Saturday, 20 August 2011

Two Decades of Naughtiness

What is the naughtiest thing my children have ever done?  Now there is a question that evokes an involuntary shudder!  With five children aged between 2 and 23, I have had years of experiencing naughty moments.  Sadly however, there is no video or photographic evidence of my eldest son Joe's early escapades.  Pre digital photography, the habit of grabbing the camera at every opportunity was just not done.  Photography was an expensive hobby involving films and developing.  Flips were sadly not invented in 1988, in fact video cameras were big, cumbersome and expensive meaning that ordinary folk like me did not own one.  Laptops were a long way from being a household essential and social media was as yet unheard of by us mere mortals.  But just because we didn't have the technology to share the incidents, it doesn't mean the incidents were not happening!

It is with regret that I could not photographically document my son flushing his new leather shoes down the toilet.  But picture the scene.  Trying to go out we started a frantic search for my toddler's footwear.  Who could have guessed that he had decided that his new leather shoes needed a wash in the downstairs loo?  A pair of soggy Clarks rammed into the u-bend was the scene that met me.  Our trip was delayed while we blow dried them.  And remember, this was pre-Febreze as well.

I'd love too, to re-live the moment when Joe poured a whole bottle of Kouros aftershave belonging to my ex into his bath. My boy was sat in the tub of heavily, manly fragranced water feeling very proud of himself clutching the iconic empty bottle like a trophy.  His male grooming was clearly important to him even then!  My ex was not amused, and boy did the bathroom smell like a nineties nightclub for weeks afterwards!  I stifled my giggles!

And how I would have loved to record the moment when we worked out why there was a musty smell in Joe's bedroom.  Apparently, the bathroom was too far for him to walk at night, so he decided to use the inside of his wardrobe as his own personal urinal.  It took me a while to process the information...I kept feeling the soaked wooden corner of his wardrobe and sniffing my fingers until suddenly the realization dawned...just ew!

My Little Monkey!
To have had a camera to take photographs of my Christmas Tree back in 1992 would have been priceless.  I'd made such an effort to give my little ones a wonderful Christmas.  I'd decked out my tree in packets of foil wrapped Disney Chocolate Decorations hanging on golden threads so my children could have a daily treat to count down the days to Christmas.  The very next day I came downstairs and as I admired my festive decor I felt something was not quite right.  On closer inspection, I realised that every single threaded foil decoration was empty.  The chocolate had been expertly removed leaving the Disney characters hanging there completely spent! I located Joe, who had crept downstairs earlier to feast on a whole month's supply of chocolate in one sitting, in his room.  His chocolatey hands and face said guilty...his innocent expression denied all knowledge of the crime.  It didn't take a judge and jury to decide that he was the perpetrator of the crime, however he looked so funny and it was could I be cross!

When we told him that flicking marbles with a ruler was not a good idea and would lead to an accident, he chose not to heed our sound advice.  En route to Alton Towers we stopped at a supermarket to buy some picnic supplies, leaving reluctant teen shopper Joe in the car.  I'm sure you can guess what came next, but thank goodness for AutoGlass.  The sound of exploding glass drew a crowd and a shamefaced Joe finally realised the wisdom of our earlier warning!

Although I may not have pictures to post on Facebook or videos to post on YouTube of number one son's misdemeanours...I have technicolour memories of my little boy's mischief over the decades!  To know he has grown up into a successful, loving, caring young man puts it all into perspective.  He was cheeky and mischievous, a bit daft at times, but never malicious...he made people laugh and was a real clown and a lot of fun.

To be honest, nothing has really changed!

Whenever he visits he will still get up to high jinx, whipping us with tea towels when he is supposed to be drying up.  He teaches Freddy to say cheeky expressions!   He sabotages family photos waiting for the last moment before the shutter clicks before changing his expression from a sweet smile to a hilarious gurn.  He sticks clothes pegs on my toes!  After watching a scary movie he does his utmost to terrify me...going as far as to download the scary ringtone from "One Missed Call" and phoning my mobile in the middle of the night.  I still buy him an advent calendar every year, he eats all 24 choccies on December 1st.   He gives us occasional prank phone calls pretending to be a Pizza/Chinese/Indian restaurant home delivery man (one day I really will take delivery of 10 deep pan Margheritas!)  I've been rugby tackled more than once, attacked with water pistols, and no family meal time happens without some incident involving an item of cutlery, a potato and one of his sisters!

I can provide photographic evidence of this naughtiness!
Even after 23 years of my cheeky boy's naughtiness I can honestly say that I wouldn't have my Joe any other way and we all love him to bits.

*This post is part of the Blog Hop competition sponsored by Dirt Devil.*


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