Dark clouds, sunshine and birthday wishes

The past few months have been a rollercoaster of emotions with some of the most heart crushing lows I have ever experienced. I have felt tested to my limits, but know that going through these tough times is only making us stronger and closer as a family. When life is this hard, it opens your eyes to the people who really care about you. The people who have rallied round providing emotional and physical support have been amazing. The people who have shown a genuine concern in our situation have made me appreciate the kindness of fellow humans. The love that has been extended has made a world of difference to us as a family and I shall be forever thankful. The past few months have changed me as a person and as a mother.

Through all our recent trials, one thing has been a constant. The love of my children and my absolutely unconditional, neverending love for them. My children really are everything to me. Being their mother defines me. Their pain is my pain. When they hurt, I hurt. I know this for a fact. They bring so much love, pride and joy into my life. They give me strength and give me reason. Five rocks in the sea of my life, anchoring me when I fear being swept away.

But life carries on even when you feel that reality is crashing down around you. There are still special days that beg and deserve to be celebrated. We have so much to look forward to. Wonderful times lie just ahead on the horizon like beacons of hope. I know we are getting closer, just a little bit farther to go and we'll be there. Smiling. Happy. We just need to stay strong.

This weekend we will be celebrating my daughter Ella's and my birthdays. Ella is turning twenty but she is still my baby girl. It's unbelievable to think that my tiny, beautiful little girl is getting so grown up. She is an incredible young woman. She is thriving at university and is using her natural empathy and desire to make a difference to help people, through volunteering and mentoring. I am so proud of her achievements and the direction her life is going in. She is so kind, loving and thoughtful. She gives me so many reasons to feel proud.

So today, I say Happy Birthday to my gorgeous girl. You are a shining light. You give me so many reasons to smile and I adore you for it. You've also wept with me, and I adore you for that too. You care so much about your family and give so much love and joy to us all, even in our darkest hours. I love you to the moon and back.

For my birthday this year, I am wishing that we get through these crazy times to a place where we can look back and laugh. I know that as a family, we can get through anything. We've got each others' backs and we will power through together. Because together we are stronger.

Things will get better and I know we will get closure on this dark chapter in our lives. But I shall be taking all the lessons learned with me, making me a better person, mum, wife, nana and daughter. I won't forget the way I have felt. I won't forget the people who have cared. I won't ever take my family for granted. I promise that I will appreciate every single day that I am blessed with these wonderful people who I love so much.

Even when bad times cast a shadow over us, I know we will be stepping out into the sunlight again soon.

Happy Father's Day to my Children's Daddy

Once upon a time I was a single parent with a 3 year old son and a new baby girl. Although being a 22 year old with two kids wasn't easy, being a mum defined me, giving me something to live for and to strive for. I didn't need any one else aside from my son and my daughter. With two terrible failed relationships behind me, the part of me that could love or trust again was more than a little broken. I focused all my effort and energy into doing the best for my children. Building a life for us and protecting them from the hurt I had endured.

I could never have known that I would be sharing my life with someone again so soon. That within a year someone would take my wounded heart and fix it. Someone who would teach me how to live and how to love.

You came along. My best friend for so many years. Offering me the unconditional support and friendship that had been missing from my previous relationships. Opening my eyes to how it felt to be respected, cherished and  loved. It was inevitable that our friendship would become something more and I knew that you were an honest, decent, trustworthy man with a good heart - a man that I could let into my children's lives.

So you became the father figure that they had never had. A man that they could love and trust, who would never let them down. Who would put their needs first. Who would love their mum and never hurt her.

Over the next few years we saw the arrival of a daughter. We got married and welcomed another little girl and a son into our family. We built a home and saw our love grow deeper and deeper, as we shared our lives together.

Today is Father's Day.

On this day I need to let you know just how amazing a man you are. What you have given me can never be quantified. Because you have given me myself. You made me whole and gave me the chance to be the best person I could ever be, But more than that, you gave my children the very best dad that they could ever wish for. Literally.

I have never known a dad like you. Nothing is too much trouble for you when it comes to your family. The things you have done for all five of our children goes so far beyond the call of duty. You are selfless. You are kind, fair, respectful and supportive. You love unconditionally, with all of your heart. You have fun with them, enjoying their company and time spent together. You give them the tools to be better people and let them see how a real man behaves. They are so lucky to have you.

If I could have known what life my two eldest children would enjoy thanks to me being with you, that scared 22 year old girl that I was, would have never wasted a tear , felt any regret or sorrow or feared for our futures. Everything bad that I had endured up to that point in my life was worth my suffering. Because my journey led me to you. Has led me to where we are now, with five miraculous children and a wonderful life together.

Thank you for allowing me to give my children a dad like you. It has been the very best gift I could ever have given to them. The best gift for a mother to give to her children. A role model, a hero, a shoulder to cry on and someone to trust. A strong pair of arms to hold them and the knowledge that they will always have someone who puts their needs above their own.

I only have to look at my incredible, successful, confident and loving older kids to know that your parenting has influenced their lives in such a positive way. You gave them a love that transcended biology, allowing them to rewrite the futures they may have otherwise had. Our three younger children are just as wonderful, knowing nothing but the unconditional love of two parents who are very much in love with each other. The five of them are as close as siblings can be and fill us with such pride and joy everyday.

We did this together Ian, but I am forever grateful to you. You gave me the chance to live this life and to give our children all the things that they need to be the best versions of themselves that they can be. That is a true blessing.

My Marriage - Seventeen Years On!

Seventeen years ago today I married my best friend and embarked on the great adventure that is marriage. There has not been a single day that has passed where my husband hasn't told me that he loves me.  I am a lucky to have a man who makes me feel so valued and loved; who accepts me for everything I am and has never tried to change me (and who does more than his fair share of housework!).  I've known Ian since my early teens and his existence is so entrenched into my own life, I cannot remember what it was like without him by my side.  We share so many memories of being at school, growing up in sunny Slough and having mutual friends.  He's knows everything about me, and still loves me. No secrets, no lies.

 Together we have celebrated our family.  We have watched our eldest three grow into wonderful adults and have welcomed two more children into the fold.  Our five kids are our greatest blessing and our biggest achievement.  They make us so proud every single day.  Joe has got his own life in Northampton with a successful career and a little boy who he adores. He is an amazing dad.  Megan is doing fantastically well as she pursues a career in film production and has already worked with John Hurt on a feature film!  Her ambition, dedication and drive is inspirational. Ella is about to sit her A'Levels and will be off to university this September to study criminology. She is so talented and so very lovely.  Kizzy is our beautiful, fashion loving girl who is due to start secondary school after the summer.  Her sense of humour and fun keeps us all smiling. Freddy is such a breath of fresh air in our family, a whirling dervish of mischief with a heart of gold (when it suits him!).  I look at them and know that if I were to achieve nothing more in my lifetime, I would still feel accomplished. I am so grateful to have had Ian with us, every step of the way.

I love my marriage.  I love feeling a part of something that is greater than the sum of its parts.  I feel safe.  I feel whole. Being a wife and a mother is an honour.  It's been my salvation.  I look forward to the future as we face all the challenges to come together as a team.

I can't believe that we've been together for twenty years and married for seventeen years. I guess we're probably classed as a middle aged couple now!  But as long as we can still laugh and have fun and enjoy the blessings of our family life, then the next decades will be every bit as wonderful (in spite of our advancing years!) 

Happy Anniversary Ian. My husband. I love you. xxx

Sixteen Things I Love About You

On May the 16th 1997, I married Ian.  The boy I had known throughout secondary school, who I had briefly dated and had never lost touch with.  The boy who was my best friend, seeing me through the ups and downs of my life.  The boy with whom I successfully gambled a dear friendship on, as we took our relationship to the next level. The boy who became a man.  My man.  The man I married.

Sixteen years of marriage later, I am sharing my life and my family with Ian.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  We have grown together and are now in such a wonderful place that brings comfort, stability and joy into all of our lives.  For that I am forever thankful.

So, as a tribute to the man that I married, here are "Sixteen Things I Love About You!"

1:  You are without doubt the most patient person I have ever met. Hearing you talk my 79 year old mum through the latest update on her computer is simply incredible.  You, sir, are an actual saint!

2:  You have smoothed away all my sharp edges and made me a better person.

3:  You are an amazing dad.  You are so hands-on with the little ones and an inspiration to the older ones.  You're the dad that the other kids think is cool.

4:  You can still give me butterflies when I look at you.

5:  You aren't afraid of turning your hand to anything. You really are an inspiration to me. You fear nothing!

6:  You support everything I do.  Even if I screw up, you're still there encouraging me. (I know that you don't really like chargrilled vegetable stew, but you make me believe that my burnt dinner offerings are not a total fail!)

7:  You look like the love child of Kevin Bacon and Mark Wahlberg.

8:  I love you playing the guitar. You even wrote a song for me. Our house is filled with music that transcends the generations and has us all singing along.  I love that. You are my rock star.

9:  We share a love of horror films and we indulge that love on our big ass 3D TV.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D Blu-ray is on pre-order!

10:  You are non-judgmental.  You never hold anything I have ever done against me. (You even humour my cougar crushes on Harry Styles and Zac Efron.)

11:  You are not afraid to cry. (Especially when watching Little House on the Prairie.)

12:  You would rather be with me and the kids than anywhere else in the world.  We don't have to compete for your attention with the pub, football, boys' nights out, the gym or online gaming.  When we do things, we do them together.  The rest of the world doesn't figure in the equation. (But you still let me do all the things I want to do and facilitate me being able to do them!!)

13:  You believe in sharing all the housework, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. plus you do the 'man's work' like DIY, putting out the bins and mowing the lawn.  I know how lucky I am!!

14:  You know me.  Better than I know myself. I see myself differently now, thanks to you.  Your patience and understanding has helped us weather many a storm.  You have literally saved me from myself time and time again.  You ground me, but you still let me fly.

15:  You are an incredible judge of character and you can instinctively read people and understand them.  It's a gift and I trust your judgment completely. (I do however wish sometimes that your gift was predicting lottery numbers.  We'd make fabulous rich people.)

16:  You make me feel safe.  You make me look forward to the future.  You make me whole.

I love you xxx

Can You Can Save £££'s on Valentine's Day

In times of financial hardship, things like Valentine's Day can cause us unnecessary pressure as we want to spoil our loved ones, but can't afford to splash out a lot of cash.  If you have a spending budget for Valentine's Day in mind, you can make that money go further by opting for a home cooked special meal instead of dining out.  Enjoying a candlelit dinner for two at home can save a fortune in babysitting fees and taxis too.  An added bonus is you can both enjoy a tipple and get snuggly together in the privacy of your own home.

There are lots of ways that you can add to the occasion.  Poundland have a great range of novelty items for just £1 each so you can add some fun presents and decorations to the proceedings for just a few quid!

The quality, plastic gift bag is a perfect place to pop all your gifts to surprise your Valentine.  Poundland also stock cute teddy bears, Valentine's Day cards, toiletries, confectionery, candles and other heart emblazoned goodies to make the perfect romantic gesture for just £1.

To create the perfect ambience, they sell pink heart fairy lights, heart balloons, red napkins, love crackers and confetti.  The red, heart champagne flutes are a fun way of toasting your love to each other.  It's a lot of fun to enter into the spirit of the day, and you don't need to spend a lot at all.

My favourite thing is the Cupcake Set consisting of heart print cake cases and cake toppers in heart, lips, rose and love designs.  They will make cupcakes look perfect for the occasion.  Making a batch of Red Velvet cupcakes or Chocolate and Bailey's cupcakes using this set will make a wonderful, inexpensive, home made gift for a loved one.  I'll definitely be making some Valentine's Day cupcakes this year!

Valentine's Day doesn't need to cost much at all!  Even if you do plan on buying an expensive gift for your other half,  Poundland's bargains allow you to keep the theme of the day going which is something I really enjoy.  I love an excuse to include the children and let them celebrate the day too.  It's amazing how a few balloons, some heart-shaped choccies and some novelty tableware can make the day special for everyone.  And when those things only cost £1 each it is a very affordable way to spoil your loved ones!

www.poundland.co.uk

Disclosure: Poundland sent me and their other ambassadors some Valentine's Day goodies to enjoy.

The Cost of Love

Albelli have been learning all about our romantic habits with their Valentine's Survey!  We may like to think we are a nation of romantics but some of the facts dispute this claim.  For example did you know 40% of people don't give their partners a present at all!  For those that do, the average spend is £22, with three times as many men than women spending over £40!

Women prefer sentimental gifts such as a personalised photo book.  Featuring photos of favourite places, snaps of you both when you were younger and pictures taken throughout your relationship, a photo book is the ultimate romantic gesture.

Albelli have come up with some present inspiration for Valentine's Day gift ideas to help you come up with the perfect present for your loved one.  From canvases to acrylics, calendars to photo books, there is something for everyone, allowing you to create thoughtful and unique gifts.

Check out the fun and interesting facts on this graphic about "The Cost of Love" and see what categories you fall into!

Created by:

Albelli photo books

I have been sent a code to make my own photo book from Albelli and I'll be making one for Ian's Valentine's Day present.  Who says romance is not alive and well!!

Valentine's Day Inside the Wendy House

My wonderful husband started my Valentine's Day in a manner befitting our marriage with his hand made Zombie card....the inscription was "Even if I was a Zombie I'd still give you my heart!"  True romance or what!!!

A trip into town after the school run was a lovely start to the day.  I had a balanced breakfast...chocolate muffin and a chocolate stick with my mocha....perfectly balanced.  Well it is Valentine's Day after all!

Freddy got in on the act too!

Even on a day off, conference calls rear their ugly head.  Is is wrong that I found my 'obviously-so- incredibly-important-that-work-can't-leave-him-alone' husband's Blackberrying a little bit sexy today?

I bought Ian a little pressie from Asda! Twit-twoo and half price too!!

I really do adore my man...I feel very blessed to still feel this way after 18 years together as a couple.  There's been ups and downs but they've all been part of our journey to here and now...and this is a really good place to be!!

Childhood Sweethearts!

My Son's Romantic Love Story!

I've had a lovely weekend.  Freddy has perked right back up and is his normal full of beans self!  I love how resilient children are.  One day you are worried sick by their lethargy and lack of spark...next day you are chasing them around to keep them out of mischief!  Wonderful :)

As Freddy was so much better we decided to keep to a previously made plan and visit our eldest in Northampton. He has recently moved into a lovely little semi-detached starter home with his much adored girlfriend Jade. I love visiting them and the three youngest adore their big brother, so I was so glad that we didn't have to cancel.

Jade cooked for us for the first time...we usually go out to a restaurant but they wanted to treat us.  She made an exceptionally yummy vegetarian shepherd's pie.  She'd also made cakes, but they'd eaten them the night before (typical of my son!)  so a visit to Costa Coffee with muffins and brownies followed.

I am so proud that my son is so demonstrative and loving to Jade.  When she came down from getting changed to go out he told her that she looked gorgeous.  He kept stealing little kisses and told her that he loved her.  It comes so naturally in their relationship that you can just see how happy they are together.  It makes me so proud that my first born has reached this point in his life where he has a job he loves, a girl he loves and a future to look forward to.

What makes Joe and Jade's romance even more special is the fact they I was best friends with Jade's mum years ago when they were little.  Her family moved away and a few years later we moved too and we simply lost touch.  Then ten years down the line, Jade found Joe on the internet and they started chatting online.  This lead to phonecalls which resulted in a visit.  From that moment on they've been inseparable.  He made the decision to move to her hometown for them to be together.  He found himself a job there before leaving home, at the peak of the recession, such was his determination to be with the girl he loved!  Then in May 2009 he left to start his new life.  I couldn't be more proud of them...it's not been easy.  Living together is a big step.  Going from the comforts of home to being responsible for washing your own underwear is a huge step. It's only then that they realise that the fully stocked fridge at home isn't kept topped up by the snack fairies!  But they are doing brilliantly well!

1996

2010

Knowing how my son found his true love makes me look hard at who my 8 year old's friends are now.  Who knows...in ten years time one of them might just be the future husband of my little girl!!

The Gallery...Love

When I thought about this week's theme I considered all different aspects of love.  The love I have for my husband, the love for my beautiful children.... my love of cake maybe!!  But then I thought about the love that made me most proud!  That is the love between my children.  I love how all five of my children get on so well.  I've never had to sort out a situation between warring siblings  They may have the odd squabble but it's never escalated into anything greater than that.  They are so supportive and openly affectionate with each other.  They make me proud!