Well that was 2011!

It has passed in a blink of an eye and a constant flurry of activities.  2011, has been a great year! My family have continued to make me proud and are my greatest joy and achievement. Freddy has grown into a bright and gorgeous toddler (with a Diva-ish penchant for dancing in his big sister's dresses!)  Kizzy is thriving at school and has enjoyed taking part in the Gifted and Talented programme.  Ella's musical talents continue to astound me with her beautiful guitar playing and vocals.  Megan is doing so well applying for Graduate schemes ready for September. Joe has been promoted at work with his new post starting in January.  But 2011 has been a great year for me personally too!  My blog has continued to present me with amazing opportunities and I have been amazed at how much it has evolved over the last 12 months. Here are some of my highlights of the year.

My success with my weightloss has seen me have photoshoots for The Sun and Top Sante and I have appeared in the Mail Online.  I was the runner-up in the Slimpod Slimmer of the Year competition which was a huge honour, after shedding 3 stone with the Lose 2 Jeans Sizes Slimpod!  This year I want to lose another stone and maintain a comfortable size 12.  That will be a huge achievement and will make me truly believe that I have completely kicked the yoyo diet habits forever.  I am forever indebted to the wonderful Sandra Roycroft-Davis who I have met on numerous occasions this year.

Top Sante shoot by Thomas Skovsende

In 2011 I have been a Craniac for John Crane, a Graco Ambassador and a Toys R Us Toyologist. I have worked with some great companies including UK Mums TV, Aldi, Regis, Pampers, Warner Bros, P&O, Quinny, Next and Ubisoft.  I love working closely with brands that I believe in.  It is an amazing opportunity to test out products and attend events, and share my thoughts on my blog.

In 2011 I enjoyed going to Cybermummy along with fellow ambassador Emma representing Graco.  With a hire car from Hyundai and Lou as my co-pilot we had a great time meeting fellow bloggers and learning a thing or two about the blogging world.  I even won the passport competition, winning a weekend at The Four Seasons Hotel.  Above all though, attending this event was a huge achievement for me.  Just a few months prior to this, I would never have dreamt that I would be able to drive all the way to London and stay in a hotel on my own without Ian by my side.  This was a real test for me and my self-confidence...and I've not looked back since!

Feeling like an official Blogger at Cybermummy

I took Kizzy to the Hexbugs Bedbugs Sleepover at London Zoo.  It was amazing sleeping on the floor of a bug house alongside ants and cockroaches after having a private tour of the zoo by torchlight.  We went with Helen and her daughter Hanna who were perfect company.

Meeting a Tarantula at London Zoo

The Next event to preview the SS12 range was a wonderful, child friendly affair where we were thoroughly spoiled!  I had some photos taken of Freddy which I absolutely love.  I'm proud to be part of the Next Blogger Network and would love to work with them again in 2012.

Fred modelling his Next jeans (Next jumper was removed prior to photoshoot!)

I guest edited Real People which was a real highlight of the year and got to produce a two page spread that appeared in the magazine.  It was an amazing experience that gave me the chance to recommend some of my favourite blogs and top toys.

My Real People pages!

Attending the Tots 100 Butlins Christmas Party was a wonderful opportunity to combine blogging with my family, as me, Ian and the kids descended on the Bognor Regis resort.  I had a really great time catching up with favourite online friends and spending some quality pre-Christmas fun with my family.  Thanks again to Sally!

Our Tree Decorating Team at Butlins

The Rachel's Organic event at Buxted Park Hand Picked Hotel was another wonderful opportunity.  We watched top chef Lucy Hyder prepare dishes using Rachel's products before being treated to a sumptuous four course meal in the 5* restaurant.  The hotel was exquisite, the company was superb and the food was out of this world.

Me and Lucy Hyder of Buxted Park.

I have enjoyed family outings to zoos, safari parks, theme parks, Blackpool dungeons and events such as Bob's Big Build (where we enjoyed a marvellous breakfast on board a Clipper alongside Danielle, Helen and families before arriving at the O2 for lots of Bob related fun!).  Sharing the benefits of blogging with the children and Ian is a real bonus, making the hours spent tapping away on my laptop worthwhile.  The children have also relished the opportunity of being my Tiny Testers, helping me with my reviews.  I couldn't have done it without them!

Kizzy at Bob's Big Build

What a great year 2011 has been!  Here's hoping that 2012 is going to be as successful, eventful and fun for us all!  I hope to see many more of you in 2012...our community is a wonderful place and I am honoured to be a part of it!  Happy New Year! xxx

My Psychology of Slimming

"I am someone who has previously suffered from an eating disorder.  I have starved myself.  I have pretended to eat, hidden food and felt proud of my deceit.

Over the years, my eating disorder took on a new tact...that of binge eating.  I have no stop button.  I can keep going, stuffing my face with food without ever feeling sick or full.

Clearly the binge eating was not good for the waist line and eventually the whole consumption of hundreds of calories in one sitting took its toll.

The emotional aspect of comfort eating is an easy excuse to justify why I had just eaten a family sized 200g bar of Cadbury's Wholenut, followed by a family bag of Tortilla Chips (yes I really did that).  But to me that excuse wears thin, becoming a vicious circle of  "I'm depressed so I'll eat. Oh dear I'm fat so I'm depressed.  I'm miserable so I'll hit the biscuit barrel!"  There is no escape from the spiral of destruction that goes hand in hand with that train of thought.

I've eaten because my "mouth has been bored"!  Before the days of this blog, I was a non-stop eater.  Boredom can be a complete killer in terms of calorie consumption.  The very fact I now have this little corner of Cyberspace to keep me occupied means that I would sometimes not think about food for longer periods of time.  But eventually the knowledge of the fact that my cupboards contained treats bought for the kids would filter into my conscious and the binging would recommence.

Attempting to eat healthy alternatives is just not an option.  How can a small handful of sunflower seeds and a peeled carrot compensate for not having the cream cake that you know is in the fridge?  It can't...you just eat both the healthy snack and the cake!

Not having treats in the house is unrealistic.  I was not about to deny my kids a lunchbox treat just because I couldn't control myself.  But one December I had bought selection boxes for the kids and I hid myself away and literally gorged myself on ten full sized choccie bars because I was feeling a bit down.  Shameful!

Being so tall meant I could get away with carrying extra weight, and it wasn't until I went to the doctor's and was weighed that I realised that I had crept into the band of the BMI chart that screamed OBESE!!!!  To me, obese people were those bed bound giants that lay in the prison of their own bodies.  The ones who ordered in pizzas and fried chicken as they grew their rolls of undulating fat.  Not me!  I couldn't be obese...but there I was according to the new fangled calculations of shame.

I'd diet with sterling will power and lose weight quickly, but eventually I'd tire of the feeling of self-deprivation and hit the bakery department of Morrisons with the wild abandon of Augustus Gloop in Wonka's Chocolate Factory.  It wouldn't be pretty.  I'd convince myself it was a one off glitch, but the dieting spell was broken...it was easy to 'slip' again and again until I was all slip and no diet!

The blogging journey thankfully lead me into the open arms of Sandra from Thinking Slimmer.  I agreed to do a trial of a new Slimpod.  I didn't have any expectations and although it seemed to work at first, something just made me give up and sabotage my efforts after the 21 day trial.  I thought that would be the end of my relationship with Thinking Slimmer but they don't give up that easily.  With a few tweaks of my programme, some supportive phone calls and Tweets, I was ready to try again.  I had a few false starts but when the time was right I committed to it. This time things have changed dramatically.

It was being at Cybermummy that really brought the difference in me to the fore.  All those cupcakes and chocolate bars available to munch on all day long.  That used to be my idea of heaven.  A cornucopia of sugar laden treats going begging...and all for free!  It was the ultimate temptation...but someone forget to tell my unconscious mind to crave them.  It didn't even occur to me to want to eat them.  I popped a couple in my bag thinking that my girls would love them.  I didn't pop them in my mouth!  It wasn't until 3pm when I made a conscious decision to have one because I was feeling a bit flaky due to only having a tiny lunch.  I recognised a need to eat something to keep me going and I enjoyed trawling all the cupcake displays in the main hall, looking for my prize.  I settled on Johnson Baby's offering and it was a good choice. Light vanilla sponge and not too much frosting.  I savoured my treat and no floodgate of food cravings was opened.  That to me is a huge success.

I want to be able to eat something delicious from time to me, having factored in the calorie content.  I want to enjoy it, relishing the indulgence, but confident in the fact that one will be enough.  I want to live my life without feeling that I can't go out anywhere because I'm afraid of temptation.   This door has finally opened up to me...I am at last free."

This is my Mumentum post.  Thank you to the lovely ladies and the wonderful Liska for making me not feel alone with my issues and triumphs.  Thank you to Sandra and Trevor for the opportunity to try something that I would never have considered doing myself otherwise.  My life is truly changing.

My Cybermummy Experience

From the moment our Hyundai Santa Fe arrived, the Cybermummy excitement began!  I hadn't driven further than 20 miles for years.  I had developed a touch of agoraphobia and a total loss of confidence resulting in my self-imposed 20 mile radius of containment. But here I was with gorgeous vehicle that meant I had to drive to Central London without relying on my husband and personal chaffeur Ian.  This time last year I would have been rocking in the corner, rigid with fear at the prospect of having to come out of my comfort zone.  However, since I started my blog in September last year, miraculous things have happened.  My self-worth has grown exponentially, my confidence has increased, I have validation, purpose and self belief.  I feel like I really exist in the world, and not just within my four walls.  So the arrival of the Hyundai heralded an opportunity.  A chance for me to actually break out on my own.

Armed with a spanking new Sat Nav that Ian had bought for me especially for the journey, and with my co-driver Louise, I was raring to go.  Apart from the trauma of leaving my breastfeeding boy I was eager to take the bull by the horns and test out my newfound independence!

The three and a half hour journey from Shropshire to London was made all the more entertaining by Hyundai's challenges that had been set for all six of the carshare cars, and more satisfying due to the hamper of goodies that kept us going whilst navigating the M6!  The car itself was a joy to drive...my first foray into the automatic car market was something I thoroughly enjoyed.  The car was responsive, powerful and the steering was light for such a big 7 seater 4x4 vehicle!

Finding a parking space in Central London was a bit hair raising, and we ended up in a scary place up a narrow, steep ramp in the back of beyond.  But we had made it!

The Hoxton Hotel was a very modern and funky affair.  My room was amazing with modern decor and a huge bathroom with wet room.  Once I worked out the I needed to put the keycard into a slot by the door to activate the electricity I was fine (till then it was a bit dark!)

Being on my own for the first time in years was not at all scary.  I have really grown through the miracle of blogging!

We spent the evening with Sandy Calico and her dinner guests at a little Italian Pizzeria.  Bar being given bad directions and walking in the London rain for half an hour longer than we needed to, with Lou in her spiked heel party shoes, we made the rendez-vous to meet with some old friends and make some new ones!  We were slightly bedraggled but as soon as the food arrived all was well in the world! Our first goodie bag, courtesy of Sandy,  was very impressive!  Walking back to the hotel resulted in poor Lou's feet bleeding...my Converse may not have looked as sexy, but my feet were unscathed!

The night spent alone in the crisp white sheeted luxury of the Hoxton bed was devoid of any sleep.  I'm just not used to being free from the high alert state of wakefulness that co-sleeping creates.  However, it was a very comfortable sleepless night!

Next morning we took a black cab to the Brewery and felt very official with our lanyard and name card.  We had to go to hand in our Hyundai keys at their stand first thing, and the seductive nature of the other brands with their giveaway goodies and friendly banter was quite addictive.  Chatting to the PR ladies at Crocs, Butlins, the Portland Hospital and E45 made us lose all track of time, and before we knew it we had totally missed the opening speeches and Sarah Brown's Keynote speech.  Oops...note to self....buy a watch!!  I had no idea of the time but the lack of bloggers really should have given it away!  I was gutted to have missed the highlight of the morning....and pretty sad to have missed the Dodo Pads which were given away on the tables.  But this faux pas is very typically me.

We attended a Facebook and Twitter Workshop (we meant to attend a different one about marketing your brand but again, it is typical of me to go to the wrong place!!)  However it was imformative and I learnt all about bitly.

I also attended the Working With Brands workshop which was really informative and interesting (except for the last speaker...sorry, the sociology of parenting just wasn't a good fit to the proceedings.  Apologies if our sneaking out was offensive!)

It was an incredibly exhausting day, but coffee, chocolates, pop, smoothies and other goodies (Johnson's Baby Cupcakes were so divine!) were on hand for caffeine or sugar hits when the energy levels sapped.  I was very good and ate next to nothing naughty....but with Sandra from Thinking Slimmer there, I wouldn't be anything other than virtuous would I!  She was as lovely and supportive in real life as she has been in the virtual world!  Meeting Trevor, the voice of the Slimpods, was a particular highlight of my day....he has been "with me" on and off since last November, helping me lose weight and keep on the dieting straight and narrow. (And he smelt really nice!)

The final crowd sourced speeches were a wonderful way to round up the official proceedings.  There were a range of subjects covered from the incredibly moving story of childhood cancer to the hilarious story of vibrator disposal.  They really showed the diversity of the blogosphere, which to me is its beauty.

Most of all to me, it was meeting the wonderful women from behind the words, that made Cybermummy 11 the wonderful experience it was.  Catching up with Blog Buddies from previous events was fabulous.  Having a laugh with Emma my fellow Graco Ambassador was such fun.  Meeting the lovely Mumentum ladies including  Liska , was a wonderful way to put faces to the names of the supportive bunch who have encouraged me along  my weightloss journey. Sitting with Working London Mummy who I first met through the Brit Mums Comment Group, as we watched Boris Johnson's sister get a bit of verbal abuse from the floor was memorable!  Super Amazing Mum lived up to her moniker...when we first met in the virtual world last year, due to both being finalists in the same national competition, we would never have believed our blogging would have lead to us both meeting at the biggest UK conference for Mummy Bloggers.  There are too many other people to mention by name, but I loved meeting everyone on my 'must meet' list.  I was just sad that I didn't get to meet Kate Takes 5...but I saw her up on stage, so that will have to suffice.

I was delighted, humbled and overjoyed when people recognised me and wanted to talk to me.  I felt proud of myself and my blog, and a little incredulous that I was actually at a conference in London, unthinkable just 9 months ago!

To top off a fabulous day, I won the top prize in the Cybermummy Prize Draw and will be off to a hotel with the family as a result.  I was thrilled to bits!

We drove home afterwards and arrived back in Shropshire at 1am...knackered but in a good way.  My baby boy and his daddy were sound asleep in our bed.  Freddy woke up at 5am and I couldn't have been more delighted to see my little man because by this time I was actually crying with intense boob pain from not feeding him for over 36 hours.  I hadn't anticipated just how bad I would feel...weaning by cold turkey would have worked for him, but not for me.  I had rock hard boobs and lumps in my armpits that made my toes curl with cringy agony! But I am starting the gradual process of weaning him now, knowing that he can cope without breastfeeding during the day.  Another step on my journey begins.

Cybermummy 2011 was an experience I am delighted to have had and I am grateful to Graco and Hyundai for making it all so possible!

Silent Sunday