Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Back to the Grindstone

Today's rain is a pathetic fallacy...a representation of the damp squib that is engulfing me this morning.  I always feel like this after big events.  The post party blues feeling that is amplified tenfold following the Christmas holidays.

All that build up, the two weeks of festive fun...and then quick as flash it's all over leaving a cold, wet January in its wake.

School runs are resumed which means an early wake up call.  The kids have all been enjoying lie-ins, including Freddy who has happily snoozed until gone nine o'clock.  Clearly, this meant I too could lanquish under my 13 tog duvet, without any consequence to the household.  This morning I awoke to a dark world.  It was grim.  Poor Fred was confused as to why he was being wrenched from his peaceful, cosy slumber into this gloomy, uninviting day.  His protests were not a nice way to begin proceedings.  Thankfully my girls were brilliant, upping and dressing with enthusiasm and injecting some sunshine into my grey mood.  Freddy continued his half asleep grizzling, refusing breakfast and resisting his nappy change. 

Also this morning, a cursory glance in the mirror confirmed the undoing of all the good work I'd done pre-Christmas with regard to my weightloss.  How can the fat cells just all ping back with a vengeance so quickly!  I know that my self-loathing fuelled selection box binges are not good...but to punish me so severely and so quickly seems just too cruel.

OK...enough of this self-pity!   I will take control again.  I will get back into the driving seat and try to control this potential car crash before the collision occurs.  I know I am prone to giving into the dark passenger who tries to steer me towards a depressive destination.  I've battled with the dark side all my life.  I was the soulful, sullen child.  I was the self-harming teen.  I refuse to be the prozac popping housewife.

So with a drop of Bach's Rescue Remedy on my tongue, a newfound committment to beginning my healthy eating and weightloss plan and a refusal to succumb to this cloud that is threatening to consume me, I will face the day with the reverance it deserves.  Because even though it is drab and grey, and even though my precious girls are back at school and not here with me, and even though my jeans are pinching and cutting off the circulation to my is the first day of the rest of my life, filled with promise and potential that is mine to unlock and discover!  My beautiful baby boy is now in a happier mood, no longer shouting for the return of his sisters and dad...he seems content with my company and his box of Mr Potato Heads! 

I know I am extremely blessed....sometimes I just need to remember just how blessed I really am and let the brightness chase away this darkness that creeps in.  Thankfully, I find it much easier to push it away these days...recognising it before it envelopes me completely. With my fantastic, supportive and understanding husband and my wonderful kids by my side, I can take on the wrath of January and come out smiling!!

The sullen child still lurks inside me.


  1. Such an honest post and such a fabulous photo. I don't know what you had to look so glum about - you were very cool! Keep up the positive thinking. I just started yoga - at home - downloaded from the web - fabulous!

  2. Thanks Kate. And thanks for calling me cool! Some good food, good sleep and good routines being established will get me out of the doldrums!xxx

  3. Ah, January is shite. But we are closer to March's light evenings than we were in December, so that's something. Yoga sounds like a good idea, something is needed to keep one's pecker up in this dreary month....

  4. I remember taking that photo, using the horrible sneezy grass thing as a hint of background! I seem to remember some of fat me taken at the same time (*shudders at the recollection*)

  5. They really do 'ping', don't they? It drives me nuts. In fact, they pink and rebound and you end up fatter than ever. Sigh.

    But, no melancholy about it all. It's up to us to pick ourselves up and get stuck in. Contrary to my hopeful dreams, no one else is going to do it for us. Sigh.

    Popping in from the Fibro. x

  6. I remember January in the UK as a very depressing time. But it's been wet, wet, wet in Australia as well and world events conspire to make us all feel as though we need to fast-forward to February. Hold fast. It can only get better! Thanks for Rewinding at the Fibro today.

  7. I must get some Bachs rescue remedy.



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