Working on a whole new me

This year, after turning 46, I have decided to really take some control on my life. I'm not getting any younger and I'm aware that I'm not as fit nor as slim as I would like to be.  So rather than slipping complacently into middle age, I have decided to make it my mission to become the me that I want to be. A mum that my kids can be proud of and aspire to be like and a wife who will enjoy an active future with my husband.

My plan is multi-faceted, taking a holistic approach to health, happiness and well being. As my confidence in myself is increasing, these things are taking on a life of their own. I am finding things about me are changing and I'm happy just going along with it. 

Diet

I am a vegetarian. However, I am an over-eating vegetarian who enjoys food a bit too much. This meant lots of cheese, plenty of carbs and big portions of dinner. This year, I've made steps towards a more plant based diet. Many meals are becoming vegan and I'm making alternative dairy free versions of family favourite meals like my vegan Mac & Cheese. I've made switches to almond milk, soya cream and coconut oil. I've also added more nuts, seeds, vegetables and pulses to our meals, and I've cut down on my refined sugar intake. I still make some slightly more indulgent things from time to time and still enjoy the occasional treat, but on a whole, my family's diet has improved.

However, even though the food I was preparing and consuming was all good stuff, my natural propensity to greediness still resulted in eating to excess. Thankfully, I was fortunate enough to bump into the lovely Sandra from Thinking Slimmer at this year's Blog On MOSI conference. Having worked with Thinking Slimmer before and becoming one of the original weightloss blogger poster girls for the product, I know that Slimpods work. They retune your mind using cognitive hypnotherapy, altering the way your brain thinks about food, allowing you to make good choices naturally.  Sandra agreed to me trialing the Slimpods again and I've started listening at bedtime. 

I must be very susceptible to the Slimpod's suggestion or maybe a part of my brain has been instantly reawakened, because from the very first day I changed. Like someone had thrown a switch in my brain removing the urge to mindlessly snack through every waking hour or eat beyond fullness. It was incredible and after a week I am 3.5 lbs down simply because my habits have changed. No calorie counting or having to make separate meals, I'm just eating less without even thinking about it. I know that the extra weight will be gone soon, while the foods I eat nourish and fuel my body, rather than fill me up with empty calories.

Exercise

Just by making the decision to take back control, I have found myself feeling more active: dancing around the kitchen while I wait for the kettle to boil, jumping up and lunging just for fun or doing some vigorous housework. I'm just more energised. Although doing structured exercise isn't really my thing (my Scoliosis means I end up putting my back out if I go to the gym or do a class), taking active days out with the family really appeals to me.  We have recently bought season tickets to Trentham Gardens and love going for long walks around the lake. I'd like to take our walking further. Climbing the Wrekin is something I'd like to try to do now Freddy is a bit bigger. Popping on our walking boots and packing our waterproofs, some water and healthy snacks in to a suitable rucksack (I've spotted some good rucksacks available online) I reckon we could scale the 1335 ft high peak!  Our Merlin Annual Passes are also great for going on days out. Alton Towers not only boasts some cool rides and CBeebies Land, it has some lovely walks through the gardens, which are pretty steep in places. You get a good workout and its very pretty.

I like the idea of us keeping fit together as a family. I am not the sort of person who could go solo and take up something like running (I have pondered this prospect over and over again as my sister runs and just completed her latest 10K race) but it's just not for me. Walking in beautiful places however, up hills, around lakes, through gardens or in woodland, whilst having fun with Ian and the kids sounds like a good compromise.

Beauty treatments

I've never really been the glamorous type. My own mother refused to leave the house without a full face of make-up, but I am the complete opposite. I'll happily do the school run with a face like nature intended. I've never really bothered with a full blown skincare cleanse, tone and moisturise routine, and until recently, I hadn't been to a hairdresser for years. My mum religiously dyed her hair for as long as I can remember, touching up her white roots with mascara in between treatments. Unlike her, I've decided to go grey naturally. Whether this is down to pure apathy or whether I think silver highlights look cool is open to debate!

Recently however, I've embraced my girlie side, relishing pampering myself top to toe. From face masks to nail varnish to fake tanned legs to pedicures - I am really enjoying using all my beauty products and feeling good about my self.  It feels good to have a bit of me-time while the kids are at school to do something for myself. Me-time is something I've never really understood until now, but investing a little in myself really is a positive thing. Although I'll never be a total glamour puss, I am enjoying taking a bit more time over myself and my beauty rituals. 

Happiness

I make no secret of the fact that I have previously found the concept of happiness quite elusive. In the past I've struggled with depression, dwelling on some dark parts of my life, able to achieve only a superficial kind of fleeting happiness rather than real contentment. But over the years this has changed dramatically. 

Becoming more mindful and reflective has allowed me to let go of so much of the darkness. I have found peace with a lot of issues that festered inside me, freeing me to live in the present and embrace the joy that surrounds me. The joy that comes from being a wife and mother to the most wonderful people that I have in my life. I strive to be a better person and have learnt that true happiness comes from giving rather than taking.

I am in a good place. That doesn't mean that bad things don't happen, but when they do I'm better positioned to help those around me through them. My mantra these days is that I can't change things that have happened, but I can change the way I deal with them and the effect they have on me. Life truly is so precious, to live it in the dark is such a waste.

Taking responsibility for my health, for my happiness and for my life has made a huge difference to me. Here's hoping I can maintain my momentum and emerge a better person.

Keep Calm and Blog On! #BlogOnMOSI

On May 2nd, the annual Blog On conference took place at Manchester's Museum of Science and Industry. Some fantastic brands and PR companies were in attendance. There was some lovely food, with breakfast by Brioche Pasquier, The Co-Operative providing the wine and Hungry House sponsoring the wonderful cake, that kept us all happily fed throughout the day. Some of my favourite blogging buddies were in attendance, providing the company and the laughs.  With some fantastic giveaways and goody bags, we were properly spoiled!  

It was lovely to find out about some great new products such as the QVS range of great value make-up brushes and the new, cool science related toys from Brainstorm. (The Magno.Z toys are awesome!) Black Sheep Wools generously gave out some lovely things like pom-pom makers and French knitting spools, which will be great for introducing my kids to some new crafting skills. The wonderful Sandra from Thinking Slimmer was there and I'm excited to be working with her again soon. Hopefully I'll lose the last of my excess weight! The More Vitamin drinks were a great new discovery for me. Still or sparkling flavoured water with added vitamins and minerals for both adults and kids seems like a really good idea, plus the drinks taste lovely. An easy way of adding some extra nutrients to your diet.

There was a really informative and well delivered session on advanced blogging that I enjoyed from one of the PR companies in attendance. I don't really see my blog as a business, but still found some useful tips and ideas and the presentation was really professional and engaging. Other sessions included a YouTube talk. I leave my YouTube channel to take care of itself and it does pretty well, so I just carry on in my own laid back way! One day I might take up vlogging, when I can think of something interesting to say! The photography session gave us the chance to look at some nice pictures, then go off into the museum to take some of our own. Thankfully I had my technical, photography whizz and blogging buddy Bex to help me with the technical stuff while we snapped the steam train outside. The niche session we attended was on lifestyle blogging, but it didn't really resonate with me at all. Maybe I should have hopped across to the food blogging session instead?

I don't worry too much about my stats, rankings, DA or PR or any of that stuff - I write because I enjoy it and I love having a little corner of cyberspace to call my own. Every view is a bonus, any comments are excitedly and gratefully received. I really value being able to work with brands and work hard to provide a professional service that retains my own personal touch. I don't stress over my blog/life balance and switch off my laptop all weekend long to enjoy my family without distraction. I enjoy being a part of this community and have some lovely people that I count as friends. I'm one content and happy blogger!

Blog On is genuinely one of the most relaxed and friendly blogging conferences, and being in Manchester it is really convenient for me. I'd definitely recommend it to any bloggers looking for a good, bloggy day out!  I'll be keeping an eye out for Blog On 2016.

Well that was 2011!

It has passed in a blink of an eye and a constant flurry of activities.  2011, has been a great year! My family have continued to make me proud and are my greatest joy and achievement. Freddy has grown into a bright and gorgeous toddler (with a Diva-ish penchant for dancing in his big sister's dresses!)  Kizzy is thriving at school and has enjoyed taking part in the Gifted and Talented programme.  Ella's musical talents continue to astound me with her beautiful guitar playing and vocals.  Megan is doing so well applying for Graduate schemes ready for September. Joe has been promoted at work with his new post starting in January.  But 2011 has been a great year for me personally too!  My blog has continued to present me with amazing opportunities and I have been amazed at how much it has evolved over the last 12 months. Here are some of my highlights of the year.

My success with my weightloss has seen me have photoshoots for The Sun and Top Sante and I have appeared in the Mail Online.  I was the runner-up in the Slimpod Slimmer of the Year competition which was a huge honour, after shedding 3 stone with the Lose 2 Jeans Sizes Slimpod!  This year I want to lose another stone and maintain a comfortable size 12.  That will be a huge achievement and will make me truly believe that I have completely kicked the yoyo diet habits forever.  I am forever indebted to the wonderful Sandra Roycroft-Davis who I have met on numerous occasions this year.

Top Sante shoot by Thomas Skovsende

In 2011 I have been a Craniac for John Crane, a Graco Ambassador and a Toys R Us Toyologist. I have worked with some great companies including UK Mums TV, Aldi, Regis, Pampers, Warner Bros, P&O, Quinny, Next and Ubisoft.  I love working closely with brands that I believe in.  It is an amazing opportunity to test out products and attend events, and share my thoughts on my blog.

In 2011 I enjoyed going to Cybermummy along with fellow ambassador Emma representing Graco.  With a hire car from Hyundai and Lou as my co-pilot we had a great time meeting fellow bloggers and learning a thing or two about the blogging world.  I even won the passport competition, winning a weekend at The Four Seasons Hotel.  Above all though, attending this event was a huge achievement for me.  Just a few months prior to this, I would never have dreamt that I would be able to drive all the way to London and stay in a hotel on my own without Ian by my side.  This was a real test for me and my self-confidence...and I've not looked back since!

Feeling like an official Blogger at Cybermummy

I took Kizzy to the Hexbugs Bedbugs Sleepover at London Zoo.  It was amazing sleeping on the floor of a bug house alongside ants and cockroaches after having a private tour of the zoo by torchlight.  We went with Helen and her daughter Hanna who were perfect company.

Meeting a Tarantula at London Zoo

The Next event to preview the SS12 range was a wonderful, child friendly affair where we were thoroughly spoiled!  I had some photos taken of Freddy which I absolutely love.  I'm proud to be part of the Next Blogger Network and would love to work with them again in 2012.

Fred modelling his Next jeans (Next jumper was removed prior to photoshoot!)

I guest edited Real People which was a real highlight of the year and got to produce a two page spread that appeared in the magazine.  It was an amazing experience that gave me the chance to recommend some of my favourite blogs and top toys.

My Real People pages!

Attending the Tots 100 Butlins Christmas Party was a wonderful opportunity to combine blogging with my family, as me, Ian and the kids descended on the Bognor Regis resort.  I had a really great time catching up with favourite online friends and spending some quality pre-Christmas fun with my family.  Thanks again to Sally!

Our Tree Decorating Team at Butlins

The Rachel's Organic event at Buxted Park Hand Picked Hotel was another wonderful opportunity.  We watched top chef Lucy Hyder prepare dishes using Rachel's products before being treated to a sumptuous four course meal in the 5* restaurant.  The hotel was exquisite, the company was superb and the food was out of this world.

Me and Lucy Hyder of Buxted Park.

I have enjoyed family outings to zoos, safari parks, theme parks, Blackpool dungeons and events such as Bob's Big Build (where we enjoyed a marvellous breakfast on board a Clipper alongside Danielle, Helen and families before arriving at the O2 for lots of Bob related fun!).  Sharing the benefits of blogging with the children and Ian is a real bonus, making the hours spent tapping away on my laptop worthwhile.  The children have also relished the opportunity of being my Tiny Testers, helping me with my reviews.  I couldn't have done it without them!

Kizzy at Bob's Big Build

What a great year 2011 has been!  Here's hoping that 2012 is going to be as successful, eventful and fun for us all!  I hope to see many more of you in 2012...our community is a wonderful place and I am honoured to be a part of it!  Happy New Year! xxx

My Photoshoot with Thomas Skovsende

Back in November, Ian and I did a photoshoot for Top Sante magazine. The article was based around me beating my eating demons and losing three stone with Thinking Slimmer's Slimpods, and the impact that my yo-yo dieting had had on our relationship across the years.  

The photos were taken by Thomas Skovsende, an industry renowned photographer and a really lovely guy.  We went to Goldstone Hall, a hotel near where we live in Shropshire, which was a lovely location.  The experience was fantastic!

Today I was sent a selection of the photographs.  I love them!!  There are so few photos of Ian and I together, let alone any professional ones.  So I am so grateful for this amazing opportunity, being photographed by an artist, dressed by Debenhams and having hair and make-up done by a local beautician.  Thanks also to Sandra who made it all possible with her amazing support and the miraculous Slimpods!

Top Sante Photoshoot!

After losing 3 stone and battling my eating demons with Thinking Slimmer, I have become a little bit of a minor celebrity in the world of weightloss!  After my feature in the Sun, I was approached by Top Sante to do an article along with Ian, my long suffering husband, to look deeper into my issues with food and how the Slimpods have changed our lives.  We had a 2 hour interview and today we had our photoshoot.

I was sent two gorgeous dresses from Debenhams (size 12 Yay!  Still can't believe I'm not a 16 anymore!) and had a make-up artist arrive at my house to get me ready for the photoshoot with photographer Thomas Skovsende.  We were on location at a local hotel, Goldstone Hall.

Thankfully the weather was incredibly kind and so we didn't freeze or get rained on.  Apart from my high heels sinking into the lawn, there were no problems and me and Ian enjoyed having a professional take photos of us.  We've never had professional pictures taken of us, not even when we got married, so we enjoyed the experience.  Thomas was an artist who knew exactly what he wanted to achieve and wasn't afraid to tell me I was looking "freaky" when a concept wasn't working!  I don't know how his "au naturel" shots will look, he favours taking photos of real people doing real things rather than staging unnatural poses. (Very different to the Sun where it was all 'pop your hip' and 'bend that knee' etc)

Here's a couple of photos that were taken on my own camera of me and Ian in our outfits.  I have to wait until the magazine comes out to see Thomas's shots of us.

The Top Sante magazine article is due to be published in February, all going well.  

This is Day 4 of #NaBloPoMo 

Mumentum Update for October

I'm still thinking myself slim with my Slimpods!  I still marvel at the power of the 10 minute MP3 to quell my compulsion to eat all day long and stop me from yoyo-ing my weight like Renee Zellweger between Bridget Jones films.  I'll be forever grateful for accepting the offer to trial Thinking Slimmer, I'm not trying to be dramatic but it has turned my life around.  My size 12's are feeling more comfortable and I feel like I'm in control of the choices I make.

I have another photoshoot for a health and fitness magazine coming up, following on from the Sun article, which will be exciting!  This one is with Ian and it will be the first time we've had a professional photograph taken together.  We didn't even get professional pics taken when we got married.  So this will be fabulous for us!

I also started a trial of the Mutu System last week, to try and sort out my weak stomach muscles following pregnancy number 5.  I started with great vigour, taking my before shots, measuring myself and setting goals.  I printed out my How To guide and began the first phase of daily core exercises.  The gentle exercises included a "pelvic scoop".  Sadly for me...my spine did not take too kindly to being moved in this way and I put my back out! #fail

I contacted Wendy, the creator of the Mutu System, who chatted to me about the spinal injury my body has learned to live with over the years, since giving birth to Ella back in 1996!  My body has compensated for the weakness so I am generally pain free...until I roll my lower spine.  That is why pilates and yoga have never agreed with me.  All that pelvic tilting really upsets my back causing pain, stiffness and nerve pain down my leg.  And that was the result of me just doing the breathing exercises in phase one!  But Wendy was brilliant and helped me to work out a way of working around my problem whilst continuing with the Mutu System.  I think my stomach muscles feel better already just by contracting them and holding them tighter in everyday situations.  I will get a flat tummy yet!

I also decided to part company with all the size 16 and 18 clothes which are languishing in my wardrobe...I definitely won't be needing them again. I finally have the confidence to accept that.  I can't believe how huge they look.  It wasn't that long ago that these were my favourite pair of jeans!  It is nice to have something to gauge my weightloss against...it was very motivating!

I want to shift another stone and tone up my tummy, thighs and my arms...that is my goal for Christmas!

Check out thinkingslimmer.com and mutusystem.com for full details of these products.

I'm A MuTu Mum!

I've posted about my weight loss with Thinking Slimmer and the way that the Slimpods have literally changed my attitude towards food, freeing me from a lifetime of yo-yo dieting and obsessing about either eating or not eating. I've never had much success with exercise.  I have scoliosis of the spine that can cause me problems.  I've also got ruptured stomach muscles after giving birth to Freddy 27 months ago.  The result is that my body is nowhere near as strong as it should be.

With my eating under control and my weight being close to my target, I feel ready to step it up and get my body into shape.  When I was offered the chance to trial the Mutu System (V2) I didn't hesitate.  It sounds like exactly the sort of structured plan I need to address my specific body needs post baby.  Wendy Powell, the creator of MuTu  has a great track record in helping post natal women.  The plan will help to repair muscles, get a flatter tummy, lose fat and gives your body a boost mentally and physically.  It helps us find ourselves again!

The 12 Week Plan starts gently and builds up as physical strength is gained.  The diet side encourages us to eat healthy, natural wholefoods, ditching the junk food, and drinking six glasses of water a day.

The first step is to take measurements of your body to act as a baseline for the programme and taking an underwear shot!!  Goals are also decided and a journal is kept.

I'll be doing the Mutu System at the same time as my Slimpods.  Will I get the body I want by Christmas??  Wish me luck!  I'll report regularly on my progress and at the end might be brave enough to divulge the before and after measurements and photos.

My Moment of Fame in The Sun

Today was the day when my photos appeared in a national newspaper!  I had done the photoshoot in London a couple of weeks ago and had been simultaneously looking forward to / dreading the article on my weight loss appearing in The Sun.  You always wonder who might end up seeing it...ex-boyfriends for example. *shudders* But as soon as I saw the article I stopped worrying about those things.

I am really proud to be helping Sandra with promoting her product.  The Thinking Slimmer Slimpod has definitely changed my attitude towards eating.  Unlike other times when I have religiously and obsessively dieted, the Slimpod allows me to take days off  to enjoy special meals without slipping down the slope to gluttony and impending failure.  My appetite is more controlled and my old tendency to craving foods has disappeared.  My mind has definitely been retuned.  It makes it so much easier to eat well and not obsess about food 24/7.

I hope the article helps other people who have had a similar bad relationship to food to seek new methods to solving their problems.  So many people are resorting to extreme methods of weight loss such as diet pills or even gastric band surgery.  Everyone with a weight problem or an issue with food should at least try the Slimpod first.  There really is nothing to lose (except weight!!).  It's non-evasive, safe and so very easy.  It has helped me battle my demons. You have to want it and work with it...but you do it willingly without feeling deprived or miserable. My weight gain over the years has been completely self-inflicted...turning that on its head has resulted in sustained weight loss and increased confidence.

I am enjoying being a size 12 again!

If you want to read the whole article this is the link.

Mumentum...The Exercise Begins

I've been doing well with the weight loss, inspired (or terrified!) by the photoshoot for The Sun last week. The good eating continues to be easy (I love my Slimpod!!  I just don't spend all day craving food anymore...it has really liberated me.)  My story is up on the Thinking Slimmer website this week.  I only have to look at my 'fat pic' to know it is all worth the effort!

Exercise has been a real nemesis to me however.  Over the years I have struggled to find an exercise regime that didn't cripple me.  I have a spinal defect that just does not like exercise...even yoga and pilates caused me problems.  After one Pilates session I couldn't walk for three days!  So the exercise dwindled.  Running about with the kids and family walks have been my only exercise.  I've tried crunches to get my tummy flat, but struggled to lift my head off the floor (much to the amusement of the kids!)  I have zero strength in my stomach muscles...they are so weak after giving birth to Freddy it is laughable.  The two halves of my muscle did not knit back together like they are meant to, and despite mentioning it to my doctor at my six week check, no further investigations were done and I've learnt to ignore the fact that you can poke your fingers into my intestines through my tummy!  Having confirmation of my blown stomach muscles from fitness expert Nicki Waterman who interviewed me for the article in The Sun, was the incentive I needed to start working on my abs, before surgery becomes the only option to fix my core muscles.

She told me that doing a Plank was the best way to knit the two sides of my wayward muscles together.  From that night I've Planked several times a day!  At first I could barely hold my position for 10 seconds, but I'm now lasting just short of a full minute.  It is amazing to see a difference already.  I might not be doing it absolutely perfectly with my bum sticking in the air rather than having a perfectly aligned body, but the tone of my belly has improved noticeably so it's doing some good!  Fingers crossed this will help pull everything together and tone up my tum.

Here is an instructional video in case you want to have a go at flattening your tummy too.

Good luck to all you other Mumentum ladies!  Together we can do it!

My Day as a Model!

I am actually feeling quite exhausted!  Spending the day as a model on a photoshoot is not as easy as it looks!  Clothing changes, make-up touch ups, striking poses...all while wearing 5" ill fitting heels is a real art!  But I survived and had a fab time!

I was invited to do a photoshoot for The Sun as a Thinking Slimmer success story.  I've been one of Sandra's Slimpod triallists since November 2010 and have found the results to be life changing.  My yo-yo diet lifestyle finally seems to be a thing of the past.  The three stone within which my weight fluctuated seems to be gone for good.  I still have a stone to lose before I feel completely safe, but I've gone from a 16/18 to a size 12 and feel more positive about my life than ever before.

Today I got up at silly o'clock and hopped on  a train to Euston where I was met by Sandra.  A cab took us to Click Studios where my day as a 'model' began.  I was transformed by a make-up artist to the stars!!  My hair was curled and my face painted with a range of Mac make-up that would have made my make-up-obsessed 9 year old drool!  A range of fabulous new season clothing from Debenhams arrived for me to try on.  I have been having anxiety dreams about nothing fitting me, and being sent away shame-faced for being a dieting fraud...so I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I wriggled my way into a pair of size 12 Julien MacDonald Star jeans.  I tried on a selection of tops and some wicked heeled shoes.  When they were happy with my look I stepped out into the studio (although my stepping was more hobbling in the heels!)

The photographer got me to 'bend my leg', 'pop my hip' , 'drop my chin', 'tilt my head' and adopt shapes that were straight from Modelling 101!  He complimented my natural smile and made me feel at ease.

Next stop was a dress that looked very 50's.  With the make-over and the dress I looked exactly like my mum used to.  It was a bit uncanny!  More posing, more killer heels and another clothes change and I was done.  It was quite a work out...seriously!

Celebrity nutritionist Amanda Ursell and fitness expert Nicki Waterman were on hand to chat to me about my lifestyle and my journey and offered me advice.  I asked Nicki about my ruptured stomach muscles following Freddy's pregnancy and birth.  She had me lie down in the middle of the studio and gave my stomach a poke and told me that me muscles are still not knitted together properly which is why I struggle to exercise and get a toned tummy.  She showed me somethings I could do and is going to help me.  Hopefully it will work...otherwise I might need surgery!! *gulps*

It was an amazing experience, and the article will be in The Sun shortly.  I took a few photos of myself all glammed up, but look forward to seeing the full length shots.  I have to cast from my mind the fact that thousands of people are going to see me in the paper...or I'll get all panicky!!  (I hope they airbrush the finished result!!  I want the same treatment as the celebrities!!)

If you are yet to discover Thinking Slimmer Slimpods, check out their life changing products at thinkingslimmer.com.  They have literally changed the way I think about food and given me a freedom from so many of my issues.  If you think they could help you...don't hesitate!

Thanks again to the wonderful Sandra from Thinking Slimmer for this amazing opportunity :) xxx

Mumentum Update

I am keeping religiously to my diet aided by my Thinking Slimmer Slimpod this week.  In the three weeks that I have been focused on a return to being somewhat virtuous, I have lost a further 12 lbs.  In this time I have had a family party for the MIL and FIL's birthdays that involved a meal out and a cake buffet at my house.  I ate a leek and mushroom shepherd's pie with vegetables and that was it.  Not even a piece of cream cake or cheesecake passed my lips.  Seeing what was left of the puddings, I thought about how I would have finished it all off without even thinking before.  But I just did not want to eat it which is such a revelation.  I binned a load of cake that had been sat out all day...that is unheard of for me.  I would have had cake for breakfast rather than waste it...but the thought of consuming Morisson's BOGOF Frozen Cheesecakes just did not justify the calorie consumption involved.

12lbs lighter.

I do have an ulterior motive to my resolve however.  I have a photoshoot for a national newspaper in London on Wednesday, that has scared me into 100% commitment! (More on this to follow!)  I hope that when the pressure is off, I can still find the motivation to keep the weightloss going.  I want to ease off a bit so I can enjoy the occasional takeaway or quality dessert, but I don't want to plummet down the slippery slope to gluttony.

Balance is always the thing that has been difficult for me.  I'm either 100% resolve or I'm just plain greedy.  I was watching the documentary about Claire from Steps and I could relate to her issues with food completely. Like me, she could lose weight if there was a purpose behind it, otherwise the lure of the naughty but nice takes control.  I'm really hoping this time is different and I can find a happy balance that allows me to enjoy food but still maintain my weightloss.  I think this is where the Slimpods win, as long as I want them to work they will.  This is definitely my greatest long term challenge and possibly the greatest challenge I've ever faced in my life as a yo-yo dieter.

In the last 2 years my weight has tipped the scales over the 16 stone mark...I'm now 3 stone lighter, but my aim is to lose another half a stone and then maintain it, without the wild fluctuations I have experienced over and over again.

I have a terrible self-image of my body, but the whole hypnosis thing has really helped improve my confidence and self-belief.  I can see a change in myself and I want to keep working on that.  I'm not happy yet...but I hope I will be soon.

Mumentum...I'm In a Newsletter!

I'm in the Thinking Slimmer Newsletter!!  So I decided to share their article here as my Mumentum post. 

Binge-eater Wendy's new skinny jeans prove our latest Slimpod's a winner!

By Sandra Roycroft-Davis, Founder of Thinking Slimmer

WHEN we create new Slimpods they need to pass the toughest tests we can find before we make them available to our customers. So when we wanted to put our unique Drop Two Jeans Sizes Slimpod through its paces we couldn’t have picked a better person than binge-eater Wendy McDonald.

She confesses the worst thing she’s ever done is sneak upstairs and eat the three selection boxes she’d bought her kids for Christmas. “I wolfed down 10 choccie bars in one go and I wasn’t even hungry,” she says. “That was shameful.”

Today Wendy, 42, from Shropshire, (pictured below) has beaten her eating mania for good and gone from a size 16/18 to a neat size 12 with the combined help of Drop Two Jeans Sizes and our Chocoholic Cure.

I was a yo-yo dieter

“After my first child I put on five stone,” she says. “Since then I have been a yo-yo dieter and a binge eater. I had no stop button. I would keep stuffing my face without ever feeling full or sick. I used to overeat even though I wasn’t hungry.

“I was hugely sceptical about Thinking Slimmer but to my amazement I couldn’t believe the difference in my life. In the first two weeks I lost 11 lbs!

"That damaging binge eating I’d suffered with for years just went! No more three packets of biscuits for elevensies, no more pigging out on chocolate. My body breathed a sigh of relief that I had stopped abusing it at last.

“I used to eat a 200g bar of Cadbury's Wholenut in one sitting - now I have nothing.  I have breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I even have a little bowl of ice cream or a lolly for pudding, so I’m not being deprived of goodies.  I simply don’t want to eat more than that.  Result.

Confident again

 “If I want to confirm my Slimpod’s

a success I just look at the size 12 clothes hanging in my wardrobe. Today, I felt confident enough to brave the clothes shops again and have bought myself new skinny jeans, some tops, underwear and a dress.

"It was empowering to be able to do so without thinking that there wasn’t any point to me having new clothes. I’m going to bag up all my size 16 clothes and give them to a charity shop, so there is no going back.

The new Drop 2 Jean Size Slimpod is now available from Thinking Slimmer.  The visualisation is more specific to those of us who wear jeans rather than dresses!

Gaining Some Mumentum

Over the Summer, I've had lots of opportunities to over indulge with stays in hotels, all you can eat buffets and day trips with fast food.  Although I've not slipped back into my self-destructive binge eating (thanks to my Thinking Slimmer Slimpod which seems to have 'cured' that part of my pysche), I haven't had the best diet.  Some days, I did not eat my 5 a day *slaps wrist* and other days ended up with us having to eat out in McDonald's through sheer lack of choice when out and about.  So although I haven't undone the weightloss I achieved, I haven't lost any more weight.

Now the kids are going back to school and the non-stop activity of the holidays draws to a close, I've got the luxury of concentrating on myself again in terms of what I consume.  This should result in me feeling a lot better and hopefully begin the weightloss again.

For three days now I've returned to the religious listening to Trevor and my Slimpod.  For breakfast I'm having Special K with So Good soya milk.  Lunch is veggie soup and fruit.  Dinner is a Quorn Steak, rice and vegetables.  I also snack on fruit and raw carrots to top up my 5 a day quota.  I drink black decaff coffee and have one glass of fruit juice a day.  It's been really easy...no hunger pangs, no cravings...fingers crossed I'll be reporting back with some results soon!

As Helen pointed out, it's just 16 weeks until Christmas!  How lovely it will be to look exactly how we all want to look...good luck ladies!

Mumentum

My Mumentum posts are getting a bit dull...since using the Slimpods my attitudes have changed and I'm no longer battling my demons, binge eating or embarking on the next yo-yo diet.  The weight loss has slowed down but as I'm now in it for the long haul, I'm no longer stressing over the scales!

There are steps I can take to up the ante if I need to.  I still have a biggish evening meal which I insist on finishing.  I do feel full, but the part of me that has had it ingrained in me to 'clear my plate' can't quite bring myself to leave food.  But as my meals consist of healthy veggie fayre, I'm not too worried about it.  I just need to get the portion control sorted out using my Diet Plate.  I think that holds the key to my next step!

As for exercise, I know I should try and find something that I can do to get the blood pumping.  In the past I have done yoga, Pilates, holistic toning and attended the gym.  However every time I have done exercise, I have put my back out.  Even the back strengthening yoga poses have been known to do me damage.  It was after I had Ella 15 years ago that I damaged my spine.  X Rays showed I had slight scoliosis and her birth aggravated it to the extent that I found it hard to stand up and straighten my back.  It took a year to get better, but everytime I did any exercise it flared up giving me pain and a weakness in my legs.  It took me years to realise that my attempts to strengthen it were actually making my condition worse.  Any twisting, jolting or anything that put any undue pressure on my spine would set me back.

Since giving up the gym my back has been fine!  Oh the irony!!   But I'm not getting any real exercise.  Walking is the only thing left for me (I hate swimming and won't even consider that as an option!!).  So I hope this summer I will get off my arse and do a lot more walking with the kids...not just around the local shopping centre either!  I want to get out and about in the fresh air.  So that is my resolve...to try and improve my fitness...without crippling my back!! Plus it'll be tonnes of fun!

My Psychology of Slimming

"I am someone who has previously suffered from an eating disorder.  I have starved myself.  I have pretended to eat, hidden food and felt proud of my deceit.

Over the years, my eating disorder took on a new tact...that of binge eating.  I have no stop button.  I can keep going, stuffing my face with food without ever feeling sick or full.

Clearly the binge eating was not good for the waist line and eventually the whole consumption of hundreds of calories in one sitting took its toll.

The emotional aspect of comfort eating is an easy excuse to justify why I had just eaten a family sized 200g bar of Cadbury's Wholenut, followed by a family bag of Tortilla Chips (yes I really did that).  But to me that excuse wears thin, becoming a vicious circle of  "I'm depressed so I'll eat. Oh dear I'm fat so I'm depressed.  I'm miserable so I'll hit the biscuit barrel!"  There is no escape from the spiral of destruction that goes hand in hand with that train of thought.

I've eaten because my "mouth has been bored"!  Before the days of this blog, I was a non-stop eater.  Boredom can be a complete killer in terms of calorie consumption.  The very fact I now have this little corner of Cyberspace to keep me occupied means that I would sometimes not think about food for longer periods of time.  But eventually the knowledge of the fact that my cupboards contained treats bought for the kids would filter into my conscious and the binging would recommence.

Attempting to eat healthy alternatives is just not an option.  How can a small handful of sunflower seeds and a peeled carrot compensate for not having the cream cake that you know is in the fridge?  It can't...you just eat both the healthy snack and the cake!

Not having treats in the house is unrealistic.  I was not about to deny my kids a lunchbox treat just because I couldn't control myself.  But one December I had bought selection boxes for the kids and I hid myself away and literally gorged myself on ten full sized choccie bars because I was feeling a bit down.  Shameful!

Being so tall meant I could get away with carrying extra weight, and it wasn't until I went to the doctor's and was weighed that I realised that I had crept into the band of the BMI chart that screamed OBESE!!!!  To me, obese people were those bed bound giants that lay in the prison of their own bodies.  The ones who ordered in pizzas and fried chicken as they grew their rolls of undulating fat.  Not me!  I couldn't be obese...but there I was according to the new fangled calculations of shame.

I'd diet with sterling will power and lose weight quickly, but eventually I'd tire of the feeling of self-deprivation and hit the bakery department of Morrisons with the wild abandon of Augustus Gloop in Wonka's Chocolate Factory.  It wouldn't be pretty.  I'd convince myself it was a one off glitch, but the dieting spell was broken...it was easy to 'slip' again and again until I was all slip and no diet!

The blogging journey thankfully lead me into the open arms of Sandra from Thinking Slimmer.  I agreed to do a trial of a new Slimpod.  I didn't have any expectations and although it seemed to work at first, something just made me give up and sabotage my efforts after the 21 day trial.  I thought that would be the end of my relationship with Thinking Slimmer but they don't give up that easily.  With a few tweaks of my programme, some supportive phone calls and Tweets, I was ready to try again.  I had a few false starts but when the time was right I committed to it. This time things have changed dramatically.

It was being at Cybermummy that really brought the difference in me to the fore.  All those cupcakes and chocolate bars available to munch on all day long.  That used to be my idea of heaven.  A cornucopia of sugar laden treats going begging...and all for free!  It was the ultimate temptation...but someone forget to tell my unconscious mind to crave them.  It didn't even occur to me to want to eat them.  I popped a couple in my bag thinking that my girls would love them.  I didn't pop them in my mouth!  It wasn't until 3pm when I made a conscious decision to have one because I was feeling a bit flaky due to only having a tiny lunch.  I recognised a need to eat something to keep me going and I enjoyed trawling all the cupcake displays in the main hall, looking for my prize.  I settled on Johnson Baby's offering and it was a good choice. Light vanilla sponge and not too much frosting.  I savoured my treat and no floodgate of food cravings was opened.  That to me is a huge success.

I want to be able to eat something delicious from time to me, having factored in the calorie content.  I want to enjoy it, relishing the indulgence, but confident in the fact that one will be enough.  I want to live my life without feeling that I can't go out anywhere because I'm afraid of temptation.   This door has finally opened up to me...I am at last free."

This is my Mumentum post.  Thank you to the lovely ladies and the wonderful Liska for making me not feel alone with my issues and triumphs.  Thank you to Sandra and Trevor for the opportunity to try something that I would never have considered doing myself otherwise.  My life is truly changing.

Mumentum...Throwing the Scales Away

This week I'm taking advice from Sandra at Thinking Slimmer.  I am throwing out the scales.  I know from experience that weight loss is never linear.  The journey to being slimmer comes with sheer drops which are great but also plateaus where the weight does not shift.  Plateauing can be demoralising.  After a week of being virtuous to find that I've lost no weight can be enough to send me to the biscuit tin.  My efforts can be completely ruined after being taunted by the unwavering needle of the bathroom scales.  Being obsessed by the number of pounds lost can definitely cloud my focus.  Weight loss has to be seen as a long term effort, not a quick fix.  Weight can fluctuate from hour to hour depending on whether you have been to toilet, had a big drink or just eaten.  It can change from morning to night.  It definitely changes across the course of the month with water retention.  So relying so heavily on weighing in, can lead to demoralisation and wanting to just give up when the scales don't seem to reward your week's dieting.

I am the sort of dieter who jumps on the scales everyday searching for the elusive lost pound.  If I felt I had been particularly good I would be gutted if the scales stayed the same.  It would really put a cloud over my day.  I'd wonder why I was bothering if I wasn't getting the results.

I had brilliant weight loss for my first two weeks since joining in with mumentum.  This really showed me how my gluttony was responsible for a good stone of my excess weight.  Stopping the greed is a quick fix to shedding those pounds.  However there is no way I can sustain weight loss like that...it would be unhealthy anyway.  The weight loss has to slow down, but I know from experience that the slow, steady decrease in weight frustrates me.  That frustration can really scupper me!  I've done it so many times in the past.

So instead of falling prey to something that I know will knock me off my path to a slimmer me, I'm going to stay away from weighing myself every week.  So I can't tell you whether I've lost weight or not.  But I can report that my size 12 jeans do up without a struggle...so that's got to be good right?

I can say that I'm not snacking between meals and I haven't touched chocolate at all.  I am eating the same as the family, which means my meals are not very low calorie.  So if I notice no changes I can up the ante by making diet dinners for myself...so that is a weapon in my arsenal!  Fingers crossed though things will keep going in the right direction.

I hope everyone else is doing well this week and that you are all feeling good about yourselves!!  We will get there ladies!!

Mumentum...Weekly Update!!

Two weeks ago I was ready to change myself for the better.  At 6' tall I was carrying my excess weight all over, and although I'm not huge in any one dimension, I felt mannish, like an Olympic shotputter.  It didn't make me feel feminine or attractive being this shape. It was time for me to do something positive.

With the support of #Mumentum and the wonderful Sandra at Thinking Slimmer things have changed.  Last week I reported a 5 lb drop in weight.  Today I weighed myself and another 6lbs has gone from my frame...making an 11 lb weightloss in total!  It is quite drastic, but I haven't starved myself, I haven't gone without and I haven't suddenly started doing tonnes of exercise.  All I have done is listen to my Slimpods which have caused me to eat less and eat better. Simples!

Before this fortnight I'd constantly graze.  The word grazing always makes me think of a sheep nibbling at greenery...this however is not how I graze!  My grazing involved constantly snacking on chocolate, cheese, crisps, bread, cake, biscuits and generally anything I could find in my treat cupboard.  I used to justify it by saying that my mouth was bored!!  I used to think that one more wouldn't make a difference.  Then I'd eat a huge meal in the evening (then finish off the left overs from the kids' plates) and have four slices of toast and butter and jam for supper.  God, I feel ashamed actually writing this...but I feel that it is part of my healing to get these skeletons out of my closet once and for all.

Since using the 'Lose 2 Jean Sizes Slimpod' alongside the 'Chocoholic Cure' I have experienced massive changes in my eating habits.  I do not eat between meals and my portions have halved.  The strangest thing is that I have gone off chocolate bars which is unheard of.  I don't even spare them a thought anymore.  I used to eat a 200g bar of Cadbury's Wholenut in one sitting...now I have nothing.  I have breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I even have a little bowl of ice cream or a lolly for pudding, so I'm not being deprived of goodies.  I simply don't want to eat more than that.  Result.

Today, I felt confident enough to brave the clothes shops again and bought myself new skinny jeans, some tops, underwear and a dress.  It was empowering to be able to do so without thinking that there wasn't any point to me having new clothes.  I'm going to bag up all my size 16 clothes and give them to a charity shop so there is no going back. It will be so cathartic!!

I know this weight loss will slow down soon because it can't keep dropping off at this rate.  I may have to start exercising, heaven forbid!!  But the main reason for this is to get some control back, provide a positive role model to my three daughters and make them proud of me.  It's not about vanity or trying to aspire to some impossible media hyped image of a stick thin celebrity.  It isn't about me conforming to some stereotype of a self-hating woman trying to change through self-loathing and deprivation.  It is simply about doing what is right for me.  Showing my kids that gluttony is not acceptable, and is not healthy either physically or mentally.  It is about getting healthy and enjoying life.

I'll leave you with a photo of me taken today.  I'm well on my way to being the person I want to be both inside and out.  Thank you to everyone who is helping me to make it happen!

*Thought I'd better add that I am not on commission to Thinking Slimmer hehe!!  I just love it this much!!*

Thinking Slimmer Review

Anyone who reads my blog will probably know I have been trialling Slimpods since last November. My success has not always been long lasting because things have got in the way (like Christmas, illness and generally losing my Chi for dieting!)  However, Sandra the CEO of Thinking Slimmer has taken it upon herself to really help me. I've received personal phonecalls and direct messages on Twitter, and between us we have come up with my current programme.  She has been wonderful. Also I think the time is now right and the supportive #mumentum group has been the final piece of the puzzle, giving me the motivation to succeed once and for all!

I am using the Drop 2 Jean Sizes Slimpod at the moment.  Previously I had used one that referred to dress sizes, and although it is a subtle difference, I couldn't relate as well to the visualisation of myself in a frock!  So this one is tailored to suit me better.  There are lots of different options so you can find one that fits your own personal needs.

I've been listening for about a week now and it really is facilitating some amazing changes in the way I eat.  For example today I was in Starbuck's with my husband.  By habit, he bought me a Mocha and a Skinny Lemon Muffin.  I was thinking 'what the hell, I'll eat it anyway...it's skinny!' but I just couldn't.  I really didn't want it.  It just didn't appeal to me at all. I wrapped it in a napkin and brought it home for the kids!  I have said no to the offer of food using will power, but this was different.  I just did not want it and it was there on a plate in front of me.  It actually scared me a little bit!!  This was massive!

No thanks!!

I've lost 5lbs already and I'm not having to do anything apart from listen to my MP3 player at bedtime.

If you think hypnosis could help you, take a look at their website.  It's not just a place to purchase a downloadable Slimpod.  There is information, success stories that are really motivational, advice and support. It's a real community and after you become a customer you get access to the VIP area.

I love the soothing voice of Trevor Silvester who uses WordWeaving to gently talk to your unconscious mind, influencing you in a natural way.

I'd say give it a go...there is nothing to lose...except your excess weight!!!

Mumentum...My Journey to Being Slimmer

It's been just a week since I hooked up with Liska and the other #Mumentum girls.  I'm already 5 lbs lighter, more positive and my attitude to food has changed.

I've restarted my Thinking Slimmer Slimpods, listening to the 10 minute recordings at bedtime every night.  It has really helped me.  I am listening to the yet to be released "Lose Two Jean Sizes" slimpod, along with the "Chocoholic Cure".  They help by reprogramming the unconscious part of your mind to see food as a fuel that is there to be burned.  It makes you aware of the feeling of fullness and makes you open to change habits of a lifetime.  It encourages you to do 'anything more than nothing' to achieve your goal everyday and visualise the person you want to be.  The person you CAN be!

It really is incredible that after just a few days I am no longer craving treats or binging.  It's easy to say no to food or just have a little taste of things and then stop.  I genuinely don't feel like I'm being deprived of the things I used to want, because the desire for them has gone.

So far so good!!  But I do believe that the support of you #Mumentum ladies is really instrumental in the effectiveness of my ability to allow myself to succeed this time.  I feel that I'm not alone, that other people care and are rooting for me, like I'm rooting for them!  Motivational chats on Twitter and comments on blog posts have raised my spirits immensely and I'm so grateful for the support and friendships that are developing online.  Everyone has different motives for their weightloss or fitness goals.  Everyone is taking a different approach...but we all want the same thing.  To get back the control and be as healthy as we can be for our families.

I'll be thrilled to meet up with some of our group at Cybermummy.  And I really hope that we get the opportunity to attend an event together as the #Mumentum Ladies!  We could get T-Shirts and everything!!  Poster girls for fabulous Mummies working on reducing their tummies together!

Liska's group is snowballing as other people on Twitter see the hashtag and realise what a great group it is.  I'm so glad that I joined in and proud to play a part in it!  This is exactly what social media should be about...enabling like-minded people to link up and connect.

My one concern is that my lack of exercise will eventually call a halt to my weightloss.  I've done all kinds of things in the past. Yoga, pilates, holistic toning and going to the gym.  In every one of these attempts I've put my back out.  I couldn't walk for 3 days following one Pilates class!  I was diagnosed with scoliosis after the birth of baby number 3.  I had a year of restricted movement and pain following Ella's birth.  There is definitely something amiss in my spine.  Instead I will try to walk the school run more often and do activities with the family that gets my blood pumping. Fingers crossed it will be enough.

I start week 2 with a positive outlook and I can really see where I want to be.  Using Cybermummy as the first marker enables me to set a date for my first target.  I'm not entering into any mass hysteria regarding the Cybermummy event as some people have suggested to other people's attempts to lose weight etc.  But it is an event that is punctuating my year and therefore provides an opportunity to lose a bit of weight and is a focus for my efforts.  Feeling like I'm doing well is a huge confidence boost.  There is no harm in that whatsoever!!

Possibly the Bravest Post I've Done...Momentum!

I've decided that the only way I'm going to get motivated enough to really stick at the latest in a long line of failed diet attempts is to open up to everyone.  I want to share what I see when I look in the mirror.  I want to express the feeling of vulnerability and the desire to change.  I want to write a post that inspires me to do it for the long haul.

Since having Freddy I've lost over 3 stone, although the last stone has gone back on and off over the last 12 months.  It is that stone which is my problem.  It is that stone that I want to shake off and put behind me for good.  It is that stone that reminds me that I am weak, that I am undisciplined with my diet and that I am a failure.  It is that stone which terrifies me, taunts me and mocks my attempts.  But it is also the stone that I hide behind.  The one that almost comforts me, as it strips away any expectations.  It enables my gluttony.  It is my feeder.  It tells me "What difference does it make what you eat...you're fat anyway?"  It manipulates, lies and smirks as I eat another piece of cake or two.

For every part of me that wants to change, there is an equal part that fears that change.  It is ridiculous.  But it is that that sabotages my attempts.  Something buried deep inside that doesn't want to give up the greed and the comfort of limitless food.  It holds on tight.  I wish I could unearth why.

When I was younger I was thin.  My eating disorders, my rebellion and my control, maintained a skinny figure.  But I wasn't happy.  I look at photos of me with that body...5ft 11" and sylph-like...and wonder why I wasn't ecstatically happy, confident and in control.  Instead I was a depressed self harmer with no self-esteem who found myself single and pregnant at 18.  We are promised by the media and told by the multi-million dollar diet industry that slim equals happy.  We are told that the secret to happiness is to shed those last few pounds.  We are shown images of smiling women, spinning round in floaty dresses and posing next to giant jeans that they used to wear.  If only life was that simple.

As a Teenager

Pregnancy and the birth of my son turned my life around and put me on the path to where I am now.  My life has become a happy place where I feel content, safe and secure.  My adoring husband is supportive, complimentary, passionate and he loves me regardless of what size I am.  And over the years that we have been together, I have been many sizes!

Yet still this elusive weight related utopia beckons to me.  I want it, I really do.  These pictures show why.

Christmas 2009, and I'm stuffing in Ferrero Rochers in a "How Many Can You Eat In One Minute" contest with my family. I do well in these gluttony based competitions...funny that!

Christmas 2009

My sister got married in February of the following year.  I lost nearly 2 stone in 2 months.  I bought an outfit and some new wardrobe staples in size 16.  Within a few weeks, the new wardrobe I bought was too big.  Unworn size 16 jeggings still languish in my wardrobe.

February 2010

I have yo-yoed since then...stone on, stone off, but I am wearing size 14 clothes now.  The jeans are actually way too big and I always end up looking like a builder...not a good look.  I got brave and bought myself some size 12 jeans for Cybermummy and they fit well.  But they do unnerve me a little...since buying them I've been back to my old binging.  I've put on 5 lbs!

May 2011

I've just embarked on a Thinking Slimmer Slimpod Trial to "Lose 2 Jean Sizes" (available in Autumn) alongside a "Chocoholic Cure" .  The hypnosis MP3's have worked for me before, until my subconscious came along and sabotaged my success.  I had a phone call with Sandra (the founder of Thinking Slimmer) and discussed my 'problem' at length and this latest combination of Slimpods could help me on my way.  I am feeling more empowered.  My other weapon is my Diet Plate which helps immensely with portion control.  It is an excellent tool for making sure you don't over eat at meal times.  I'm also priveleged to be friends with some lovely ladies on Twitter including the lovely Liska who have the MomemTum group.  Support from other women sharing the same experiences is very powerful and motivating.

I'll leave you with the physical embodiment of the extra stone.  My belly.  Five pregnancies and an adulthood of yo-yo diets have resulted in something resembling over handled dough.  It's not attractive and it hangs over my waistband when I sit down.  I want it gone.  Now I've shown everyone what lurks beneath the baggy jumpers...I have a duty to get rid of it.

What lurks beneath!

Cybermummy is so close now!  I want to feel full of confidence as I walk in!  I want to look nice.  I don't want to hide beneath a baggy top.  I was tweeting last night about what to wear...I really want a gorgeous top.  But I don't even know what a gorgeous top would look like.  I hate clothes shopping.  I wish I had a Gok Wan to give me a hand!!  First things first though....diet starts NOW!!!!!