Monday, 21 March 2011

Listography...Things I Want to be When I Grow Up

Kate has handed the Listography hosting over to Manana Mama this week who has come up with the theme of "Things I Want To Be When I Grow Up".  Growing up seems to be something I am entirely incapable of.  My own grown up children are possibly now more mature than their own mother!  But in case one day I decide it is time for me to enter the grown-up world (albeit kicking and screaming) here are five ideas for roles to faciliate my integration into society!

1:  Blood Splatter Analyst/Serial Killer of Evil People...yes, I want to be Dexter.  I know this is controverial, and the Human Rights Activists might bombard me with comments that even 'evil, murdering, villainous, bad people who have slipped through the nets of justice' have rights too, I'd still stick to my desire to fix some of what is wrong in the world with Dexter's sense of style and charm.  (Although, I'd have to hire a stand in for the actual dirty work...I'm hugely squeamish...and a bit of a pacifist...but the sentiment is there!)

2:  Angelina Jolie...I so want this gig!  Married to Brad Pitt, super gorgeous, more than a bit weird and uber famous.  She gets the joys of a houseful of kiddies but has a team of nannies, housekeepers, cooks, cleaners, PA's, manicurists, dieticians, personal trainers and therapists to insure that everything runs smoothly without as much as a broken nail to ruin her day.  Bliss. I'd love to walk the red carpet in a slinky frock with Brad on my arm.

3:  Taste Tester for Hotel Chocolat...need I provide an explanation for this one?  All the chocolate I could eat and I could tell them that putting whole alocohol soaked cherries inside chocolate is just grotesque.

4:  A Cup Cake Baker...I love baking.  It is so therapeutic to lovingly create tasty morsels for the family.  But I don't do it often enough.  This is mostly because:
a) I end up eating my own body weight in calorie laden cakes.
b) The ensuing mess is catastrophic.
c) After the vultures descend and turn my hand crafted delights into a mountain of crumbs, I feel a sense of anti-climax that the experience is all over.  All my hard work gone in a sugar-frenzied flash.
So to be a professional cup-cake baker to the stars with a team of washer-uppers, measurers and weighers would be fantastic.  All the creative joy with no responsibility  for cleaning up afterwards.

5: An Orang-Utan Trainer ...I watched a TV programme once about a woman who rescued orphaned Orang-Utans in Borneo and looked after them in her house.  They slept in a cot and were transported around in a wheelbarrow.  The barrow full of ginger monkeys was the most gorgeous thing.  They ended up learning how to swim...I can't recall why??  I just want to have myself a barrow full for myself.   They are the most awesome of all primates and I'd love to call them all Clyde.  I'm not sure what I'd train them to do though... because really they should be allowed to just be monkeys doing what monkeys do.  But failing that I'd get them to learn musical instruments and sing Daydream Believer.

Link up at Manana Mama and share your list!


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