Monday, 10 October 2011

Listography...My 5 Worst Dates

When I saw the theme for this week's Listography I thought it might open up a can of worms that could see me needing a spot of therapy!!  I first met Ian when I was 12 and we dated when I was 15.  Things failed to work out (as you'd expect from a pair of teenagers) but we got back together when I was 24 and have been together ever since and blissfully married for the last 14 years. I often kick myself for not recognising my Mr Right  when I had him in my grasp first time round.  In the wilderness years I experienced plenty of Mr Wrongs...dredging this up is not pretty, but for Listography I am prepared to do it!  

1:  I met a really nice boy at a football do that I attended with a group of mates.  He was good looking, tall and we chatted all night.  I was just starting sixth form at school and we discussed our A'Level choices.  He told me about his O'Level results and his driving test.  We really clicked.  We arranged to meet the next day.  It was much more awkward when we met up on our date. After a while he confessed...he was actually only 14!  I was unimpressed by the string of lies he'd told me and so I ended the date.  To add insult to injury, he told everyone that he had done unthinkable things to me in the cinema toilets...we never even went to the cinema!!

2:  This one isn't even funny.  It is actually really seriously awful.  I met a lad at the pub who was really sweet.  I arranged to meet him the next night at another pub that I wasn't familiar with.  I turned up to find him with a few mates.  I thought nothing of it.  They said they wanted to go to another pub and I innocently followed them out of the pub and down a country lane.  There was a really funny atmosphere brewing. Suddenly the lad who I was meant to be with started having an altercation with another one of the lads.  They started to have a proper fight. One of the other guys, in a pang of good conscience told me to get out of there.  Apparently they had started arguing about whether or not to go ahead with a plot they had come up with, with me as the unexpected guest star in a little testosterone fuelled, gang rape fantasy.  I left them fighting among themselves and ran away.  This ranks as a really bad date and still makes my blood boil when I remember it.

3:  I was the date of a footballer at the annual awards dinner.  I sat between him and another footballer.  I got on really well with the other guy and enjoyed having a chat and a laugh.  My date was expecting to win Player of the Season but didn't and got into a huge mood.  Then someone  else assumed that I was with the other bloke and went on about what a good couple we made and saying I was way out of the league of my actual date.  Unfortunately my date went ballistic and stormed off, swearing and shouting. I went after him but he drove off!!  I had to trudge back home in the cold wearing stillettos and a mini skirt. I wouldn't have minded as much, but I was actually living with him at the time.  It didn't last.

4: I had a boyfriend who drove a Porsche, had loads of cash, fancy clothes and all the chat.  Things were going well until we went out with his sister one night.  Oh dear Lord!  Have you ever seen the Friends episode with the inappropriate brother and sister relationship??  Well, this was that. Uncomfortable much!  I felt like a complete third wheel as they engaged in their touchy-feely sibling love fest.

5:  I met the most gorgeous boy at a nightclub. We swapped phone numbers.  A few days later I got an emergency hospital appointment for a tonsillectomy which I'd been waiting for since suffering from Quinsy a few weeks previously.  While I was in hospital, gorgeous boy phoned my number and my dad had told him I was in hospital.  He decided to visit me as a surprise.  Gorgeous boy turned up to find me looking post operatively crappy in a tragic nightdress, dribbling blood and spit out of the corner of my mouth.  A world apart from the dolled up version of myself he was expecting.  Needless to say, he cut the visit short and never contacted me again.

Thank goodness for Ian for saving me from the pitfalls of being single and having such terrible taste in all men that weren't him!
Link up at Nickie's blog this week!


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