A Meal For Two (Instead of Five)

Last night we actually did it...we had a child-free night out for two.  It would never have happened was it not for Tots 100 and Head and Shoulders cajoling me into it, so I am extremely grateful to them both for giving my backside the gentle kick that I needed.  

I had forgotten what it feels like to get ready for a date.  The preparation beforehand is as much a part of the experience as the date itself.  It felt so decadent to be showering, applying make-up and getting changed into new clean clothes in the middle of the day.  Goodness me, I'm usually a shower then straight into PJs kind of girl!  Picking an outfit was my greatest challenge.  I have a wardrobe filled with clothes, 80% of which I don't wear because the insecure part of me insists that they won't fit, they'll make me look fat, they'll make me look like mutton or they'll draw attention to me in a really bad way. (Or they are something I've hung to since the eighties just in case they come back into fashion.)  I really need to work on my body-confidence a bit more and not default to my usual black skinny jeans and vest top combo.  However, Ian was suitably complimentary about my attire and I was impressed that he had ditched his oversized, novelty Dangermouse t-shirt in favour of a slim fitting plain white tee.  The man scrubs up well!

The restaurant we went to had a reservation for two.  There was a vase with a red rose in it on the table.  A far cry from my usual table for six in McDonald's.  We had a bottle of red and perused the menu in a relaxed fashion - not once did I have to resort to bribery to garner control of unruly family members or ask for colouring sheets and crayons to entertain anyone, as is my usual dining experience with the kids in tow.  Ian was impeccably behaved so I was able to drop my motherly duties and slip into wife mode.

We had a fabulous (and rather huge) three course meal followed by coffee and mints ... and I didn't even have to give my After Eights to the kids or anything!  I could get quite used to this occasionally eating-out-without-the-little-ones malarkey.  More wine followed as the taxi home meant we didn't need a designated driver for once.

The chatter flowed freely as we discussed topics ranging from Christmas to films to 'who had done what to whom'.  We laughed, we listened, we flirted and we may have even done a tiny bit of gossiping.  Ian really is my best friend.  He was my friend for years before we became a proper couple and it was nice to fall back into the comfortable banter we used to enjoy.  We did talk about the kids - but as they are our biggest source of pride and joy in the world, we enjoy reveling in tales of what they have done or are going to do.  It does not distract from our enjoyment, it adds to it.  So kid talk will never be out of bounds...even on date night!

Our date night reminded me how nice it is to dress up for my husband.  It gave us a focus to really think about 'us' as a couple rather than our usual default role of mum and dad.  Even though we love being parents, I am acutely aware that  one day the kids will be all grown up and won't need as much of our attention.  When that day comes I don't want to go into deep depression and feel that I have lost everything that has defined me for the most part of my adult life.  I may be a mother, but I am also a wife and one half of the partnership that is 'Wendy and Ian'.  And this side of me deserves some attention too.  

But most of all, date night was really good fun!!  I bloody love that husband of mine  ;)

Thank you to Tots 100 and Head and Shoulders for providing everything I needed for date night!

Tonight's the Night! Preparing for My Date

The time has come for me to put on my glad rags and step outside of my comfort zone - namely my sofa, PJs, slanket, TV and a glass of red - to embark on a romance rekindling date with my husband tonight.  We enjoy getting takeaways, but very rarely eat out together.  Candlelit dinners for two play second fiddle to dinner in front of the TV for five.

That was until Tots 100 and Head and Shoulders very kindly offered me the chance to go on a date with my husband!  I've received a lovely pamper hamper full of girly goodies and I've had a transatlantic phone call with a love guru to give me some advice on how to keep the fires burning! The budget has been taken care of, now all that is left to do is the date night itself!

So tonight, Ian and I are going to be terribly grown-up and enjoy a intimate date consisting of romantic dinner followed by drinks. Babysitters and a taxi are extravagances that have been taken care of, making it easier to slip into our dating personas without worrying about kids or driving.  Conversation is being strictly monitored so it doesn't slip into our go-to chats about work or wondering about what the kids are doing while we're away.

Instead of my usual jeans and boots, there will be high heels and pretty clothes.  And make-up!!  With Head and Shoulders apple scented hair being flicked seductively, I will set out to woo my man all over again!

With Matthew Hussey's relationship advice under my belt, I'll be ready with an unexpected compliment and a kiss filled with promise.  Ian won't know what hit him!

So, wish me luck!  I'll let you know how we get on.

There will be absolutely NO Tweeting or Facebook status updates during the date...but we might take the odd selfie!  That's allowed right??

This was us many years ago enjoying a smoochy moment...I am ready to harness my inner 20-something-year-old and get my smooch on again.  Twenty years and five kids together doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy the odd sneaky date night, some mildly inappropriate PDAs and a self-indulgent few hours of quality us-time now and again!

For some top dating tips take a look at this Good Read from Tots 100.

How to Keep the Spark in your Relationship

However much I love my husband, there are times when I know I neglect us as a couple.  With all the pressures of family life, it's easy to let your relationship take a back seat.  It's easy to concentrate on the kids and give them 100% of your focus.  But one day they will leave home and you will find that it is just the two of you.  You owe it to future-you to pay some attention to your marriage, creating a strong foundation for the future and setting a good example to your children so they can go on to have good relationships in their lives.

I was lucky enough to have a transatlantic phone consultation with relationship expert and love guru Matthew Hussey as part of the date night campaign with Head and Shoulders. He told me some great tips on how to keep our relationship fresh and offered some helpful suggestions on how to make magic moments that will reconnect us and provide a framework upon which to grow together.  Making new rituals will help condition us into making our relationship better and build a relationship that will withstand the test of time.

1- Take time on your personal grooming so you look good and feel good.  Pamper yourself before a special date and enjoy making yourself look beautiful. (And if your other half complains you are taking too long getting ready, just remind them that you enjoy making yourself look beautiful for him!)

2- Give your partner a compliment.  Think of something new to compliment them on and mean it.  Think about the little things that you love about them and let them know.  Make them feel loved and cherished and never taken for granted.

3- Recognise the different types of affection that you share with your partner and aim to add some extra ways to touch them that will keep them guessing.  Ian and I are really quite demonstrative and if I ever reach out to gently stroke his back or squeeze his arm, whilst we're doing the weekly grocery shopping or some other mundane task, it always makes him smile and silently reminds him that he is loved.  It's an unexpected  chance to connect in everyday moments.

4- Live in the present and dream of the future!  Look forward to something together.  Plan a trip, discuss your retirement or plan a date night!  Think of something that excites you that you can talk about and take mutual pleasure in.  Don't dwell on the comfortable familiarity of yesterday.  Look towards tomorrow and focus on the good things you are yet to enjoy.

5- Connect to each other through a shared activity.  Maybe take a course, learn a language, research something that interests you.  Having something new and different to talk about (other than work, money or the kids) that will inspire interesting and new channels of conversation.  Doing so helps you to grow yourself and open up the world to you both.

6- Rekindle early habits and set new routines into motion.  Don't focus on a one off grand gesture, instead work on a new set of practices that you can adopt into everyday life that will bring you together as a couple, help nurture your relationship and make your time together filled with special moments.

It's not rocket science, but it never hurts to remind yourself of the importance of devoting time to your marriage. We've been married for 16 years now and our third child is due to leave home next year, leaving us with just two chicks in our nest.  We are edging closer to the day when it is just the two of us and when that day comes I want it to be an opportunity to really explore and enjoy our time as a couple.  Working on our relationship now and holding onto the reasons that made us fall in love in the first place (some 30 years ago when we started dating for the first time) reminds me just how lucky we are to have each other.  We are soul mates, best friends and true loves.  Our time together is precious.  We need to remember this fact and not allow ourselves to slip into boring ruts that threaten to take the sparkle off of what we have.  Occasional date nights will definitely help put the romance back, allowing us to enjoy each other away from the responsibility of home life...if only for a few hours.

You can find Michael's website at howtogettheguy.com where he shares some of the secrets of attraction and where you can sign up to attend one of his highly successful and popular seminars.

The Date Night campaign that I am part of is being sponsored by Head and Shoulders who sent me the lovely pampering products!

Do You Do Date Nights?

Ian and I have been married for over sixteen years and together as a couple for over twenty years.  Before getting together officially at 23, we were very close friends and had been boyfriend and girlfriend for a year when we were about fifteen.  So we have had a long relationship, spanning three decades!  We are clearly absolutely and undoubtedly meant to be together.

When we got together at 23, I had two children which meant that we weren't able to 'date' with any wild abandon, spontaneity or freedom, so we quickly fell into enjoying time together at home and as a family. We skipped the bit where you go out wining, dining, clubbing or socialising.  It just didn't happen.  And as we went on to have three more children, we simply have never had the freedom or motivation to revisit the whole date night thing.  If we ever had the opportunity to go out, I always feel guilty about leaving the older kids babysitting and rush back home feeling stressed.  I think I've become a date-ophobe!!

Now Freddy is at school I don't think I can use him as an excuse to not go out once in a while.  He isn't a baby anymore.  I need to look at myself and at my relationship and give me and Ian the chance to rediscover each other.  I want to dress up to impress him and present myself as a woman who wants to spend some quality time together with her man away from the routine and comfort of home and family.  We need to start dating and get into the habit of doing things for ourselves as a couple.  Enjoying each others' company as grown ups and not just spending the evening discussing the kids and wondering if they are coping without us (which of course they will be, because they are great kids who are very competent...so why do I worry so much?)

Our third child is due to fly the coop next year, embarking on a life as a university student.  In a blink of an eye, the two youngest will be making lives of their own, going out, socialising and not needing to be 'mummied' 24/7 anymore.  There will come a point when it is just me and Ian...for the first time ever in our relationship.  We need to start building the foundations for this time in our lives, or there is a distinct danger of me being one of those mums who suffers from empty nest syndrome so badly that she ends up stalking her children and camping out on their doorsteps just to feel fulfilled again.  I need to redefine myself as a woman and not just as a mother, although being a mother to my five wonderful children is the role that I am most proud of and will always be a role that I cherish.

I was recently approached by Head and Shoulders offering me an opportunity to talk to a life coach, receive some pampering products and go on a date.  I jumped at the chance!  It sounds like exactly the sort of thing I need to break my non-dating cycle.  I commit myself 100% to blog challenges and this would provide the impetus needed to get pampered, glammed up, cast off my mummy guilt and enjoy a date with the man I love.  It could be the start of something good!

So, watch this space, because a new confident woman ready to hit the town with her husband, is about to emerge.  I'm sure that taking part in this challenge will give my confidence as well as my relationship a great boost and set us off on a new and exciting phase of our life!