Twenty years is a long time.
So many things have happened.
So much has changed.
My three youngest children were born, and along with their two older siblings, have become the wonderful people they are today.
Ian and I got married, cementing a relationship that began when we were still in school.
Princess Diana died in that terrible Paris car crash. The princes have grown into fine men breathing new life into the royal family and a new generation of baby royals have now taken their place in the monarchy.
The Spice Girls formed and split up. Take That split up and then reformed. The Rolling Stones and Meatloaf are still going strong.
Hollywood lost Heath Ledger, River Phoenix, Christopher Reeve and Patrick Swayze way too soon.
We've seen the meteoric rise of the internet, WiFi, smartphones, smart TVs, laptops, smart watches, iPods and iPads.
Our entertainment has been dominated by Minecraft, PS3s and PS4s,World of Warcraft, X Boxes, Netflix, Sky TV, X factor, Big Brother, Pixar and GTA.
We've watched The Matrix, Avatar, Minions, Frozen, Wreck it Ralph, Twilight, The Avengers, Monsters Inc, Jurassic World - all in glorious high definition.
The Simpsons, Eastenders, Casualty and Corrie are still running, but we have said farewell to Top of the Pops, Friends and ER.
Binge watching box sets has become the thing to do. Breaking Bad, Scandal, The Walking Dead, House of Cards, Once Upon a Time and Dexter - how I have enjoyed you!
We read Kindles instead of books. Harry Potter brought magic in to the muggles' world. Fifty Shades of Grey brought erotica (albeit poorly written erotica) into the mainstream.
We have YouTube, digital photography, Google, Facebook, Instagram, Skype, Pinterest and Twitter. We are connected 24/7.
Starbucks and Costa serve us skinny decaff pumpkin spiced lattes and double shot caramel macchiatos.
The 2012 Olympics saw Team GB win golds galore as London became the place to be.
We fell in love with the Blade Runner Oscar Pistorious and were left shocked and disgusted by his violent fall from grace.
My family all became vegetarian and we've witnessed Quorn become a staple product in supermarkets. All but one of us remain true to our plant based diet.
There have been terrible wars and natural disasters, which have shaken our world to its core.
We've witnessed examples of humanity and inhumanity in equal measure.
I have become a very proud Nana and Grauntie as new babies are born into our family.
Our family has evolved as wings have been spread and good-byes have been said, but home is always where the heart is.
So much has happened. So much has changed.
And it's all gone on without you here to see it or be a part of it.
Twenty years without you.
It still hurts.
It always will.
I miss you Carol.
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Tuesday, 8 September 2015
Friday, 12 July 2013
The End of an Era - The Start of Something New
I've never been a fan of change. I like things how they are, with me in control, knowing where I am and what to expect. It comforts me and keeps me safe. But life is all about change. The status quo is in a state of constant flux, with time ebbing and flowing and bringing new challenges in on the tide of life. Nothing stays the same. How can it?
I am at a crossroads in my life. Nothing major in the scheme of things, but life changing to me. Freddy is going to be going to school in September. Until now, being a stay at home mum to my fifth and last child has defined me. Extended breastfeeding and bed sharing with a boy that never slept through the night has made parenting him an intense experience. But over the months, his reliance on me has become less and less, as my son has found his way towards his increasing independence.
Freddy has not always been an easy child. For a while I worried about him terribly. He was high maintenance, fearful of other people, painfully shy and distressed by new experiences. Someone suggested whether I'd considered Asperger's Syndrome as a reason for his behavior, and I have to admit it had crossed my mind. I also wondered whether the fact that I was over 40 when I had him had possibly been responsible for the way he was. But I wasn't about to label my toddler or beat myself up about selfishly wanting another child late in life. My son was unique, precious and an absolute joy, as long as he felt secure in his surroundings. He just needed to find his way to deal with life outside of his very limited comfort zone.
Starting nursery was a nightmare. I put him in the local setting attached to the Infant School that I thought he would ultimately attend. It is a popular and oversubscribed nursery so I was fortunate to find him a place in the afternoons. However, it was all wrong for him. It was horrendous seeing my son regress further into himself, screaming hysterically, physically hurting himself, stuttering and going rigid with fear. He even became afraid of the people he knew, losing his trust in everything. It all happened so quickly. The negative changes were sudden and extreme. I blamed myself. I felt torn between wanting to protect him and keep him away from the world, and feeling frustrated and angry that he wasn't like the other kids. The reassurances that the nursery made to me before he started, about buddying him up with another child to help him integrate and allowing me to stay if need be, were just empty promises. The emphasis on the setting was school readiness, rigid structure and independence. There was no room for manoeuvre. My son thrived on love, nurture and security. It was too soon to try to make a highly nervous 3 year old into a schoolboy. It was all wrong.
I was proud of myself for taking him out of that place. I thought it'd feel like defeat, but it didn't. I had the power to make a change and I did. I knew however, that it was important for him to take a step towards starting school as he will be just 4 years and 2 months old come September. But he needed the right nursery to help nurture him towards being independent. I found the perfect place, with the perfect people. An emphasis on play and child-led activities. An ethos of love and care, not a hands off approach. Children are cuddled and allowed to go at their own pace. The atmosphere is relaxed. It's fun and friendly. The structure does not consume the children. It's a happy place. The place which turned my son around and made him flourish and grow and become the confident, independent and wonderful little man he is today.
I will always be grateful to them. They have given him so much. Made him realise that he can be happy away from home and away from his family. That he can make friends with other children. Join in and play. He is a different child. A joy. That painfully shy and fearful child is now a brave little boy who will now go up to kids and say hello. Other children want to play with him. It is beautiful!
After our experience of the local nursery/Infant School, I turned down the place we got for him to go there. Someone will be delighted to make use of his spot, as it is always oversubscribed. But it is not the place for us. Instead he will be attending a tiny rural Primary School in a beautiful little village. The ethos of the school is similar to Freddy's nursery. Older kids are encouraged to help and support the little ones in a nurturing and supportive environment. The child comes first and this school offers an alternative to the busy schools with their intimidating playground footfall. He is in an intake of just seven children. I am no longer worried about him. He is going to be OK.
So my son has grown. He has turned a corner and become the child I always knew he could be, helped by some amazing people along the way. But now I find myself without a young child at home for the first time in years. With the prospect of being 'me' again. That is hard to contemplate. The last four years have focused so much on being Freddy's stay at home, full time mum. Trying to find ways to make him happy and get him on track. Now I have achieved that, I wonder what I will do next.
In the past, I have reached this point in my life and made the decision to have another baby. But I'm now 44. I have five children. I'm also a grandma. I have to face the fact that their will be no more babies for me. That part of my life is over. The thing that has defined me for the last 25 years, from when I was just 19 years old is over. It's time to make some big decisions. It's time to think of myself which is scary. I can't remember how to do that! I've not had to do 'me' in a long time. This is unknown territory.
This blog has been my outlet for the last three years, but I know I have recently lost touch with the blogging community that I was once immersed in. I have felt myself become more sidelined from the virtual friendships that I had developed. I have withdrawn more from the personal side of blogging. But it can be lonely sat at my laptop writing reviews and filtering through the hundreds of spam comments that I receive day in day out and feeling no connection to the real people out there. I need to re-engage. Britmums 2014 anyone?? I have also, yet again, self-sabotaged my weight loss and am now once more overweight and unfit! I am just so predictable!! I am guessing that this has all been down to the fact that I am actually pretty scared about where my life is going. That I am going to start to have to do more for myself because it's just going to be me, myself and I, all day, every week day from September. It is however an opportunity. I know that. A chance to re-invent myself and find out who I am. I'm pretty secure in my role as wife, mother, sister, daughter, auntie, grandma...now I just need to figure out what it means to be Wendy.
I am at a crossroads in my life. Nothing major in the scheme of things, but life changing to me. Freddy is going to be going to school in September. Until now, being a stay at home mum to my fifth and last child has defined me. Extended breastfeeding and bed sharing with a boy that never slept through the night has made parenting him an intense experience. But over the months, his reliance on me has become less and less, as my son has found his way towards his increasing independence.
Freddy has not always been an easy child. For a while I worried about him terribly. He was high maintenance, fearful of other people, painfully shy and distressed by new experiences. Someone suggested whether I'd considered Asperger's Syndrome as a reason for his behavior, and I have to admit it had crossed my mind. I also wondered whether the fact that I was over 40 when I had him had possibly been responsible for the way he was. But I wasn't about to label my toddler or beat myself up about selfishly wanting another child late in life. My son was unique, precious and an absolute joy, as long as he felt secure in his surroundings. He just needed to find his way to deal with life outside of his very limited comfort zone.
Starting nursery was a nightmare. I put him in the local setting attached to the Infant School that I thought he would ultimately attend. It is a popular and oversubscribed nursery so I was fortunate to find him a place in the afternoons. However, it was all wrong for him. It was horrendous seeing my son regress further into himself, screaming hysterically, physically hurting himself, stuttering and going rigid with fear. He even became afraid of the people he knew, losing his trust in everything. It all happened so quickly. The negative changes were sudden and extreme. I blamed myself. I felt torn between wanting to protect him and keep him away from the world, and feeling frustrated and angry that he wasn't like the other kids. The reassurances that the nursery made to me before he started, about buddying him up with another child to help him integrate and allowing me to stay if need be, were just empty promises. The emphasis on the setting was school readiness, rigid structure and independence. There was no room for manoeuvre. My son thrived on love, nurture and security. It was too soon to try to make a highly nervous 3 year old into a schoolboy. It was all wrong.
I was proud of myself for taking him out of that place. I thought it'd feel like defeat, but it didn't. I had the power to make a change and I did. I knew however, that it was important for him to take a step towards starting school as he will be just 4 years and 2 months old come September. But he needed the right nursery to help nurture him towards being independent. I found the perfect place, with the perfect people. An emphasis on play and child-led activities. An ethos of love and care, not a hands off approach. Children are cuddled and allowed to go at their own pace. The atmosphere is relaxed. It's fun and friendly. The structure does not consume the children. It's a happy place. The place which turned my son around and made him flourish and grow and become the confident, independent and wonderful little man he is today.
I will always be grateful to them. They have given him so much. Made him realise that he can be happy away from home and away from his family. That he can make friends with other children. Join in and play. He is a different child. A joy. That painfully shy and fearful child is now a brave little boy who will now go up to kids and say hello. Other children want to play with him. It is beautiful!
After our experience of the local nursery/Infant School, I turned down the place we got for him to go there. Someone will be delighted to make use of his spot, as it is always oversubscribed. But it is not the place for us. Instead he will be attending a tiny rural Primary School in a beautiful little village. The ethos of the school is similar to Freddy's nursery. Older kids are encouraged to help and support the little ones in a nurturing and supportive environment. The child comes first and this school offers an alternative to the busy schools with their intimidating playground footfall. He is in an intake of just seven children. I am no longer worried about him. He is going to be OK.
So my son has grown. He has turned a corner and become the child I always knew he could be, helped by some amazing people along the way. But now I find myself without a young child at home for the first time in years. With the prospect of being 'me' again. That is hard to contemplate. The last four years have focused so much on being Freddy's stay at home, full time mum. Trying to find ways to make him happy and get him on track. Now I have achieved that, I wonder what I will do next.
In the past, I have reached this point in my life and made the decision to have another baby. But I'm now 44. I have five children. I'm also a grandma. I have to face the fact that their will be no more babies for me. That part of my life is over. The thing that has defined me for the last 25 years, from when I was just 19 years old is over. It's time to make some big decisions. It's time to think of myself which is scary. I can't remember how to do that! I've not had to do 'me' in a long time. This is unknown territory.
This blog has been my outlet for the last three years, but I know I have recently lost touch with the blogging community that I was once immersed in. I have felt myself become more sidelined from the virtual friendships that I had developed. I have withdrawn more from the personal side of blogging. But it can be lonely sat at my laptop writing reviews and filtering through the hundreds of spam comments that I receive day in day out and feeling no connection to the real people out there. I need to re-engage. Britmums 2014 anyone?? I have also, yet again, self-sabotaged my weight loss and am now once more overweight and unfit! I am just so predictable!! I am guessing that this has all been down to the fact that I am actually pretty scared about where my life is going. That I am going to start to have to do more for myself because it's just going to be me, myself and I, all day, every week day from September. It is however an opportunity. I know that. A chance to re-invent myself and find out who I am. I'm pretty secure in my role as wife, mother, sister, daughter, auntie, grandma...now I just need to figure out what it means to be Wendy.
Thursday, 25 April 2013
Thirty Years of Change
Special K has changed for the first time in thirty years, launching a brand new, more wholesome recipe for their breakfast cereal. Now made with not two but three grains - rice, wheat and barley - it contains wholegrains with 8 added vitamins and iron and has only 2% fat per portion. The delicious, crisp flakes deliver a tasty and nutritious breakfast. It is apparently a favourite of the Queen and Lady Gaga who clearly know how to enjoy a healthy start to the day! It is definitely my favourite cereal served with almond milk, and the new recipe tastes great.
Yesterday was my 44th birthday so thirty years ago I was 14 years old. I was an awkward, tall, slim schoolgirl, insecure and unsure of what lay ahead. How would three decades change me?
Whereas Special K has gained an extra grain, I have gained some extra pounds since 1983 (so I may not be planning to sport that iconic red swimsuit anytime soon). However, like Special K, thirty years of changes hasn't changed what lies at the very heart of me.
Yesterday was my 44th birthday so thirty years ago I was 14 years old. I was an awkward, tall, slim schoolgirl, insecure and unsure of what lay ahead. How would three decades change me?
Whereas Special K has gained an extra grain, I have gained some extra pounds since 1983 (so I may not be planning to sport that iconic red swimsuit anytime soon). However, like Special K, thirty years of changes hasn't changed what lies at the very heart of me.
What would I have thought had I known that in 30 years time I would be married to that lad from my English class that I had a crush on (and not John Taylor from Duran Duran!)? That we would five wonderful kids and a gorgeous grandson together!? That I would be, by choice, a stay at home mum, rather than have a high flying, jet-setting career of my own?! That I'd escape city life for a rural existence?! I don't think 14 year old me would be expecting these things in her future.
So many things are so different now. The world has changed around me.
I used to keep a written diary in 1983, recording the trials and tribulations of a teenager growing up in the eighties.
Now I run my blog recording the trials and tribulations of being a middle aged mum in 2013.
I used to take photos on my 110 camera and get my films developed, waiting anxiously for the postman to deliver my pics to see if any of the 24 prints were worth keeping.
Now I use my mobile phone to take pics, edit them on Instagram and upload them all to the internet in an instant.
Back then, Bauhaus, Marillion, Bowie, Blondie and Meatloaf played on my record player, as the needle ran across the vinyl of the 12" LP's. In my bedroom I'd sing along to my favourite tracks as I imagined myself on stage, performing alongside my musical idols.
Today I have the same artists on my iPod alongside an X Factor winner, a reformed boyband from the 90s, some Justin Fletcher for the kids, The Killers (my musical tastes have been influenced by my teenager) and some Andrew Lloyd Webber musical numbers. I sing along in my car on the school runs. Some self-hypnosis weight loss MP3s are tucked away on there too...not very rock and roll!
In 1983, on our Radio Rentals TV I'd watch Blackadder and The Young Ones as I discovered the joys of the alternative comedians. The Tube introduced me to new bands and I loved it when they'd host the first UK showing of a new music video at midnight and I'd be allowed to stay up to watch it. Having to tolerate watching Allo Allo, Game for a Laugh and The Paul Daniels Magic Show with my parents was painful, but I secretly enjoyed Blankety Blank!
Nowadays Dexter, American Horror Story, Revenge and Modern Family grace our 55" 3D plasma screen (alongside CBeebies, Nickolodeon and the Disney Channel when the kids gain control of the remote control - which is most of the time).
I used to read James Herbert and Stephen King books, flicking through the yellowing pages of the second hand books I'd acquired. I still do this...Kindles are just not the same!
I used to be pretty shy...I still am if I'm honest. But I now have the confidence that comes with age and experience to carry me through most situations. I'm not afraid to go for what I want in life and don't worry about what other people think.
I used to wonder what my purpose was. Why was I here? But ever since becoming a wife and mother, and having my incredible family, I have fully understood the meaning of life!
This is my entry for the BritMums/Special K “How I’ve Changed Linky Challenge” #SpecialK30
Thursday, 14 June 2012
Reasons To Be Cheerful....Change!
I've had a bit of a rubbish week. But even rubbish weeks help you learn valuable lessons. Life is all about growing as a person and although sometimes things have to change, things will hopefully work out for the best in the long run. This week has been about this in lots of respects, and we're going through the aftermath and coming to terms with a whole heap of changes as a family. However, lessons have been learned and for that I'm grateful.
1: Yet again I've realised how amazing my husband is. He is a man of integrity. He puts our family first and I love his simple outlook on situations. I've been a bit emotionally wobbly recently and he has put everything into perspective for me, making me see things for what they are. He supports me 100% and just being reminded of these qualities makes me happy. His job situation is still a bit flaky, but our relationship has never been stronger.
2: My daughter Megan has finished university. Three years of studying Business Management and Marketing at The University of Manchester has come to an end. I'm so proud of her. She has struggled with her health whilst she has been away and has had some problems that she has had to deal with on her own outside of the protection and comfort of her family. But she has worked hard and now holds the honour of being the most educated person in our family with a well respected degree under her belt!
She has some recently had some big changes and more are on her horizon. Times are tough for her right now. The economic climate means everything is more of a struggle but she will find a path befitting her abilities, talents and her personality. She has got so much promise and potential. Whatever she ends up doing, she'll make her mark on the world. I love my daughter and am honoured to be her mum.
3: Ella has almost finished her GCSE's. Three more exams to go and she has coped admirably with her revision. Like her big sister, she is also going through a lot of changes as she is leaving the comfort of her local school to attend a big sixth form college in a town which is an hour's bus ride away. She has some lovely friends that she will be leaving behind, but they have plans to meet up every week for a catch up. Ella's not had it easy these past months, but again I am so proud of her of her amazing self-resilience. She'll be moving onwards and upwards and will have our full support as she takes on the next challenges in her life.
4: My eldest son Joe is about to move house. It's never easy! But it is exciting to think of him and his girlfriend setting up a new home with the thought of their new baby being born into it. Unfortunately Joe's moving date is the same as the date Megan is meant to vacate her student accommodation. There will be juggling for us to do in order to help them both!!
5: Our tickets have just arrived for The M Fest, Morrison's festival of Food and Music (two of my favourite things!!) It will be Freddy and Kizzy's first weekend festival and it is something that Ian is very keen for them to experience. It's also across Freddy's 3rd birthday weekend so will be a treat for us all to celebrate his special day!
We'll be postponing his birthday party for a few weeks, but it is something I'm really looking forwards to. Lots of cake baking, music, fun, friends and family. It will be fabulous and an opportunity for us to get together and give thanks for all that is good in our life and put behind all the bad bits!
6: Today I helped sponsor a child in Niger along with a whole host of other bloggers. This is another example of the good that can be done when the blogging community pulls together. I'm so proud to be a part of this! If you want to be a part of something amazing check out this post from Merry at Patch of Puddles for #ShareNiger You don't have to give a lot (I couldn't donate too much because of my husband's uncertain job future) but every penny counts. A one off donation or a monthly payment can literally change the lives of children in Niger. Together we truly can make a difference.
1: Yet again I've realised how amazing my husband is. He is a man of integrity. He puts our family first and I love his simple outlook on situations. I've been a bit emotionally wobbly recently and he has put everything into perspective for me, making me see things for what they are. He supports me 100% and just being reminded of these qualities makes me happy. His job situation is still a bit flaky, but our relationship has never been stronger.
2: My daughter Megan has finished university. Three years of studying Business Management and Marketing at The University of Manchester has come to an end. I'm so proud of her. She has struggled with her health whilst she has been away and has had some problems that she has had to deal with on her own outside of the protection and comfort of her family. But she has worked hard and now holds the honour of being the most educated person in our family with a well respected degree under her belt!
She has some recently had some big changes and more are on her horizon. Times are tough for her right now. The economic climate means everything is more of a struggle but she will find a path befitting her abilities, talents and her personality. She has got so much promise and potential. Whatever she ends up doing, she'll make her mark on the world. I love my daughter and am honoured to be her mum.
3: Ella has almost finished her GCSE's. Three more exams to go and she has coped admirably with her revision. Like her big sister, she is also going through a lot of changes as she is leaving the comfort of her local school to attend a big sixth form college in a town which is an hour's bus ride away. She has some lovely friends that she will be leaving behind, but they have plans to meet up every week for a catch up. Ella's not had it easy these past months, but again I am so proud of her of her amazing self-resilience. She'll be moving onwards and upwards and will have our full support as she takes on the next challenges in her life.
4: My eldest son Joe is about to move house. It's never easy! But it is exciting to think of him and his girlfriend setting up a new home with the thought of their new baby being born into it. Unfortunately Joe's moving date is the same as the date Megan is meant to vacate her student accommodation. There will be juggling for us to do in order to help them both!!
5: Our tickets have just arrived for The M Fest, Morrison's festival of Food and Music (two of my favourite things!!) It will be Freddy and Kizzy's first weekend festival and it is something that Ian is very keen for them to experience. It's also across Freddy's 3rd birthday weekend so will be a treat for us all to celebrate his special day!
We'll be postponing his birthday party for a few weeks, but it is something I'm really looking forwards to. Lots of cake baking, music, fun, friends and family. It will be fabulous and an opportunity for us to get together and give thanks for all that is good in our life and put behind all the bad bits!
6: Today I helped sponsor a child in Niger along with a whole host of other bloggers. This is another example of the good that can be done when the blogging community pulls together. I'm so proud to be a part of this! If you want to be a part of something amazing check out this post from Merry at Patch of Puddles for #ShareNiger You don't have to give a lot (I couldn't donate too much because of my husband's uncertain job future) but every penny counts. A one off donation or a monthly payment can literally change the lives of children in Niger. Together we truly can make a difference.
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