Keeping it Clean with the #ACEforSchoolChallenge

School is back in full swing. This means muddy P.E. kits and paint splattered polo shirts have become regulars in my steadily growing laundry pile. Given the price that we paid in September, to have our children togged out in their smart school uniforms, maintaining the cleanliness and the quality of their clothing is pretty important. I don't want to have to re-buy uniform every term, it costs enough buying it as a one off for the new school year. Having that embroidered school logo quadruples the price of the garments, so I will do what I can to keep them as pristine as possible for as long as possible!

One way of keeping the kids' clothes lasting for longer is to use suitable laundry products that will help keep colours bright and fresh and will tackle germs, grease and stubborn stains.  ACE for Colours and ACE Stain Remover Spray keep clothes robust and clean, helping them to last longer, while being gentle enough to use everyday. So those grass stained knees, lunchtime dribbles and arty rainbow splashes can be tackled with ease.

I've been testing the ACE products for the #ACEforSchoolChallenge and have been grateful for a helping hand with the weekly washing. 

Freddy is in Year 5 of primary school and over the years we have had a considerable amount of stains to contend with. Whether it's something dropped down his front in the dinner hall (such as some tomato pasta, which is one of his favourite things to spill - why do they never spill nice, white mashed potato?!) or smudgy, charcoal fingerprints caused by messing around with his mates during art lessons (I swear there was more charcoal on Freddy than there was on his picture of the Egyptian God Anubis) there is always a laundry challenge for me to deal with.

It's not just my youngest son that has pushed my weekly washing endeavours into epic battles. My daughter once came home from school looking like a real life, walking, talking Jackson Pollock painting. When asked how she had got into such a state, she stated matter-of-factly that a boy in her class had decided to paint on her instead of on his paper. This is the kind of thing that we have to contend with as parents on a weekly basis.  I just thank my lucky stars that I live in a time of washing machines, detergents and products such as ACE. How my own mum coped living in the pre- automatic washing machine era, washing stuff by hand in the sink, I will never know! I sometimes feel a bit guilty that things are made so easy for us nowadays, but I soon get over my feelings of guilt and enjoy the ease and convenience of modern living, as I relax with a coffee while listening to the hum of the washing machine doing the job for me.

One thing that really matters to me is trying to reduce my impact on the environment where possible. Laundry is a necessity that I have to do, but I make sure I do full loads, use a faster washing time and a lower temperature setting. With products like ACE, the laundry process is really optimised helping get rid of stains and germs with ease. So I can reduce the energy and water I use, without compromising on the results. With school age kids this is invaluable. The ACE Stain Remover Spray can be used to target stubborn stains making sure the paint, tomato sauce or grass stains are tackled directly and efficiently within the wash. The ACE for Colours is gentle on clothes and helps prevent colours from bleeding or running, as well as helping shift dingy trapped dirt, grease and odours from fabrics. Whites look brighter and colours look more vibrant, even at low temperatures. My children can rock up at the school gates looking clean and smart every morning - but I can't promise they'll look so smart when they come home at 3 o'clock!

Here's a little photo collage of my littlest two in their school uniforms over the years - please note that there is not a stain in sight!

“This post is an entry for the BritMums #ACEforSchool Challenge, sponsored by ACE. Get help for all kinds of stains with the ACE Stain Helper. http://www.acecleanuk.co.uk/ or to buy head to your local Tesco’s, Morrison’s, Waitrose or Sainsbury’s.” 

Learning to Read with Collins Big Cats

Freddy is about to complete his second year of primary school, before moving into Class 2 in September. His time in Reception and Year 1 has seen him make huge amounts of progress, and he has just about scraped through his phonics screening (although he is still below the level that the government expects from our children when it comes to actual reading and writing). His journey towards learning to read and write has not been easy, but with a lot of extra input from both his school and from me at home, he has started to overcome many of the obstacles in his way. He is making good progress now, gaining in confidence and doing so much better. I hate the fact that he has had to be tested and labelled at age 5, but I know that my son is so much more than just a test result or an attainment level.

Helping him with his reading is important to me, not because of the Phonics Screening tests or because of the prospect of SATS tests in his future, but because reading opens up a whole world of wonder and discovery to children. Nurturing a love of books is a wonderful gift to help develop in children. Just because Freddy struggles, does not mean he shouldn't have access to the joy of reading. So I use as many resources as I can to keep him happily learning in a fun and relaxed manner. This strategy is helping him to learn in a natural way without causing him to resent or fear words and books.

Collins have a great range of resources for parents to use at home with their children. The Collins Big Cats Reading Lions reading books offer a series of stories and non-fiction books that children will enjoy. Freddy received a set of their reading books to try out.

The slip case contains six paperback books, three fiction and three non-fiction, each with lovely illustrations and engaging text, suitable for the child's reading level. Level 1 features simple, short sentences made up of words using specific phonemes and without tricky words. They are recommended for ages 4-5 years. Looking at them, I think Freddy could have handled Level 2, but I didn't want to put him off reading with anything too challenging at this stage.

Here is Freddy trying out his new books and giving his thoughts on the Collins Big Cats First Reading At Home books.

                       

The box of six paperback books has an RRP of £24.00.

Find out more about the Collins educational resources available to support your child's learning at home at: www.collins.co.uk.

Thank you teacher!

This academic year is coming to an end with some momentous changes for my three youngest children.  Ella has finished college and is awaiting her A'Level results.  University life beckons come September, bringing with it some big changes for us at home and for her as she begins her further education in Manchester.  It's an exciting time for us all and I think it will be a wonderful opportunity for my daughter to truly find herself and embark on the amazing life she deserves. We will of course miss her, but she'll only be an hour away so I predict lots of weekend visits!

Kizzy will be going up to the secondary school that her three older siblings attended.  She is more than ready for it and is excited about being in 'big school'.  Her SATs results were excellent and I'm sure she will do really well (if he doesn't get lost en route to lessons!)  Kizzy is so sociable and has lots of friends, so I hope she'll fit right in and enjoy all the opportunities that present themselves. She looks so lovely and so very grown up in her new school uniform with a blazer and house tie.

Kizzy in her new uniform

Little Freddy has completed his year in Reception and will be a Year 1 in September.  He is still not up to the 'expected' level in reading and writing, which may be down to the trouble he has with his eyes and his inability to distinguish individual letters within a group.  He has a hospital appointment in August to look at what is going on with his eyesight. In spite of his vision problems, Freddy is really sharp with a quick wit and a keen interest in everything he does, so if a particular issue with his learning is identified, he'll be ready for the challenge. I'm planning on doing some extra work with him over the summer holidays in hope of bridging the gap between what he can do and what he struggles with to build his confidence.  But, regardless of whatever level he is achieving, I have seen Freddy flourish in the school environment. He is so much more sociable, kind, friendly, outgoing and confident, and his manners are impeccable.  He volunteers to do things, loves sharing his knowledge and is an expert when it come to using technology. The reading and writing will come in time.

I have been fondly remembering my own school years.  There are some teachers who I will never forget and whose influence helped shape me as a child.  From my first teacher Mrs Gallie who was maternal, gentle and nurturing to the positively terrifying Mrs Phillips who taught us through our 12+ exams, each and every one of the people who taught me made a difference.  My Junior school maths teacher, Mr Webster was a formidable character with a tendency to throw chalk at pupils and who carried around a dummy to humiliate those children who insisted on sucking on their pen lids.  But I really liked him!  I was delighted to see a photo of him come up on Facebook the other day on the event of my old school's centenary celebrations.  Thirty five years on and he looks just the same as I remembered him...just a bit older.  It made me smile.

Me at Junior School in the 70s

I have such vivid memories of my school years.  I can still recite poems I learned, remember stories I wrote and recall actual lessons and what we did in class.  I hope my own children are making their own lifelong memories of their schooldays now, which will be stored away and looked back on with fondness in years to come.  

Teachers play such a big part when it comes to remembering this part of your life.  I still think back on Mr Goodchild the chemistry teacher who made us all hold hands and run around the science lab pretending to be molecules.  And my history teacher Mr Long's impression of  the hunchbacked King Richard III will never be forgotten.  A good teacher never leaves your thoughts. 

So as this term ends, I will encourage my kids to say 'Thank You' to their teachers. Many of their teachers will not be forgotten over the years.  Freddy's teacher is absolutely wonderful and I am so glad he has her for another year.  He needs a nurturing environment where he is valued for who he is.  Kizzy did not get along very well with her year 6 teacher some of the time, but that experience is a lesson in itself.  Knowing that not everyone is going love you in life and learning to deal with it and come up with strategies to get along is a very important skill.  

When it comes to gifts, you really can't go wrong with wine, flowers or chocolates to say thank you.  A lovely treat to start the summer holidays!  The Cadbury Thank You boxes are a great idea and at just £1.99 for a 48g box or £3.99 for a 180g box, they are a great value gift with a lovely sentiment.

Thank You gift from Cadbury

So, thank you to all the teachers out there, past and present...you have made a difference!

A moment that mattered from 2013

2013 was a funny old year.  With much of the early part of the year given over to Ian's operation and long, slow recovery, my memories are a bit of a blur.  It took a long time for Ian to get himself back to normal
and I think my brain has safely locked away all the stressful moments and worrying times that we experienced.  Recovery time was meant be be three weeks, but it took Ian something like six weeks to feel like himself again. That aside, and given that the outcome of the operation has improved Ian's life and future health, it wasn't all bad.

In 2013 we enjoyed some great family holidays to Center Parcs, Disneyland Paris and Butlins.  We had loads of great days out, threw some fun parties and did some cosmetic work on the house.  There was lots of fabulous family time and I got to meet my beautiful great nephew who I am totally smitten with.  I spent time with my grandson and watched as my own son became a wonderful dad, which made me immensely proud.

But if I had to pick one moment from 2013 that really made a difference to me, it would be Freddy starting school.  Being a July baby, meant he was just over 4 years old in September.  He had an incredibly traumatic time on starting nursery and never completely settled into the routine of his daycare.  Consequently I was worried sick about my baby boy being thrown into full time education. It really affected me negatively, although I tried not to show it. It hung over me like a dark cloud as the school holidays came to an end.

The local school he was due to start at, is a big, oversubscribed Infant school with a reception  intake of over a hundred children.  Securing the much sought after place just did not feel right for us. I thought he would be lost in the sea of little people and not given the one to one support he'd need.  So, at the eleventh hour, I refused the place and I found him one in a tiny, rural school with an intake of just seven kids and an ethos of care, compassion and family values. It just felt like the perfect setting for my little boy to thrive in, where he would be treated as an individual and given the time to grow.  I was still nervous about Freddy being at school from 9-3 everyday and worried about everything from him eating lunches to going to toilet.  But my boy surprised me.  He went straight in on day one without as much as a backward glance and has been a happy schoolboy ever since. He loves the school routine, adores his teachers, has lots of little friends and is learning at his own pace. I am just so proud of him and am so impressed with how he tackles life head on. He may be little, but he is a tough cookie and a real star.

This moment is also significant to me as his mother because I trusted my instincts and went against the expected route to find something that was right for my son.  It's a reminder to me of the importance of doing what's right for each of my children, treating each of them as an individual with their own needs and to fight tooth and nail to provide the best for them.  This is something that I try my very best to do, and so when it works out I feel totally validated as their mum.  It's nice to feel like I've done the right thing.  I so often second guess myself or over think situations or doubt my decisions, but sometimes you just have to trust your judgment and do what you believe is the right thing!

Competition entry for Lloyd's Bank.

Freddy's First Nativity Play

Last night, Ian and I went to our local theatre to watch Freddy's school's Christmas production "Are We Nearly There Yet?"  I have sat through countless school productions over my 25 years of parenting, some good, some not so good.  But this one was undoubtedly one of the best I've ever seen!

The venue, which gave the children a proper stage and lighting, and the audience proper, comfy seating in tiered rows, helped with the enjoyment.  Not having to be packed like sardines into a school hall, sat on those tiny, plastic seats was a huge bonus.  The children seemed to relish performing like real actors and their enjoyment shone through.

My Freddy played one of the angels and looked adorable dressed in white with wings and a halo. He loves singing and dancing and was very excited about performing at a real theatre!

The children did so well with the singing, acting and dancing.  The shepherds' scene was an unexpected moment of comedy gold.  One particular little shepherd stole the show with his improvised comedic dance routine which culminated with him landing on his backside with legs akimbo in his shepherd's dress!  Everyone was laughing and he played to his audience beautifully.  A future comedian in the making!

Freddy and the angels were simply perfect as they sung and danced their way through their song.  I was so proud that my little man was so completely uninhibited on stage and threw himself into the role without any fear.  He is my little star and his dance moves were spot on!  The 'faster than a rocket' action was particularly spectacular.

Yet again, the ethos of caring for one another came over loud and clear.  There were several moments where the older kids took charge and assisted the little ones.  Wings were adjusted, toy sheep and walking sticks were rescued from stage and overexcited chatter was gently hushed.  It is this sense of responsibility and care from the older children to the younger ones, which really sets this school above any others I have come across.  There are only three classes of children aged 4 to 11 at this little rural school, so it has an intimate, friendly and family-like atmosphere.  It was this ethos that made us choose this school for our son and I am so happy with that decision.  Watching this nativity play really showcased the children's love of their school and the relationship between the pupils.

I most definitely shed a tear or two, I laughed out loud and I grinned inanely at the cuteness of the little ones, so this year's play ticked all the boxes of what makes the perfect nativity play!

Well done to everyone who took part and thank you to Freddy's school for being so perfect for him!

What Fred Said about Being Poorly, Praying and the Clouds.

Last week Freddy was a poorly boy, really wiped out by a nasty flu bug. After suffering from a raging temperature and doing nothing but sleeping or crying Freddy rallied round.  At 4.30am last Sunday morning Freddy suddenly woke up and loudly announced that  "my knee-caps were bright red and wobbly which made me dizzy, but now they are better".  Problem solved!

Freddy told me about his school day.
"We sing "Hosanna" then bow our heads, close our eyes and say some words, but I don't know why?"  I really need to explain religion to Freddy, especially as he goes to a C of E school, before he says something embarrassing! He has already got confused between Jesus and Mike the Knight.  What next?

The ethos of his school is obviously rubbing off because he also told me:

"Next birthday I will be five and in Year 1,  then I will look after the children in reception."

It was the element of care and the sense of being part of an extended family that made us want to send him to this school, so I was so happy to hear him volunteer this information to me.  I love his school.

On the drive to school Freddy asked me a scientific question:

"Mummy what are clouds  made of?"
Taking the chance to impress my son with my knowledge, I replied:
"Clouds are actually made up from tiny droplets of water that have...." *cue indignant and incredulous interruption from Freddy*
"Noooooo mummy, they are made of candy floss!" *tuts*

My absolutely favourite thing that Fred said this week was:

"Films are like stories that you watch."  

I loved this :)

What Fred Said about his Future, Boobs and the Common Cold

This week Freddy has had a cold.  This has sparked a host of beautiful observations from my snotty 4 year old.

"My heart giggled and it made my throat tickle, then Boom - I got a cold!"

"Why have I got crumbs up my nose?"  (At least it was more polite than saying bogeys!)

"When you do this" *breathes in through nose* "it sounds all snifftly!"

Plus he keeps running up to me lovingly, then wiping his nose on my leg!  Oh the joys of these back to school germs!

***

He had a new supply teacher at school this week and he was a bit confused by her name.

"She's called Mrs.Dyer.  But she's not dead. She's actually alive!"

***

Ella was chatting to Freddy about his future and a few gems were said!

Ella: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Freddy: A man called Dave.

Ella: What job do you want to do?
Freddy: I want to kill spiders.

Being called Dave is something that is playing on his mind.  He later told me:
"I'm changing my name to Dave next weekend so next weekend call me Dave!"

***

He has made some interesting physical observations this week too!  Out of the blue he said:

"Ella has got bigger boobs than mummy."
He is not wrong, my B cups cannot compete with Ella's D cups!

Daddy picked Freddy up from school one day this week, and he made a nice observation about his dad's car:

"Your car stinks like rotten sweets and barbecues! You should clean it"

***

Freddy still has very little interest in learning to read and how ever hard I try, he will not co-operate with reading his school books.  Every word I try to sound out with him is apparently pronounced: "B-U-M" or "F-A-R-T"!  I pray to god he doesn't say this when reading with his teacher!

What Fred Said about School #saiditsaturday

Freddy started school on Wednesday.  My little, tiny 4 years and 2 month old baby is now officially a full-time school boy.  He handled the transition beautifully and has settled in really well.  He was very tired on Friday afternoon and I think that next week, which is a full five day week, will be a challenge.  But I am extremely proud of my little lad.  He is a star!

He has told me lots of things all about school:

"It is really boring for mummies and daddies."

"My homework is to do playing."

Me: Have you made friends?
Freddy: Yes.
Me: Do they have names?
Freddy: Yes, everyone in my class has a name.

My favourite part of school is doing my homework!" (As he told us that homework is playing, this comes as no surprise!)

Freddy and his cousin and classmate A were discussing why their regular teacher was not in school for the first week:

Freddy:  I think she has problems in her house.
Cousin A:  I think she went on holiday or died!

"The teacher reads lots of stories.  My favourite was about that elephant who went slow, slow, slow, boom, boom, boom!"

"My blue sweatshirt is too soft and makes my tummy feel rumbly!"

I bumped into someone, BOOM, cried and needed an ice pack." (My poor little soldier!!)


I hope Freddy continues to tell me his stories about school, sharing his days with me.  I can't believe that my baby has taken his first step into his school career.  Now I just need to decide what to do with my days without my little boy to look after!

Fuelling Big School Days with Weetabix

The kids are going back to school and they will need a good breakfast to fill their bellies and keep them going until lunchtime.  With Freddy starting full time school on September 4th, I want to be sure he has a good start to the day to prepare him for everything new and exciting that comes his way.  So for Freddy, a bowl of Weetabix with milk is on the menu.

Weetabix is made with 100% wholegrain, is high in fibre and low in fat and sugar making it a great source of slow release energy to fuel my little lad until lunchtime.  It has four added vitamins and iron to aid his physical development and has no added nasties. It is ready to eat in moments with its easy to serve portions, making it perfect for busy mornings. What's more, Freddy loves it!

Having a healthy diet is essential for little ones, especially when they start school, which will see them expending loads of energy as they are stretched both mentally and physically. Weetabix's consultant dietician has some top tips to help make sure your child is happy and healthy at mealtimes.

• A variety of foods at regular meal times is key to a healthy diet
• Involve children in food and meal preparation
• Offer child-size portions, allowing for seconds if wanted, rather than serving one large portion
• Be a positive role model for your child when it comes to eating
• Eat together as a family
• Keep sweet treats as an occasional end of meal treat
• Top up between meals with a healthy snack such as vegetable/fruit sticks with yoghurt dip or breakfast cereal with milk
• Make sure your child is not too tired to eat
• If you have any worries talk to your doctor, health visitor or school nurse

High School Reunions - Would You Go?

I was a pupil at the Herschel High School in Slough from 1981 to 1987. Here I am in my school uniform after coming home from school. I'm wearing my ski jacket that was bought for me to go on a school ski-ing trip to Foppolo  in Italy.  My PE kit is in my Chelsea Girl carrier bag.  I'm wearing a badge that probably showed my support for saving whales or banning the ban or something equally right-on!

At 11, I was a tall, skinny girl who was pretty awkward, quite shy and lacking in self-confidence. I made some very close friends at school who I stuck with throughout my time there. We weren't the cool kids, but we had a good time together.  I mostly enjoyed being at school but I did have some dark times.

It was always assumed that I would be successful and go on to great things. I was very clever, but never driven or motivated.  I never went to university and I'm sure I would be a great disappointment to my teachers if they knew I went on to basically become a stay at home mum and never have a career.  I never reached my potential academically.  I have five A'Levels that have never been used for the greater good!

Not many of the popular girls had much time for me. I wasn't really like them with their pretty hair and make-up.  I liked different music. I wore different clothes. I got A's in all my subjects. I didn't fancy the popular boys.  I wore black nail varnish before it was cool.  I didn't go out to the same places as them.  I never really encountered any hostility, I just rarely crossed paths with the in-crowd. 

I met Ian at Herschel.  He was one of my best friends.  I always got on better with the boys than the girls. We had a lot of laughs at lunch and break hanging out with the lads.  I have some good memories.  I ended up going out with Ian in the 5th Year and ultimately married him some ten years later. (The biggest bonus from my time at Herschel!)

During my final year of the sixth form, I was living with my then-boyfriend and working until 2 am in a bar near Heathrow Airport to pay the rent. I was juggling A'Level revision with pouring pints for American businessmen. I decided not to go to university and stayed with my boyfriend instead.  I got pregnant, he cheated on me, we split up. It was messy.  I moved away from Slough when I had my son Joe. Being a single, teen mum was all-consuming, mentally and physically.  In the years before mobile phones or the internet, staying in touch with school friends was not easy, so I lost touch with almost everyone. (Thankfully not Ian, who remained in my life forever paving the way to us getting together in 1993 and getting married in 1997.)

I've only managed to properly stay in touch with a few of my school friends from this time and don't see them anywhere near enough as I would like to. Other friendships fizzled out as I was pre-occupied first with boyfriends and then with babies. I don't think I was very easy to get along with at times.  I didn't invest very much of myself when it came to friendships.

I rediscovered a lot of fellow pupils on Friends Reunited a few years back and caught up with those I was interested in. It was nice to find some old friends but most of the enthusiastic early communications dwindled away as we ran out of things to say to each other.

Facebook opened up windows into the lives of many more familiar names. I have followed the lives of a few of them via status updates and photo albums and it's nice to know what people have been doing over the years.  I was devastated when one of my closest friends at school died a few years ago.  We were in contact over the internet but he was someone I would have loved to see again and catch up with properly - but that can never happen now.

Now there is the opportunity of attending a School Reunion in the hall of my old school in October.  I always thought I'd love to attend a reunion, but now the chance has arisen I am filled with doubt.  School was 30 odd years ago.  Will I even recognise half the people there?  Will they recognise me?  Will they even care that I am there?  The insecurities of 11 year old me creep back into my psyche. Will I be seen as being old and grey and a bit overweight, or will they still see my teenage self inside?   I think my teachers will see me as a disappointment, an under achiever.

I have struggled on and off with mental health issues for years.  They were at their worst when I was a teenager when I spiralled into a really dark place.  It is only in the last few years that I have put this all completely behind me and come out of the fog that kept on threatening to engulf me. But I know that my stability is fragile.  I don't know if going back to my childhood home town will bring back memories of feeling negative and insecure.  Will I feel like I've failed, even though I know in my heart that I have achieved the most amazing thing in the world: being a mother to my wonderful children.

Or am I just over thinking a simple event that would reunite me with a few old friends and give me the opportunity to have a nosey at a few more?  I am scared that some of the people I held in the very highest esteem may disappoint me, or I'll disappoint them, or we won't even have anything to say to each other.  I see groups of the once popular kids on the reunion thread on Facebook already planning a night out after the event, reminiscing about old times that I was never a part of.  I feel like the girl who never made it into the inner circle of popularity again...although I never really desired it.  It's safer existing in your own little bubble. I just don't want it to burst and throw me back into the insecurities of when I was a teenager. I'm just not sure that I want to come face to face with 'old me' ever again.

The End of an Era - The Start of Something New

I've never been a fan of change.  I like things how they are, with me in control, knowing where I am and what to expect.  It comforts me and keeps me safe.  But life is all about change.  The status quo is in a state of constant flux, with time ebbing and flowing and bringing new challenges in on the tide of life.  Nothing stays the same.  How can it?

I am at a crossroads in my life.  Nothing major in the scheme of things, but life changing to me.  Freddy is going to be going to school in September.  Until now, being a stay at home mum to my fifth and last child has defined me.  Extended breastfeeding and bed sharing with a boy that never slept through the night has made parenting him an intense experience.  But over the months, his reliance on me has become less and less, as my son has found his way towards his increasing independence.

Freddy has not always been an easy child.  For a while I worried about him terribly.  He was high maintenance, fearful of other people, painfully shy and distressed by new experiences.  Someone suggested whether I'd considered Asperger's Syndrome as a reason for his behavior, and I have to admit it had crossed my mind. I also wondered whether the fact that I was over 40 when I had him had possibly been responsible for the way he was.  But I wasn't about to label my toddler or beat myself up about selfishly wanting another child late in life.  My son was unique, precious and an absolute joy, as long as he felt secure in his surroundings.  He just needed to find his way to deal with life outside of his very limited comfort zone.

Starting nursery was a nightmare.  I put him in the local setting attached to the Infant School that I thought he would ultimately attend.  It is a popular and oversubscribed nursery so I was fortunate to find him a place in the afternoons.  However, it was all wrong for him.  It was horrendous seeing my son regress further into himself, screaming hysterically, physically hurting himself, stuttering and going rigid with fear. He even became afraid of the people he knew, losing his trust in everything. It all happened so quickly.  The negative changes were sudden and extreme.  I blamed myself.  I felt torn between wanting to protect him and keep him away from the world, and feeling frustrated and angry that he wasn't like the other kids.  The reassurances that the nursery made to me before he started, about buddying him up with another child to help him integrate and allowing me to stay if need be, were just empty promises. The emphasis on the setting was school readiness, rigid structure and independence. There was no room for manoeuvre.  My son thrived on love, nurture and security.  It was too soon to try to make a highly nervous 3 year old into a schoolboy.  It was all wrong.

I was proud of myself for taking him out of that place.  I thought it'd feel like defeat, but it didn't.  I had the power to make a change and I did.  I knew however, that it was important for him to take a step towards starting school as he will be just 4 years and 2 months old come September.  But he needed the right nursery to help nurture him towards being independent.  I found the perfect place, with the perfect people.  An emphasis on play and child-led activities.  An ethos of love and care, not a hands off approach.  Children are cuddled and allowed to go at their own pace. The atmosphere is relaxed.  It's fun and friendly.  The structure does not consume the children.  It's a happy place.  The place which turned my son around and made him flourish and grow and become the confident, independent and wonderful little man he is today.

I will always be grateful to them.  They have given him so much.  Made him realise that he can be happy away from home and away from his family.  That he can make friends with other children.  Join in and play. He is a different child.  A joy. That painfully shy and fearful child is now a brave little boy who will now go up to kids and say hello.  Other children want to play with him. It is beautiful!

After our experience of the local nursery/Infant School, I turned down the place we got  for him to go there. Someone will be delighted to make use of his spot, as it is always oversubscribed.  But it is not the place for us.  Instead he will be attending a tiny rural Primary School in a beautiful little village.  The ethos of the school is similar to Freddy's nursery.  Older kids are encouraged to help and support the little ones in a nurturing and supportive environment.  The child comes first and this school offers an alternative to the busy schools with their intimidating playground footfall.  He is in an intake of just seven children.  I am no longer worried about him.  He is going to be OK.

So my son has grown.  He has turned a corner and become the child I always knew he could be, helped by some amazing people along the way.  But now I find myself without a young child at home for the first time in years.  With the prospect of being 'me' again.  That is hard to contemplate.  The last four years have focused so much on being Freddy's stay at home, full time mum.  Trying to find ways to make him happy and get him on track. Now I have achieved that, I wonder what I will do next.

In the past, I have reached this point in my life and made the decision to have another baby.  But I'm now 44.  I have five children.  I'm also a grandma.  I have to face the fact that their will be no more babies for me.  That part of my life is over.  The thing that has defined me for the last 25 years, from when I was just 19 years old is over.  It's time to make some big decisions.  It's time to think of myself which is scary.  I can't remember how to do that!  I've not had to do 'me' in a long time. This is unknown territory.

This blog has been my outlet for the last three years, but I know I have recently lost touch with the blogging community that I was once immersed in.  I have felt myself become more sidelined from the virtual friendships that I had developed.  I have withdrawn more from the personal side of blogging.  But it can be lonely sat at my laptop writing reviews and filtering through the hundreds of spam comments that I receive day in day out and feeling no connection to the real people out there.  I need to re-engage.  Britmums 2014 anyone??   I have also, yet again, self-sabotaged my weight loss and am now once more overweight and unfit!  I am just so predictable!!   I am guessing that this has all been down to the fact that I am actually pretty scared about where my life is going.  That I am going to start to have to do more for myself because it's just going to be me, myself and I, all day, every week day from September.  It is however an opportunity. I know that.  A chance to re-invent myself and find out who I am.  I'm pretty secure in my role as wife, mother, sister, daughter, auntie, grandma...now I just need to figure out what it means to be Wendy.

Ja-NEW-ary Thinkings

It's the time when thoughts turn to resolutions, plans and hopes for the new year. Whether we are hoping to get slimmer, richer, fitter or more successful, the internet is awash with people's dreams for the 2013.  To be honest, up until now I haven't really involved myself with the concept of change this year.  I've been doing OK so why fix what ain't broken?!  But on closer inspection, my life could do with a bit of a makeover and the setting of achievable targets never hurts in motivating oneself to get off one's arse!

As an avid list maker, I have taken my virtual pen to virtual paper to jot down my '2013 To Do' list.  It includes people to see, places to visit and a few personal goals thrown in for good measure.

• This year will see a huge change for me as my baby boy Freddy will be starting school.  As a summer baby, he will be just 4 years and 2 months old as he joins Reception class. I've applied for a place at our local school.  He has his pre-school jabs next week, which makes it feel very real!  It breaks my heart just to think about it!  However I intend to spend the months up until September preparing my son to be ready for school.  We will do reading and writing and counting and crafts together. His fabulous nursery has made him so much more confident around other kids and will stand him in good stead for the hugest step in his little life to date.  For me, I will have much more free time.  I pledge not to become a couch potato glued to Jeremy Kyle and This Morning.  I will blog, I will volunteer, I will get fit and I will do more domestic goddess style cooking (I'm loving my slow cooker!) I will be productive!

• My blog is now over two years old.  It started with no expectations.  It grew quickly.  For a moment I thought I could make it something special and find a niche that would fit.  Then I was seduced by opportunities and PR contacts.  It evolved into something else.  It took on a life of its own.  In 2013 I want to reclaim my blog and steer it in a direction where I can be really proud of it.  I am not precious.  I am realistic.  I am happy to work with brands.  I enjoy doing blogger competitions.  I will never be dictated to nor will I lose my integrity.  I just want to find a bit more structure and balance.  As long as I enjoy it, Inside the Wendy House will continue. (I even bought my domain name - but am too scared to use it!)

• This year I really want to see the people who I care about that I haven't seen for a while.  Last year flew by and I neglected some of the relationships which matter most to me.  I have some amazing friends out there that I need to catch up with. This personal housekeeping is long overdue!  I also want to try to nurture relationships with other relatives.  I hardly know Ian's side of the family, and I'd love to rectify this in 2013! 

• As I am now a granny, I will make sure that I do as good a job as possible getting to know the adorable little boy who is my grandson.  It is an amazing feeling seeing the new generation of our family emerge and observing as the changing relationships develop.

• Last year I was lucky enough to give my family lots of amazing experiences through blogging and comping.    I hope that 2013 gives us as many brilliant opportunities.  I love watching Freddy's face as he witnesses something new and the girls love family days out.  We have our Merlin Annual Passes too plus we have our Butlins and Centre Parcs holidays booked up.  I want to fill the calendar with as many events as I can to punctuate our year.  I want Freddy to visit Warwick Castle this year.  He loves historical places and is so interested in castles and towers.  He is an old soul at heart!

• I intend to celebrate milestones and special days as memorably as I can.  We are beginning 'Operation Reclaim The Dining Room' and hope to enjoy many sit down meals together now Freddy is more open to the idea of sitting at a table for more than 5 minutes at a time.  In reclaiming our dining room, we will also be re-doing our living room, donating a load of stuff to charity shops and sorting out the chaos that is just beginning to subside now Fred is getting older and is less of a whirling dervish of destruction.

• Following on from celebrating special days, I intend to experiment more in the kitchen.  So for Burn's Night, homemade vegetarian Haggis will be on the menu.  Celebratory pies will be invented (my New Year's Day pie was pretty good!) and baking will ensue (themed gingerbread houses anyone??)  I plan to add a few more dishes to my repertoire.  I will be posting recipes on my blog to share my love of veggie food and grouping them on a 'Food For Thought' tab on my homepage.

• Lastly, I want to take photographs to document everything and preserve special memories.  I won't be doing any official Project 365/52 entries this year, but I will be taking pics everyday.  If I decide to post any I will.  Simple as that!  Oh the freedom :)

Add to the list: drop a dress size, buy some jeans that fit me, revamp my underwear drawer and go on some quality dates with my husband and I'm pretty much set to make 2013 as good as I can.  I hope that this year our highs will outnumber our lows.  I hope that we grow stronger in light of our inevitable challenges.  I intend to take stock of my blessings regularly and hold my loved ones close.

A Shrine To The Boy I Fancied In My English Class

Mellow Mummy is asking us to post about those things in our lives that fill us with pride and give us that "I made this" feeling!

I am not the best at making things.  I can't sew or knit.  I am a rubbish gardener.  I am not someone who excels at crafts.  I'm not arty.  My cooking is competent but not really worthy of bragging about.  My decorating and home making leave a lot to be desired.  The only amazing things I've ever 'made' are my five wonderful children!

So, for my 'I Made This' post I am choosing something that I made that has a bit of a story behind it, which makes me smile whenever I look at it!

When I was 15 and at secondary school I signed up for the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme.  (I only did this to get out of the Friday afternoon Games lessons!)  One of the activities that I did was pottery.  As I previously mentioned, I am not one of those naturally artistic types.  I was not blessed with any natural flair when it comes to being creative.  So when we had to decide what we were going to make, all I could think of was making a shrine to the boy that I fancied in my English class!  It certainly was a more elaborate way of externalising my affections than by writing his initials on my rough book!

So I made a slab pot which had his initials (I.M.D.) cut into the design.  A snake was wrapped around the outside of the structure which added an air of danger and mystery to my creation and paid homage to the rock/punk music scene that I favoured at the time. It was glazed and fired.  My creation became a "shrine to the boy I fancied in my English class".

28 years later, the "shrine to the boy I fancied in my English class" sits on the windowsill of the bedroom that I share with that very same boy that I fancied in my English class.  You see, that boy grew up into the man I married.  Five kids and 15 years of marriage later we are still blissfully happy that my first love turned out to be my Mr.Right!  My clay slab pot is a reminder of our history, our shared past and our time as teenagers at school.

I have kept this pot for years, moving it from house to house.  I even kept it during the years immediately after school when our paths diverged and we lost touch.  It's like I always knew that Ian was the man for me!  It makes me smile when I look at it, knowing that I made it so long ago.  That girl who made this shrine was at the beginning of her journey and her life took lots of twists and turns along the way.  But in the end, she ended up exactly where she was meant to be with the man she always loved!

To know I made this, proves to me that my life is exactly how it was intended to be!

I'm tagging Bloggomy and Emma and 3 , No Discernible Talent and The Crazy Kitchen (because I'm hoping she posts more pictures of the amazing cakes she has made).

Flashback Friday...School Memories

I've spent a lot of time this week thinking about my school years since hearing of the tragic sudden death of an old school friend. I went to Herschel High School, a grammar school in Slough.  It wasn't all bad!  I found the work easy and coasted through the exams.  I wasn't in the popular crowd but I had some very good friends.  My very best school friend Lianne,on the right in this picture, is someone I don't see anywhere near enough.  We stay in touch but aren't very good at it.  She still lives down south whereas I'm now a relative Northerner (north of Watford at least!)  She juggles motherhood of two little ones, with being a high flying professional. I've been a SAHM on and off since I was 19!  Our paths diverged but she will always be my best friend.  We went through a lot together (well, I put her through a lot to be honest...she was a saint!)  I spent more time at her house than I did at my own.  I dedicate this post to my very best friend and vow to try to do better.  She has just had a baby boy that I've never seen.  She has yet to meet Freddy who was born in 2009.  Real life gets in the way.  But knowing how fragile life can be, being busy or the distance between us shouldn't be a stumbling block to friendship. 

This picture was taken on the last day of term in the 5th form in 1985.  I'm the one with her legs on the table...not sure why??  Cute boots though!  I clearly favoured the rebellious skinny tied look!  I have some great memories of us lot together at school.  We had a laugh with the boys and have some good memories!

Good-Bye my Friend xxx

Yesterday I heard some really sad news.  A school friend of mine had died.  He was 41 years old, a dad to two children, a Scout leader and a really nice bloke.  He died suddenly, in an as yet unexplained way.  This was such a shock to me.

We went to school together throughout the primary and secondary years.  We were good friends. He took me to my first concert that I went to (without my big sister looking after me).  We spent the day in London before going to Hammersmith Odeon to watch Marillion's Fugazi Tour.  We hung out together as teenagers going to the pub, to parties or just hanging out at friends' houses.  (Goodness knows where their parents were when we took over their living rooms.  It never occurred to me then, but now I'm puzzled?!)  Pete was always really protective of me.  We were close.

We lost touch post A'Levels as I became a mother and moved away from our hometown of Slough.  Years later, via the wonders of Friends Reunited, we got back into contact and exchanged lengthy emails filling each other in on the missing ten years, marriage, kids, jobs.  Then as Facebook became the communication media of choice, we commented on each others' photos and statuses.  His profile pic was a familiar icon in my Newsfeed.

His Facebook wall says that "Pete is attending 2013".  He joined that group showing his optimistic belief that the world won't end in 2012 whatever the Aztecs believed!  That made me cry.  He had posted on the Scout's Facebook wall to remind the boys to bring waterproofs because the weather this weekend was set to be atrocious.  He had just found out which celebrities shared his birthday.

Now suddenly he's gone.

Hearing news like this is so sobering.  It puts everything into perspective in your life.  It makes you appreciate everything you have, everyone you love.  It makes you hug your loved ones a little tighter.  It makes you promise yourself that you will overhaul your diet, your lifestyle and your fitness levels.  It reminds you just how precious life is.

So Rest in Peace my friend.  I'll listen to some Marillion in your honour and smile at our shared memories. And I'll yet again remind myself of the fragility of life so I live each day to its fullest potential and try to be the best person I can be.

Being a Mother....

What Being A Mother Means To Me!

Being a mother means being there for your children.  We are there to provide the basics:  sustenance, protection, warmth and comfort.  These are the essential duties that we sign up to from the moment of conception until our child no longer needs us. During pregnancy nature takes care of these needs.  All we really need to do is look after ourself and avoid soft cheese, peanuts, alcohol, caffeine, contact sports and bungee jumping.  It's the easy bit for those of us lucky enough to have relatively uncomplicated pregnancies.

When our baby is born into the world, no longer safe in the protective blanket of our womb, our responsibilities grow.  This tiny, mewling human is totally reliant on us to continue providing these same essential basics.  Milk from my breast, an Isofix carseat for protection, a Gro-bag for warmth and gentle cuddles and cooing for comfort.

The nourishment and nurturing we provide sees our newborns grow and develop into inquisitive toddlers. They demand a whole new way of being looked after.  Their developing tastebuds seek the excitement of new tastes and textures.  Gone are the days of bland baby rice and pureed mush.  Toddlers want the tantalising joys of Munch Bunch yogurts, Organix spicy tomato wheels and Fruitshoot My-5 juice.  We have to baby-proof our homes with socket covers lest they decide to insert something long and pointy into the holes that bear more than a passing resemblance to a mini shape sorter!  We keep them warm and cosy in their In The Night Garden onesies with non-slip soles.  We rub knees and kiss heads to provide comfort when their newly acquired walking skills let them down! 

Before we know it our child is starting school.  The virtual umbilical cord, that held our little ones close over these early years ,begins to stretch and fade as they assert themselves as unique, independent individuals in the big wide world.  We provide a packed lunch with cheesestrings, Innocent Fruit Smoothies and the occasional post-it note saying "I love you".  We fit our cars with the latest booster seat and trust that the crumple zones really do work in case of the worst.  We buy the cosiest coat from Next and insist they put their hoods up.  We listen as they tell us that so-and-so said they are not their best friend anymore and we wipe away the tears and tell them that it will all be OK tomorrow.  (And if it isn't we will march straight up to the school  and demand that the little bully be dealt with!) 

The teen years can be fraught, but personally I have enjoyed this time in my children's lives.  They face new challenges on their journey to adulthood, and sometimes they can resent our parental contributions.  Handled well though, this is the stage in their life where we can see the adult that they will become and feel great pride that we are a part of this transformation.  We try our best to provide at least three square meals a day but keep breakfast biscuits in the cupboard and ready meals in the freezer just in case. We become a taxi service on call 24/7 because, although we might miss the series finale of Desperate Housewives, as least we know they will get home safely.  (That's what Sky+ is for after all!)  We buy them hoodies with the names of their favourite groups or causes emblazoned on the front.  Yeah they look cool...but that fleecy lining and hood means they won't catch a chill!!  We are always there if they need us...because they will need us.  Maybe not all the time.  Sometimes we'll be an utter embarrassment to our teens but when things go pear shaped, nothing will ease the pain like a plate of mum's home baked muffins, a listening ear and a hug. 

Then they leave home!  Nothing really changes...the needs are the same.  Bags of baked beans, lentils, pasta, cup-a-soups and Angel Delight get delivered to their student digs or starter home with every regular visit.  We pay for new tyres on their cars (we may complain but heaven forbid they have a blow out on the M1) and regularly deliver the "don't walk the streets on your own" advice.  We slip  them the odd few quid because we know how expensive bills are and we dread to think of our child shivering unable to heat their room in Winter.  Whenever we go clothes shopping on the internet we can't help but check out the clothing in their sizes...and more often than not, a medium sized River Island coat or a pair of stout leather boots, that we know would withstand the rainy season in Manchester...will find their way into our basket! When things go wrong, we get the phone call.  Illness, a prang in the car, relationship troubles, an allergic reaction to antibiotics, money worries, a drunken stumble resulting in concussion, an argument with a so-called friend, a misbehaving computer or most recently a broken arm....we are the first port of call for advice and sympathy. 

Because, although they are now grown-ups, we still provide that comfort that only a mother can give!