Keeping the Spark Alive in our Marriage

This month, I celebrated nineteen years of marriage with my high school sweetheart, best friend and soul mate Ian. I consider myself so blessed to be with a man that I still love so much, that I am deeply attracted to and who has always been one of my very best mates.

With five children, family is a fundamental part of who we are and we are very proud parents who share the same values and ideals when it comes to our kids. However making time for ourselves has also been an important part of our relationship over the years, and we've never neglected that side of our marriage.

For us, togetherness doesn't have to come in any elaborate way. It's often the little things that bring us closer together. Such as holding hands when we walk around the supermarket, complimenting each other and meaning it, playing our old vinyl collection and slow dancing in the living room or snuggling up on the sofa to watch our favourite TV shows.

Conversation is important, so we always take time to talk to each other about what we are up to or what we plan to do. Being open, honest and truthful with each other has always been important to us. We've always ascertained that having no secrets and never judging each other is one of the cornerstones of our relationship. And laughter is paramount. Humour is one of life's best tools against the seriousness of being an adult with responsibilities. Finding the funny in everyday situations and laughing at ourselves (and each other) keeps things light.

In a lot of ways, I'm quite old fashioned when it comes to relationships. I am the stay at home mum and housewife, Ian is the breadwinner. I love cooking him his favourite meals and I enjoy keeping the house looking nice. He is always appreciative of the things I do and he will also pitch in with the childcare and housework when I need a hand, so there is never any resentment or feelings of being taken for granted. We see ourselves as a team and we work together for the good of our relationship and for our family.

Although finding the time to go out in the evening is difficult, we do enjoy daytime dating! Ian has occasional days off work and we always find the time to go out for a lovely lunchtime meal or catch a daytime showing of the latest must see film at the cinema. Knowing the little ones are safe at school in their normal routine means I can totally relax. Spending some quality time together really helps us connect and allows us to just be ourselves. It's lovely rekindling that feeling of dating, it makes us feel young again, bringing back memories of the early days of our relationship.

According to a survey by Vagisil ProHydrate, 70% of women say intimacy makes them feel closer to their partner, making them feel more connected, confident and loved. It's a way of expressing your love to your partner and to feel loved in return. The top three things associated with intimacy among women in a committed relationship according to the survey are; closeness (69%), togetherness (65%) and love (61%). It's never too late to reconnect with a partner and recapture those feelings of intimacy. Remembering the reasons that you fell in love with each other and re-exploring what those things were, reminds us why we chose one another all those years ago. The stresses of life sometimes get in the way of who we are or what we want to be, so simply enjoying being a couple again can really help to rekindle that spark and allows us to reconnect both physically and emotionally.

            

My husband is my rock and we've seen each other through everything that life has thrown at us over the years. Sometimes, maintaining the effort needed to keep the spark alive can be difficult, but even through the toughest of times, we always dig deep and remember that our relationship and our love is what is at the heart of our family. And when all the children are grown-up and have flown the nest, Ian and I, and our love for each other, will continue going strong.


This post has been written in conjunction with Vagisil’s new ProHydrate range, which relieves intimate dryness so that you can feel comfortable, confident and enjoy intimacy when you want to.

The Vagisil ProHydrate range is available at Boots and Superdrug. For more information, visit the Vagisil website.

How to Keep the Spark in your Relationship

However much I love my husband, there are times when I know I neglect us as a couple.  With all the pressures of family life, it's easy to let your relationship take a back seat.  It's easy to concentrate on the kids and give them 100% of your focus.  But one day they will leave home and you will find that it is just the two of you.  You owe it to future-you to pay some attention to your marriage, creating a strong foundation for the future and setting a good example to your children so they can go on to have good relationships in their lives.

I was lucky enough to have a transatlantic phone consultation with relationship expert and love guru Matthew Hussey as part of the date night campaign with Head and Shoulders. He told me some great tips on how to keep our relationship fresh and offered some helpful suggestions on how to make magic moments that will reconnect us and provide a framework upon which to grow together.  Making new rituals will help condition us into making our relationship better and build a relationship that will withstand the test of time.

1- Take time on your personal grooming so you look good and feel good.  Pamper yourself before a special date and enjoy making yourself look beautiful. (And if your other half complains you are taking too long getting ready, just remind them that you enjoy making yourself look beautiful for him!)

2- Give your partner a compliment.  Think of something new to compliment them on and mean it.  Think about the little things that you love about them and let them know.  Make them feel loved and cherished and never taken for granted.

3- Recognise the different types of affection that you share with your partner and aim to add some extra ways to touch them that will keep them guessing.  Ian and I are really quite demonstrative and if I ever reach out to gently stroke his back or squeeze his arm, whilst we're doing the weekly grocery shopping or some other mundane task, it always makes him smile and silently reminds him that he is loved.  It's an unexpected  chance to connect in everyday moments.

4- Live in the present and dream of the future!  Look forward to something together.  Plan a trip, discuss your retirement or plan a date night!  Think of something that excites you that you can talk about and take mutual pleasure in.  Don't dwell on the comfortable familiarity of yesterday.  Look towards tomorrow and focus on the good things you are yet to enjoy.

5- Connect to each other through a shared activity.  Maybe take a course, learn a language, research something that interests you.  Having something new and different to talk about (other than work, money or the kids) that will inspire interesting and new channels of conversation.  Doing so helps you to grow yourself and open up the world to you both.

6- Rekindle early habits and set new routines into motion.  Don't focus on a one off grand gesture, instead work on a new set of practices that you can adopt into everyday life that will bring you together as a couple, help nurture your relationship and make your time together filled with special moments.

It's not rocket science, but it never hurts to remind yourself of the importance of devoting time to your marriage. We've been married for 16 years now and our third child is due to leave home next year, leaving us with just two chicks in our nest.  We are edging closer to the day when it is just the two of us and when that day comes I want it to be an opportunity to really explore and enjoy our time as a couple.  Working on our relationship now and holding onto the reasons that made us fall in love in the first place (some 30 years ago when we started dating for the first time) reminds me just how lucky we are to have each other.  We are soul mates, best friends and true loves.  Our time together is precious.  We need to remember this fact and not allow ourselves to slip into boring ruts that threaten to take the sparkle off of what we have.  Occasional date nights will definitely help put the romance back, allowing us to enjoy each other away from the responsibility of home life...if only for a few hours.

You can find Michael's website at howtogettheguy.com where he shares some of the secrets of attraction and where you can sign up to attend one of his highly successful and popular seminars.

The Date Night campaign that I am part of is being sponsored by Head and Shoulders who sent me the lovely pampering products!