Keeping the Spark Alive in our Marriage

This month, I celebrated nineteen years of marriage with my high school sweetheart, best friend and soul mate Ian. I consider myself so blessed to be with a man that I still love so much, that I am deeply attracted to and who has always been one of my very best mates.

With five children, family is a fundamental part of who we are and we are very proud parents who share the same values and ideals when it comes to our kids. However making time for ourselves has also been an important part of our relationship over the years, and we've never neglected that side of our marriage.

For us, togetherness doesn't have to come in any elaborate way. It's often the little things that bring us closer together. Such as holding hands when we walk around the supermarket, complimenting each other and meaning it, playing our old vinyl collection and slow dancing in the living room or snuggling up on the sofa to watch our favourite TV shows.

Conversation is important, so we always take time to talk to each other about what we are up to or what we plan to do. Being open, honest and truthful with each other has always been important to us. We've always ascertained that having no secrets and never judging each other is one of the cornerstones of our relationship. And laughter is paramount. Humour is one of life's best tools against the seriousness of being an adult with responsibilities. Finding the funny in everyday situations and laughing at ourselves (and each other) keeps things light.

In a lot of ways, I'm quite old fashioned when it comes to relationships. I am the stay at home mum and housewife, Ian is the breadwinner. I love cooking him his favourite meals and I enjoy keeping the house looking nice. He is always appreciative of the things I do and he will also pitch in with the childcare and housework when I need a hand, so there is never any resentment or feelings of being taken for granted. We see ourselves as a team and we work together for the good of our relationship and for our family.

Although finding the time to go out in the evening is difficult, we do enjoy daytime dating! Ian has occasional days off work and we always find the time to go out for a lovely lunchtime meal or catch a daytime showing of the latest must see film at the cinema. Knowing the little ones are safe at school in their normal routine means I can totally relax. Spending some quality time together really helps us connect and allows us to just be ourselves. It's lovely rekindling that feeling of dating, it makes us feel young again, bringing back memories of the early days of our relationship.

According to a survey by Vagisil ProHydrate, 70% of women say intimacy makes them feel closer to their partner, making them feel more connected, confident and loved. It's a way of expressing your love to your partner and to feel loved in return. The top three things associated with intimacy among women in a committed relationship according to the survey are; closeness (69%), togetherness (65%) and love (61%). It's never too late to reconnect with a partner and recapture those feelings of intimacy. Remembering the reasons that you fell in love with each other and re-exploring what those things were, reminds us why we chose one another all those years ago. The stresses of life sometimes get in the way of who we are or what we want to be, so simply enjoying being a couple again can really help to rekindle that spark and allows us to reconnect both physically and emotionally.

            

My husband is my rock and we've seen each other through everything that life has thrown at us over the years. Sometimes, maintaining the effort needed to keep the spark alive can be difficult, but even through the toughest of times, we always dig deep and remember that our relationship and our love is what is at the heart of our family. And when all the children are grown-up and have flown the nest, Ian and I, and our love for each other, will continue going strong.


This post has been written in conjunction with Vagisil’s new ProHydrate range, which relieves intimate dryness so that you can feel comfortable, confident and enjoy intimacy when you want to.

The Vagisil ProHydrate range is available at Boots and Superdrug. For more information, visit the Vagisil website.

A Meal For Two (Instead of Five)

Last night we actually did it...we had a child-free night out for two.  It would never have happened was it not for Tots 100 and Head and Shoulders cajoling me into it, so I am extremely grateful to them both for giving my backside the gentle kick that I needed.  

I had forgotten what it feels like to get ready for a date.  The preparation beforehand is as much a part of the experience as the date itself.  It felt so decadent to be showering, applying make-up and getting changed into new clean clothes in the middle of the day.  Goodness me, I'm usually a shower then straight into PJs kind of girl!  Picking an outfit was my greatest challenge.  I have a wardrobe filled with clothes, 80% of which I don't wear because the insecure part of me insists that they won't fit, they'll make me look fat, they'll make me look like mutton or they'll draw attention to me in a really bad way. (Or they are something I've hung to since the eighties just in case they come back into fashion.)  I really need to work on my body-confidence a bit more and not default to my usual black skinny jeans and vest top combo.  However, Ian was suitably complimentary about my attire and I was impressed that he had ditched his oversized, novelty Dangermouse t-shirt in favour of a slim fitting plain white tee.  The man scrubs up well!

The restaurant we went to had a reservation for two.  There was a vase with a red rose in it on the table.  A far cry from my usual table for six in McDonald's.  We had a bottle of red and perused the menu in a relaxed fashion - not once did I have to resort to bribery to garner control of unruly family members or ask for colouring sheets and crayons to entertain anyone, as is my usual dining experience with the kids in tow.  Ian was impeccably behaved so I was able to drop my motherly duties and slip into wife mode.

We had a fabulous (and rather huge) three course meal followed by coffee and mints ... and I didn't even have to give my After Eights to the kids or anything!  I could get quite used to this occasionally eating-out-without-the-little-ones malarkey.  More wine followed as the taxi home meant we didn't need a designated driver for once.

The chatter flowed freely as we discussed topics ranging from Christmas to films to 'who had done what to whom'.  We laughed, we listened, we flirted and we may have even done a tiny bit of gossiping.  Ian really is my best friend.  He was my friend for years before we became a proper couple and it was nice to fall back into the comfortable banter we used to enjoy.  We did talk about the kids - but as they are our biggest source of pride and joy in the world, we enjoy reveling in tales of what they have done or are going to do.  It does not distract from our enjoyment, it adds to it.  So kid talk will never be out of bounds...even on date night!

Our date night reminded me how nice it is to dress up for my husband.  It gave us a focus to really think about 'us' as a couple rather than our usual default role of mum and dad.  Even though we love being parents, I am acutely aware that  one day the kids will be all grown up and won't need as much of our attention.  When that day comes I don't want to go into deep depression and feel that I have lost everything that has defined me for the most part of my adult life.  I may be a mother, but I am also a wife and one half of the partnership that is 'Wendy and Ian'.  And this side of me deserves some attention too.  

But most of all, date night was really good fun!!  I bloody love that husband of mine  ;)

Thank you to Tots 100 and Head and Shoulders for providing everything I needed for date night!