Breast Pads and Other Joys

Even though I have a walking, talking, potty trained toddler, he still has a secret penchant for bed time breast feeding.  The boy will not give up his boob.  This is met with revulsion and disgust from some, but frankly I am happy to oblige for as long as my little boy feels the need.  He is healthy, strong, bright, intelligent, independent and sociable.  It's not doing him any harm.  He's not turning out clingy or needy.  I can leave him overnight without any problem if necessary and he never feeds away from home.  It is also sometimes such a positive thing to be able to do.  If he has a fall and hurts himself, or if he is poorly, I can comfort him and provide him nourishment in one loving gesture.  It costs nothing and I'm confident that he will self wean shortly.  After all none of my other children have ended up as breastfeeding school children!

As my mad de-cluttering continues, with a view to putting our house on the market, I've been unearthing all manner of long forgotten items buried in my clutter. The latest was a box of breast pads.  I've been really lucky and have never really suffered from leaky boobs.  After feeding five kids I think my seasoned boobs have got their supply and demand worked out. These pads were bought last year when I went to Cybermummy and had visions of waking up after a night in a hotel on my own, swimming in a sea of breast milk.  It may have been good enough for Cleopatra to bathe in milk...but I personally prefer a shower!  My fears were however unfounded, and I was leak free.  Ergo the breast pads were shelved and forgotten till now.

The packet of breast pads became an object of total interest for Kizzy and Freddy who were not sure what they were.  It became like a game of Whose Line is it Anyway, with the kids acting out 101 uses for a breast pad.  We had hats...everything from berets to skull caps.  We had a face mask....Jason Vorhees anyone??  We had a padded bikini (which reminded me of something you could buy in Primark which would spark the whole sexualising our kids debate.)  My personal favourite was the pirate's eye patch which was sported whilst shouting the mandatory "Arrrrr"s!

It made a fun distraction from the tedium of  tidying.  Who'd have thought that something purchased to stem lactation leaks could be such fun to a pair of children with huge imaginations and a penchant for fun?!

My Cybermummy Experience

From the moment our Hyundai Santa Fe arrived, the Cybermummy excitement began!  I hadn't driven further than 20 miles for years.  I had developed a touch of agoraphobia and a total loss of confidence resulting in my self-imposed 20 mile radius of containment. But here I was with gorgeous vehicle that meant I had to drive to Central London without relying on my husband and personal chaffeur Ian.  This time last year I would have been rocking in the corner, rigid with fear at the prospect of having to come out of my comfort zone.  However, since I started my blog in September last year, miraculous things have happened.  My self-worth has grown exponentially, my confidence has increased, I have validation, purpose and self belief.  I feel like I really exist in the world, and not just within my four walls.  So the arrival of the Hyundai heralded an opportunity.  A chance for me to actually break out on my own.

Armed with a spanking new Sat Nav that Ian had bought for me especially for the journey, and with my co-driver Louise, I was raring to go.  Apart from the trauma of leaving my breastfeeding boy I was eager to take the bull by the horns and test out my newfound independence!

The three and a half hour journey from Shropshire to London was made all the more entertaining by Hyundai's challenges that had been set for all six of the carshare cars, and more satisfying due to the hamper of goodies that kept us going whilst navigating the M6!  The car itself was a joy to drive...my first foray into the automatic car market was something I thoroughly enjoyed.  The car was responsive, powerful and the steering was light for such a big 7 seater 4x4 vehicle!

Finding a parking space in Central London was a bit hair raising, and we ended up in a scary place up a narrow, steep ramp in the back of beyond.  But we had made it!

The Hoxton Hotel was a very modern and funky affair.  My room was amazing with modern decor and a huge bathroom with wet room.  Once I worked out the I needed to put the keycard into a slot by the door to activate the electricity I was fine (till then it was a bit dark!)

Being on my own for the first time in years was not at all scary.  I have really grown through the miracle of blogging!

We spent the evening with Sandy Calico and her dinner guests at a little Italian Pizzeria.  Bar being given bad directions and walking in the London rain for half an hour longer than we needed to, with Lou in her spiked heel party shoes, we made the rendez-vous to meet with some old friends and make some new ones!  We were slightly bedraggled but as soon as the food arrived all was well in the world! Our first goodie bag, courtesy of Sandy,  was very impressive!  Walking back to the hotel resulted in poor Lou's feet bleeding...my Converse may not have looked as sexy, but my feet were unscathed!

The night spent alone in the crisp white sheeted luxury of the Hoxton bed was devoid of any sleep.  I'm just not used to being free from the high alert state of wakefulness that co-sleeping creates.  However, it was a very comfortable sleepless night!

Next morning we took a black cab to the Brewery and felt very official with our lanyard and name card.  We had to go to hand in our Hyundai keys at their stand first thing, and the seductive nature of the other brands with their giveaway goodies and friendly banter was quite addictive.  Chatting to the PR ladies at Crocs, Butlins, the Portland Hospital and E45 made us lose all track of time, and before we knew it we had totally missed the opening speeches and Sarah Brown's Keynote speech.  Oops...note to self....buy a watch!!  I had no idea of the time but the lack of bloggers really should have given it away!  I was gutted to have missed the highlight of the morning....and pretty sad to have missed the Dodo Pads which were given away on the tables.  But this faux pas is very typically me.

We attended a Facebook and Twitter Workshop (we meant to attend a different one about marketing your brand but again, it is typical of me to go to the wrong place!!)  However it was imformative and I learnt all about bitly.

I also attended the Working With Brands workshop which was really informative and interesting (except for the last speaker...sorry, the sociology of parenting just wasn't a good fit to the proceedings.  Apologies if our sneaking out was offensive!)

It was an incredibly exhausting day, but coffee, chocolates, pop, smoothies and other goodies (Johnson's Baby Cupcakes were so divine!) were on hand for caffeine or sugar hits when the energy levels sapped.  I was very good and ate next to nothing naughty....but with Sandra from Thinking Slimmer there, I wouldn't be anything other than virtuous would I!  She was as lovely and supportive in real life as she has been in the virtual world!  Meeting Trevor, the voice of the Slimpods, was a particular highlight of my day....he has been "with me" on and off since last November, helping me lose weight and keep on the dieting straight and narrow. (And he smelt really nice!)

The final crowd sourced speeches were a wonderful way to round up the official proceedings.  There were a range of subjects covered from the incredibly moving story of childhood cancer to the hilarious story of vibrator disposal.  They really showed the diversity of the blogosphere, which to me is its beauty.

Most of all to me, it was meeting the wonderful women from behind the words, that made Cybermummy 11 the wonderful experience it was.  Catching up with Blog Buddies from previous events was fabulous.  Having a laugh with Emma my fellow Graco Ambassador was such fun.  Meeting the lovely Mumentum ladies including  Liska , was a wonderful way to put faces to the names of the supportive bunch who have encouraged me along  my weightloss journey. Sitting with Working London Mummy who I first met through the Brit Mums Comment Group, as we watched Boris Johnson's sister get a bit of verbal abuse from the floor was memorable!  Super Amazing Mum lived up to her moniker...when we first met in the virtual world last year, due to both being finalists in the same national competition, we would never have believed our blogging would have lead to us both meeting at the biggest UK conference for Mummy Bloggers.  There are too many other people to mention by name, but I loved meeting everyone on my 'must meet' list.  I was just sad that I didn't get to meet Kate Takes 5...but I saw her up on stage, so that will have to suffice.

I was delighted, humbled and overjoyed when people recognised me and wanted to talk to me.  I felt proud of myself and my blog, and a little incredulous that I was actually at a conference in London, unthinkable just 9 months ago!

To top off a fabulous day, I won the top prize in the Cybermummy Prize Draw and will be off to a hotel with the family as a result.  I was thrilled to bits!

We drove home afterwards and arrived back in Shropshire at 1am...knackered but in a good way.  My baby boy and his daddy were sound asleep in our bed.  Freddy woke up at 5am and I couldn't have been more delighted to see my little man because by this time I was actually crying with intense boob pain from not feeding him for over 36 hours.  I hadn't anticipated just how bad I would feel...weaning by cold turkey would have worked for him, but not for me.  I had rock hard boobs and lumps in my armpits that made my toes curl with cringy agony! But I am starting the gradual process of weaning him now, knowing that he can cope without breastfeeding during the day.  Another step on my journey begins.

Cybermummy 2011 was an experience I am delighted to have had and I am grateful to Graco and Hyundai for making it all so possible!

My Breastfeeding Journey

This week is National Breastfeeding Week and so I am writing this post to share my experience with other women.

Freddy is my fifth and final baby.  I always intended to feed him myself as I had fed his four older siblings before him.

As soon as he was delivered he was placed in my arms and immediately started to feed.  It was pure instinct for this little baby who was just moments old to seek sustenance and comfort at my breast.  It was a real defining moment in our bonding.

Newborn's Instinct to Breastfeed

It wasn't plain sailing though.  My milk did not come in straight away.  Within a few days Freddy had lost a whole pound in weight...but as he was 9lb 10 oz at birth it was not putting him in any immediate danger, so I persevered.  The midwife was not very helpful, telling me it could be down to my age.  I felt terrible and inadequate being told that, like I shouldn't be having a baby at 40.  She suggested that perhaps I was doing it wrong, which after successfully feeding four babies I seriously doubted.  Thankfully my health visitor was far more helpful.  She explained that because my labour was so quick, my body didn't have the slow build up of hormones needed to trigger lactation.  She suggested some different positions to try nursing Freddy to try to stimulate the milk production.  Whether it's because I stopped stressing about it, or maybe it would have happened at that time anyway, but the next day my milk came in.  Freddy was a happy boy and soon put the weight back on.  We never looked back.

I had a few bouts of mastitis,  but nothing that some paracetamol and a Savoy Cabbage leaf didn't cure!  I love that nature produces its own custom made, boob shaped relief!  They also make good hats!!

Breastfeeding a baby ties you to your child so that you do sacrifice certain freedoms.  However the benefits are huge.  I loved bed sharing and breastfeeding from a purely lazy point of view.  I've never had to get out of bed at 3am to make feeds or warm up bottles.  Snuggling up and dozing while my baby fed was (and still is) a real joy.

When Freddy started teething I did endure a couple of nips that made my eyes water...but baby soon learns that nipping a nipple leads to mummy withdrawing the milk supply while she swears loudly.  They don't want their milk abruptly taken away and quickly learn not to do it!

I have breastfed Freddy wherever he has needed to be fed and thankfully have never received any negative comments whilst feeding him in public. In fact I have been congratulated for still feeding him by a woman who told me she gave up at six weeks and regretted it.  I have written about breastfeeding in public and strongly believe in a woman's right to nurse her child without feeling uncomfortable.  I love the Breastfeeding Flash Mobs that are going on this week.  It is great to provoke discussion and show breastfeeding as the natural and normal thing it is.

I am now waiting for my son to self-wean.  There are no signs of him giving up yet, although he has started drinking a cup of milk at bedtime in addition to his breast feeding.  So I'm hoping this will herald the start of him making the decision to stop.  He is two next month so we have really given him the best possible start in terms of the health benefits of breast milk.  I have written about my fears over my Cybermummy Stress as this weekend will be the first time I ever leave my son overnight.  I am very nervous about it, but feel it is something I have to do.  It might be what he needs to help him make the decision to wean.  I know that our breastfeeding journey will soon be over, but I will look on this time as hugely rewarding and something I am proud to have achieved.  Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to breastfeed for whatever reason, and some woman choose not to feed their baby this way...but for me personally it has been a wonderful experience!

Breastfeeding my toddler.

Cybermummy Stress!!!

With just a couple of weeks to go until we all congregate en masse to attend Cybermummy 2011, I feel a little niggle of panic rise from the pit of my stomach. But what is the reason for my little wobble???

I know a lot of people are anxious about meeting everyone...the strange combination of virtual confidante yet physical stranger mixed into one is indeed bizarre.  Many of these 'strangers' will know all about your life, your kids, your husband, your problems, your hopes and fears.  They will know your most embarrassing moments intimately....yet you have never actually met before!  However, this is not one of my anxieties.  I have been fortunate enough to meet a lot of lovely ladies at various events this year and it has been nothing but positive!  Everyone has been exactly how I imagined them to be and the fact that they all know the story behind why I am tee-total did not come between us!!

Many bloggers are worrying about what to wear.  I'm turning up in jeans...it is my clothing of choice and I want to be comfortable throughout the day.  So I'm not stressing about anyone showing up in the same frock as me, or worrying about which designer I'll be showcasing...fashion just ain't my thing.  I am perfectly confident in my wardrobe choice...I'm not going to dazzle anyone with my glamour, but that was never my intention!

Weightloss is something that has been a huge topic of conversation across Twitter as we all try to shed a few pounds.  I'm no exception to this.  I am attempting to slim down....6lbs lost so far!  But I'm not doing it for Cybermummy....I'm using Cybermummy as a target for my visualisation in my hypnotherapy.  It's an event along the way which will help me lose the weight in achievable chunks. It's just one step on my journey.  It's not being done for vanity and I really don't worry what other people think...I'm doing it for my health, to gain control over my eating and for my own self-esteem.  If this in turn makes me feel better in my skin at Cybermummy then that will be a bonus, but I'm certainly not dieting to impress my fellow bloggers on the day!  (But if anyone is impressed I'll be inwardly very smug and eternally grateful...after all I am only human!)  My diet will also be put on hold over the Cybermummy weekend...I'm going to thoroughly enjoy the Cybermummy Eve Party and I won't be skimping on my menu choices.  Similarly, I will enjoy my lunch on the day.  No nibbling rabbit food to impress anyone with me...oh no!!

Travelling does make me feel a little bit wobbly, but after winning the use of the Hyundai Santa Fe in the Car Share Competition I'm actually quite excited.  It is an opportunity to be outside of my comfort zone and embrace the journey as part of the experience.  Driving to Central London from Shropshire isn't the nicest journey and I tend to always let Ian do all the driving when we go anywhere as a family.  So I'll be reconnecting with my independent side, which I think will actually be empowering.  Just hope I can find a parking space big enough when we get there!

However...the one thing that is making me a little sick to my stomach is leaving Freddy.  I know he is nearly two, but he is still breastfed.  The self weaning has not yet happened.  In fact this week my toddler has been poorly and feeding more than ever.  This is what panics me about leaving him.  The logical part of me says that this is an opportunity for my son to decide that he doesn't need his 'boob' anymore.  When I'm around it becomes habitual and there is no incentive for him to stop.  Without me there, he will have to do without.  He uses cups easily and even drinks milk, but his breastfeeding is something in addition to all this.  I know his Daddy will not let him be sad and will do everything in his power to keep my baby boy happy, but my heart still breaks a little bit.  I think my biggest fear, if I am totally honest, is that he will make the decision to give up breastfeeding completely and that part of our journey together will come to an end. I know it's daft, but the bond is so strong.  This will be a final cutting of the umbilical cord...my little baby will be a big boy.  On one hand I am looking forward to him being independent so he can be less reliant on me, but the other part of me is holding onto to this stage with dear life.  He is my last baby...I know how quickly they grow up...I just wasn't in any rush for it to happen.

So if you see a woman clutching a photo of a cute little boy whilst trying to stem the flow from her leaking breasts...it'll probably be me!!  I promise though to try and keep that behaviour for the hotel room only.  Cybermummy is a time for me.  My blogging has literally changed my life and I am embracing every opportunity it throws at me.  But that doesn't stop the fact that I am going to feel like someone has chopped off one of my limbs.  I know, I know...I'm one of those women who define themselves by their children.  But do you know what...I wouldn't want it any other way!

The Stigma of Breastfeeding in Public

Yet again, a story has cropped up in the press regarding the vilification of women breastfeeding in public.  A 36 year old mum was breastfeeding her 10 month old daughter in a cafe, only to be shouted at for "being a disgusting woman" and literally ordered out onto the street, humiliated and devastated.

The mum claims she was being discreet, however the female cafe owner said she had her "whole boob out" and it was "embarassing"as she didn't want "a one year old suckling in her cafe".  Either way it is so saddening that in this day and age, where we know breastfeeding is the best way to feed our babies where possible, a woman can be made to feel disgusting for doing so.  There is no or very little provision for breastfeeding in public, and going to a "public toilet" as this cafe owner suggested is just not an appropriate option.  There is no way I'd feed my baby in a public loo...I'm not trying to take a crap in a public place, I'm trying to feed my child in the way nature intended!

The comments that have followed this news article are as shocking as the story itself.  "Can't you find somewhere else to do it??? LIKE IN YOUR OWN HOME!" ranted one reader.  So, if we breastfeed we should stay at home, shame faced and dare not venture out into public?  Please!  There was a time not too long ago where women were considered filthy for going out into public if they were menstruating, do we want to return to these dark ages? Others suggested expressing milk for when out of the house.  Why on earth should we bottle feed a baby who happily breastfeeds?  It isn't benefitting anyone in this situation except for the odd few who seem unable to comprehend that breasts were actually designed for this purpose!

We hear a lot about women who choose to bottlefeed for personal reasons, or who are sadly unable to breastfeed, feeling looked down on by the general public as if they haven't fulfilled part of the criteria of motherhood.  I've always found the opposite to be more true. Breastfeeding is still considered to be a minority occupation.  When I took my son for his 6 week check the doctor was visibly amazed that I he was still breastfed.  I was congratulated as if I'd run a marathon, for something that I consider absolutely normal to me. That has to be indicative of how few mothers continue with breastfeeding, certainly where I live anyway.  It is that which makes anyone who feeds their baby beyond the early days a bit of a novelty...dare I say...a freak to some. It certainly isn't the norm.

My first two children were only breastfed for a few months before putting them onto bottles.  I was young and  I wanted the freedom that bottle feeding allowed.  They could be babysat by their grandparents so I could go out and have fun.  This was my choice.  However, by the time I had baby number 3 I was settled into a committed relationship and lucky enough to be a stay at home mum, so breastfeeding was the natural option for me to take. I had no reason to put her onto bottles and I loved the closeness and comfort I was able to provide.  I fed her for 18 months.  Baby number 4 was breastfed until she was nearly 3!  I am still breastfeeding my 20 month old son.  Feeding a toddler in public is much more of a challenge but I have techniques that I adopt if it becomes necessary to do so.  No-one has ever complained and few people seem to actually even notice, thinking I'm just cuddling my baby under my cardigan!!  This does make me wonder if the woman at the centre of this latest outrage was a militant feeder who wanted to get this publicity by flaunting what she was doing?  Just a thought, but even so, breastfeeding an infant should never be referred to as disgusting.  We should be encouraging and empowering women to make the choice to feed their babies, not making them afraid or embarrassed.

In some cultures breastfeeding is marvelled at.  In Mongolia it is practised with enthusiasm and without inhibition and for a long time until the child self-weans.  65% of Mongolian children are still breastfeeding by their 2nd birthday.  It is normal, accepted and encouraged.  Breastfeeding mothers in the UK are protected by the 2010 Discrimination Laws that entitles them to not be treated any differently for feeding their child in a public place.  However few people are familiar with this protection and it offers little comfort when being frowned out or worse by strangers with deep seated issues.

We are continually bombarded with breastfeeding cases and studies.  Breastfeeding makes babies better behaved and more intelligent as adults says one report.  Solely breastfeeding until 6 months old causes iron deficiency says another.  It is hard enough being a parent without having to worry about everything and be made to feel guilty for either bottlefeeding or breastfeeding our babies.  If our children are loved, nurtured, safe and well nourished, then we are doing our job as a mother perfectly well.

We should all have the freedom to make the choices which are right for us.  We're all mums...we should all be on the same team giving support to each other.  Roll on the day when we can do what is best for us without stigma, criticism or feelings of guilt!