I was sent a whole load of these little gems of amusement from my lovely sister in law and thought I'd share them. Enjoy :)
- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
- We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
- War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.
- Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
- Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
- Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
- When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
- You're never too old to learn something stupid.
- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
#NabBloPoMo Day 17
