University envy - who could I have been?

Ella is having the absolute time of her life at university.  She lives in a really cool, modern 12 bedroom townhouse with an assortment of interesting and characterful housemates.  She is studying a subject she loves; enjoying the excitement of city life and has already found her soulmate (who she met whilst he was wearing a gold morphsuit!)  I have seen my little girl grow in confidence and become a self sufficient young woman.  She cooks herself falafel, does laundry and bakes cookies. Most importantly to me in all this is the fact that she is the happiest she has ever been in her entire life.  That is the very thing I have always wanted for my children, to be happy.

When I was eighteen and taking my A'Levels I was living with my unemployed boyfriend and working in the Holiday Inn at Heathrow Airport until 3 am to pay the bills. Somehow I managed to get the grades I needed to take up my place at university to study Sociology and Psycholgy.  I had my future right there in my hands, but at the eleventh hour, gave up my place to stay with my utterly unambitious boyfriend.  I got myself a job in the quality control department at Horlicks, as a laboratory assistant. Within a year I had split up with my boyfriend and started to think about the possibility of giving up my job and taking up a place at university and starting a new life for myself after all.  Then I discovered I was pregnant and my dreams of being a student were shelved forever.

Visiting Ella at the weekend and sitting at the big table in the communal living room of her student accommodation, surrounded by her housemates, I was overwhelmed with just how young they were and how much of their future lay ahead of them.  So much potential!  With their fabulous accommodation, exciting social life and endless opportunities for personal development, I couldn't help but wonder what I had missed out on as an 18 year old. This made me reflect on just how old I was getting and how many opportunities I had passed up.

I could just imagine myself as a student back in the day.  Maybe the experience would have allowed me to reach my potential. At school, it was assumed I would be a high flier one day.  I was bright with the sort of memory that made revision easy.  I loved essay writing and relished the challenge of exams.  Unfortunately, I juggled the blessing of my intelligence with the curse of depression, borderline anorexia and crippling self doubt.  I made some pretty bad decisions and really didn't live up to my promise at all.

I have written a million times that I don't have a single regret, because I wouldn't swap my husband and children for the whole world, but there is a part of me that wonders whether in an alternate universe there is a whole other version of myself.  The 'me' that didn't get involved with the low life that I thought I loved enough to throw away my chance of going to university, growing up and finding myself.  The 'me' that didn't get pregnant by said low-life in some subconscious hope that it'd make our failing relationship work.  The 'me' that met new people and became an interesting, well rounded person in my own right.  The 'me' that graduated, got a good job, travelled and made a success of myself. The 'me' that finally met a man and settled down in a lovely home and got married before bringing children into the world.  The 'me' who managed to juggle a successful career with family life and who had a wide circle of like-minded friends.  The 'me' with expensive designer clothes, manicured nails and perfectly dyed and styled hair. The 'me' who would think that someone myself was beneath her.

I may not have reached my full potential and I may not have had my chance to be a student in a funky house with cool flatmates, but I have my grown-up children who been given the opportunities I wasted. They have the world at their feet and if I can enjoy their successes and adventures vicariously through them, knowing I have helped to make it happen, then I can be proud and happy with the 'me' that I have become.  I honestly wouldn't swap this underachieving 'me' for anything!

How my kids keep making me proud - a new job and starting university

Last weekend, we packed up the car and drove to Manchester, the city that Ella will be calling home for the next three years.  With a car laden with bags of clothes, shoes, kitchen equipment and of course Ella's guitar, we headed up the M6 to our destination.  We were all a bit unsure about how the day would pan out and Freddy had been quite over emotional about losing his sister and having his family change.  In fact, we had seen some epic meltdowns over the smallest things, which is not like him at all.  But we tried to keep things light and have fun, stopping for some breakfast at the services and having an in car picnic en route!

We arrived in good time and found the campus. The brand new university building with its adjoining townhouse accommodation was an impressive sight. Although all the building work and landscaping was not completely finished, and although there had been some issues over allocating housing to students because of this, seeing the place put our minds at rest.  Once it is completely finished the place will be quite spectacular!

Ella was lucky enough to get her choice of accommodation in a lovely townhouse.  We were impressed that the university had a team of helpers on hand to advise arriving students on what to do, plus there were porters to help transport the loads of luggage from the car to her door.  Fantastic service!

The accommodation itself was lovely.  Ella has a fully furnished room with a desk, wardrobe, shelving, drawers and a large 3/4 bed.  She shares a shower room and toilet with the room next door and shares a huge kitchen/living area with her eleven flatmates.  With three full sized fridge freezers, two full size fitted ovens, two microwaves, two full sink units, toasters, kettles and a load of storage space, there is plenty of room for everyone to cook.  The living space has sofas, a big, wall mounted TV and a massive round table and seating.  It is more like a holiday home than student digs.

Megan came across to give us a hand moving Ella in, as she has made Manchester her home after graduating.  As ever it was lovely seeing her and catching up on all her news.  Megan took a career break earlier this year to try her hand in the world of film and TV.  In six months she had worked on two shorts (one starring some bloke off of Corrie, which made my mum' day), one feature film starring John Hurt (in which both Megan and Ella had roles as extras) and a CBBC series.  It was a real adventure for her, but the 14 hour days, extreme pressure and the hierarchy of the industry made her realise that, although a great experience, it wouldn't cut it as a career choice for her.  So Megan set about returning to the corporate world and quickly was approached by the biggest digital marketing agency in the UK who offered her a job there and then.  She starts in October!  I'm so very proud of her.

Once we had moved Ella's stuff into the townhouse, we took the 10 minute walk to the main university complex and enjoyed a vegan lunch at Falafel, a delicious and healthy fast food outlet serving freshly cooked falafel in a pitta wrap with salad, hummus, tahini and chilli sauce.  One of the perks of city life is the choice of fabulous world food on your doorstep!  While Ian and Freddy had a play in the park next to the university, my girls and I went for a wander to check out the student union and pick up Ella's Fresher's wristband and help her find her bearings in her new hometown.

A quick spot of shopping at the huge Asda, which is a short walk from Ella's campus, and we had done everything we had to do.  I didn't plan how or when we would leave, nor did I want to think about it in case I cried and upset Ella, but it actually ended up so easy.  When we got back to Ella's house, her flatmates were chatting and getting to know each other and it was the most natural thing in the world for Ella to join in their conversation.  Gone was my timid little girl and in her place was a confident young woman, eager to start this new chapter in her life.  My heart swelled with love and pride as we said our good-byes.  It was like she belonged there and it would be the making of her. Yes, I shed a tear, but not because I was sad, but because I was so bloody proud and happy for my little girl being given this chance to shine.

As we drove away from Manchester, with my slightly smaller family, Freddy started talking about why he had been so upset over the last couple of days before Ella left.  He told us that he hadn't understood what university was.  He thought Ella was going to "another country with glowing floors and shiny walls" and that he wouldn't be able to see her.  However, he said that after seeing where she was living he now knew that it was "just normal" and that Ella would be OK.  In that instant, my calm, loving, well behaved little boy returned and all was good with the world once again.

Now, a few days since Ella left home, I've talked everyday by either phone, text or Skype to both of my girls and I've been enjoying Facebook updates and photographs of Ella's student antics.  She has embraced student life and has some wonderful flatmates.  There have been big nights out and impromptu house parties.  She is making the most of this opportunity and I could not be more proud! Having my third chick fly the nest has not left me bereft at all. My heart isn't emptier it's fuller and bursting with love for them all. My life feels even richer now, knowing I have another grown up child, doing me proud and making their mark. This is what being a mum is all about, raising kids to become confident, happy and fulfilled adults, and right now I am feeling pretty damn content about my life, watching my three big kids forge their own paths in the big wide world.