I am a worrier, always have been, always will be. Mostly, the worry is reserved for my children. Even after my eldest two have left home, I constantly worry about them. It doesn't stop. Very rarely does this worrying extend to my husband. He is my rock. My hero. He will be here by my side forever. No question. What is there to worry about?
The belief that we will grow old together is set in stone. It's our destiny. It was always meant to be. Perhaps I have taken that unshakable truth for granted, because right now my faith is being tested. Just a tiny bit. It is only a slight niggle that is rocking the foundations of my world, but it is enough to make me stop and take stock of my life.
I know it's nothing and I'm worrying unnecessarily. Ian is fine, I'm convinced of it. But a routine doctor's appointment for a minor ailment lead to some routine tests which have resulted in the discovery of an anomaly. This is now leading to a further battery of tests. Ian has never been ill in all the time we've been together, apart from the occasional bout of man flu of course. He isn't ill now, but the medical profession feel the need to probe and scan and test my husband. It is a little scary even though I'm sure they are just taking precautions.
Hopefully these tests will highlight a whole host of illnesses that Ian hasn't got. I'm sure it will put my mind at ease as the list of possible problems are dismissed leaving nothing but a clean bill of health.
But just having the ugly head of the prospect of illness raised in my marriage has shaken me. Reminding me that every day is precious. Reminding me to not take anything for granted.
When I was pregnant I had some medical problems. A heart murmur was detected early in my pregnancy and my kidneys struggled to work properly. But we weathered the storm together and after Freddy was born I recovered...no more babies for us though! All our health worries have revolved around me, never Ian.
Maybe this reminder is a good thing, and when this is all over I will be holding onto my loved ones a little tighter, breathing in their scent a little deeper, telling them I love them even more than I do now. I am so lucky and so blessed. May I never forget that.
