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Thursday, 9 June 2011

Cybermummy Stress!!!

With just a couple of weeks to go until we all congregate en masse to attend Cybermummy 2011, I feel a little niggle of panic rise from the pit of my stomach. But what is the reason for my little wobble???

I know a lot of people are anxious about meeting everyone...the strange combination of virtual confidante yet physical stranger mixed into one is indeed bizarre.  Many of these 'strangers' will know all about your life, your kids, your husband, your problems, your hopes and fears.  They will know your most embarrassing moments intimately....yet you have never actually met before!  However, this is not one of my anxieties.  I have been fortunate enough to meet a lot of lovely ladies at various events this year and it has been nothing but positive!  Everyone has been exactly how I imagined them to be and the fact that they all know the story behind why I am tee-total did not come between us!!

Many bloggers are worrying about what to wear.  I'm turning up in jeans...it is my clothing of choice and I want to be comfortable throughout the day.  So I'm not stressing about anyone showing up in the same frock as me, or worrying about which designer I'll be showcasing...fashion just ain't my thing.  I am perfectly confident in my wardrobe choice...I'm not going to dazzle anyone with my glamour, but that was never my intention!

Weightloss is something that has been a huge topic of conversation across Twitter as we all try to shed a few pounds.  I'm no exception to this.  I am attempting to slim down....6lbs lost so far!  But I'm not doing it for Cybermummy....I'm using Cybermummy as a target for my visualisation in my hypnotherapy.  It's an event along the way which will help me lose the weight in achievable chunks. It's just one step on my journey.  It's not being done for vanity and I really don't worry what other people think...I'm doing it for my health, to gain control over my eating and for my own self-esteem.  If this in turn makes me feel better in my skin at Cybermummy then that will be a bonus, but I'm certainly not dieting to impress my fellow bloggers on the day!  (But if anyone is impressed I'll be inwardly very smug and eternally grateful...after all I am only human!)  My diet will also be put on hold over the Cybermummy weekend...I'm going to thoroughly enjoy the Cybermummy Eve Party and I won't be skimping on my menu choices.  Similarly, I will enjoy my lunch on the day.  No nibbling rabbit food to impress anyone with me...oh no!!

Travelling does make me feel a little bit wobbly, but after winning the use of the Hyundai Santa Fe in the Car Share Competition I'm actually quite excited.  It is an opportunity to be outside of my comfort zone and embrace the journey as part of the experience.  Driving to Central London from Shropshire isn't the nicest journey and I tend to always let Ian do all the driving when we go anywhere as a family.  So I'll be reconnecting with my independent side, which I think will actually be empowering.  Just hope I can find a parking space big enough when we get there!

However...the one thing that is making me a little sick to my stomach is leaving Freddy.  I know he is nearly two, but he is still breastfed.  The self weaning has not yet happened.  In fact this week my toddler has been poorly and feeding more than ever.  This is what panics me about leaving him.  The logical part of me says that this is an opportunity for my son to decide that he doesn't need his 'boob' anymore.  When I'm around it becomes habitual and there is no incentive for him to stop.  Without me there, he will have to do without.  He uses cups easily and even drinks milk, but his breastfeeding is something in addition to all this.  I know his Daddy will not let him be sad and will do everything in his power to keep my baby boy happy, but my heart still breaks a little bit.  I think my biggest fear, if I am totally honest, is that he will make the decision to give up breastfeeding completely and that part of our journey together will come to an end. I know it's daft, but the bond is so strong.  This will be a final cutting of the umbilical cord...my little baby will be a big boy.  On one hand I am looking forward to him being independent so he can be less reliant on me, but the other part of me is holding onto to this stage with dear life.  He is my last baby...I know how quickly they grow up...I just wasn't in any rush for it to happen.

So if you see a woman clutching a photo of a cute little boy whilst trying to stem the flow from her leaking breasts...it'll probably be me!!  I promise though to try and keep that behaviour for the hotel room only.  Cybermummy is a time for me.  My blogging has literally changed my life and I am embracing every opportunity it throws at me.  But that doesn't stop the fact that I am going to feel like someone has chopped off one of my limbs.  I know, I know...I'm one of those women who define themselves by their children.  But do you know what...I wouldn't want it any other way!

15 comments:

  1. jessies_online9 June 2011 at 11:26

    I feel for you Wendy. Knowing Jack will be the last I want to try & hold onto a bit of 'baby'...I carry him like a baby up the stairs & he loves it, even though I want him out of nappies, I'm not pushing it and as for his dummy, well no-one sees it so I suppose if he wants to have it in bed with him when he's 5 then who am I to say no! I suspect we'll end up losing the last of them before then though.
    You will have a great time at Cybermummy and if you have your breastpads and a photo of Freddy on your phone no-one will ever know that you're pining - they'll just think that you're looking at all your very important emails and tweets on your phone and you are always so buxom......(not saying that you're not of course!!) x

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  2. Thanks Helen!! I'm glad I'm not the only one holding onto babyhood!! Wish you were there with us this year (but I am a bit jealous of Glasto!!) I'll take your advice and look uber important on my mobile while scrolling through pics of Fred....no one will know!!! XXX

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  3. You and me both! Happy to keep Tala tiny - last babies are special and all grow too quick. We will be back before we know it but a little empowerment from our journeys x

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  4. *hugs* I'm sure tehre will be a few mums missing their lil ones! I'll be missing J and wondering what he's doing! Its natural :) Especially when they are still reliant upon you for something. You can always come find me if you need a hug :D x

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  5. Aw thanks Hayley! I'll definitely be looking for a few hugs to get me through the day!! xxx

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  6. Oh Wendy I saw your comment about this on mothersalwayright and I know exactly how you feel. My boy is 2.5 and I have just managed to get him onto a bottle in the night instead of still breastfeeding him throughout. I sleep in the same bed as him and although I'm nervous about how he'll react without me at least I know that my OH can give him the bottle now. It's really hard and I feel for you. Fortunately I felt the time was right to stop now but I know you can't make that happen. You'll just have to bring lots of pads and hope for the breast, I mean best ;)

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  7. Thanks Kate. You have just helped me so much by saying this. I think I'm going to try him out on a bottle over the weekend then at least when he does wake up at night his daddy will have something to offer him!! Bedsharing and breastfeeding your toddler is so beautiful...but it just doesn't work if mummy wants a life!! xxx

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  8. I know exactly how you feel - it's the thought of them being sad and us not being there to comfort them. But if he does decide it's time to stop, it doesn't mean the end of cuddles or that he doesn't need you anymore. That's what I'm now telling myself anyway! x

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  9. Wendy I know exactly how you feel- in fact I was going to do a post on the exact same thing but I will just comment on yours instead. I am confident with travelling, London, meeting people etc, but the one thing I am dreading is the issues with breastfeeding. Mads is still exclusively breastfed bar one or two meals a day and she has gone from being ok with a bottle of breastmilk to refusing bottles. I am worried about how she will be when I am gone and I am also worried about the fact that I am sure at some point during the day I will need to go and express somewhere, I don't want to miss out on anything but at the same time I don't want to get sore or mess up my supply! x

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  10. It's so hard isn't it. I guess if we aren't there they will be more inclined to take a bottle. Freddy feeds a lot at the moment so my boobs are going to feel it! I've never expressed milk (don't even know how) so I am panicking a bit about leaking...arrgghh!!!! It will be a brilliant day though and our babies will be OK!!! xxx

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  11. jessies_online10 June 2011 at 00:48

    wanna swap & you go to Glasto with my OH and I go to Cybermummy???????

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  12. Your post made me feel a bit sad but I promise we will look after you and that you'll have an amazing weekend.
    I'm really looking forward to meeting your crew heading down from the county of my birth:)

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  13. Thanks so much Sian! Everyone is so wonderful and supportive...I am so touched by everyone's kind words. I will be fine and through myself into this fantastic opportunity with gusto!! xxx

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  14. Thank goodness! I was thinking from all the tweets that I need to go out and buy a new wardrobe, but I have been too busy trying to figure out what to do with the kids. I will also be dressed-down and permanently texting to make sure the kids are where they should be! Hope to meet you there x

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  15. What a fantastic blog - I know how much you will miss your wonderful family and, of course, are worried about how Freddy will cope without his Mummy but I know instinctively that Ian will cope admirably and will probably keep Freddy happy and occupied also, of course, Freddy has got his lovely sisters to help. I hope you and Louise have a wonderful time and that the driving wasn't a problem.

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