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Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Regrets...I Have A Few!

Why I Won't Be At Cybher or Britmums This Year

Right now, with all the chat regarding Cybher, I'm kicking myself a bit that I didn't try to find myself a sponsor.  I really am way too shy for my own good, with a god awful fear of rejection.  Although outwardly I possibly seem quite confident, when it comes to the crunch I am still that little girl who'd go to the Playcentre Disco on a Friday night and stand in the corner all on my own.  I desperately wanted to join in and dance with all the other kids, but would be paralysed with fear.  So I'd stand there fiddling with my hair and try not to let the tears that threatened to fall escape from my eyes.

Shyness really is incapacitating.  I sometimes wish I could step back into my young self with my adult mind (Butterfly Effect style...but without the repercussions!) and give myself the shove I needed to join in, make people laugh and enjoy my childhood.  I'd love to see how differently things would have been had I not held myself back.  I never really reached my full potential in so many ways.  Don't get me wrong, I seriously wouldn't change a thing because where I am now is exactly where I'm meant to be, but I do wonder if there is some alternate reality where I achieved the things that I could have.

All that aside, the bottom line is that when it comes to the crunch, my inner child still rears her little head and prevents me from really going for anything.  She still sabotages much of what I do.  She makes me feel like I'm not worthy of being considered important enough for someone to want to invest in.  It is this part of me that makes me never go after things that I want.  I am not pro-active.  I don't create my own opportunities.  I wait for things to come to me.  When opportunities do arrive I grasp them with both hands and  perform to the best of my ability, but I don't monopolize on these opportunities.  I don't follow up things or build relationships or make contacts.  I am rubbish at all that!  I can't self-promote...hell,  I hardly believe in myself most of the time!

This lack of putting myself out there means that I won't be attending either Cybher or Britmums Live this year.  At the time, I wasn't that worried about it.  But now I feel the pangs of regrets as I see the statuses, comments and Tweets appearing in my timelines.  I will miss meeting up with many of the bloggy folk that I now regard as friends.  I will miss learning new things.  I really want to get up to speed on the whole SEO malarkey and want to discover new ways of making my blog work for me.  I need some inspiration right now, but don't think I'm going to find it sat here in my living room, just me and my laptop.

OK, whinge over.  It's my fault.  Lessons learned and all that!  I'd like to think I'll be more pro-active next time...but chances are, I'll be just as backward at coming forward next time.  I'm now off to appease my Inner Child with some cake and hope that she will hush her whispers and let me feel good about things again soon!

Little Miss shy, shyness, Mr Men,

14 comments:

  1. As you know I am not going either but not through lack of shyness but just didn't put myself 'out there' laziness and apathy rather than shyness. Even as a Little Miss Shy you have achieved so much with your blog and I am sure more good things are to come xx

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  2. Aww lovely, I wish you were going to Cybher as I'd love to meet you in person. I understand the shyness issue, I too suffer from it but am actually very confident with strangers as I know I'll never see them again. With my friends I'm shy and always think about what they are thinking of me. I feel for you and wish I could change my childhood as I missed out on so much as I was so shy and never stuck up for myself. I hope I can raise my boys differently. hugs and hope one day we get to meet. xxxx

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  3. I know how you feel Wendy...this is exactly why I dont attend these things. I've promised myself I will next year because there are so many bloggers I'd love to meet x

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  4. I agree with Lou...you have achieved so much even with your shyness...and you've never been shy around me...I've always thought of you as an old (ok less of the old) friend. I'm not going to Cybher either as this shy little flower will be dressed as a chicken in Magaluf...I prefer to hide behind a mask!
    There's always time to change your mind about Britmums Live....come & cheer me on from the sidelines & help me drown my sorrows when I don't win!! x

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  5. I'm with you on this one. The only reason I can handle BritMums Live is because I'm taking hubby and The Boy with me. I will know that if it's going horribly wrong and I feel low or shy or lacking in self-confidence, I can leave and have a good weekend with them instead. Or I can go and cry on him. People have asked me about how I'm going to handle the anonymity there when there will be so many bloggers? Easy to hide in the background when there's hundreds there, surely?

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  6. I'm much the same- shy and definately got a low opinion of myself at times. Perhaps next year we can make it our goal to go!

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  7. It's funny but I never think of you as being a shy person, to me you are outgoing,
    interesting and funny which I think attribute to a very special lady - my daughter.

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  8. I'm thinking of doing BritMums Live. If I do I'll give you a hug!! Being out of our comfort zone is really hard. I'm actually OK faced with loads of people...it's the one on one situations that are worse for me. I'm glad you'll have your Boy and hubby to make it easier for you. xxx

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  9. I'm thinking of doing Britmums...I'll be there cheering from the front row!!

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  10. Such a shame our paths won't be crossing at Cybher. I look forward to when we can meet up. You are definitely one of the people on my 'must meet' list!

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  11. You met up with me last year kind of one on one and you didn't seem nervous in the slightest. You really must believe in yourself that you are such an amazing person and, as I've said before, I really admire you for your love for your family and what you put into family life etc.

    If it's any consolation I'm not going to either of them either. I know it's because I have a newborn but I'm not sure I'd be going anyway. I had a good time at Cybermummy last year but it was a bit overwhelming and I found the area with all the companies a bit like a free-for-all.

    I'm staying away from Twitter at the moment though because all the talk of it is depressing me :D

    xxx

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  12. Bless you Heather! Cybermummy was a bit manic and I felt a bit 'lost' in the sea of people from time to time. I did decide not to do a conference this year, but I think it is hearing everyone else talk about them that makes me think I should be going along and having something to get excited about too. I have loved meeting so many lovely people who I feel comfortable with....such as you...that have made this blogging thing such a positive experience. Hope to see you soon :) xxx

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  13. It's a deal. Hope you do come

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